Office Doodle Notebook: Sketch, Scribble, and Monkey Around WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT Written and Illustrated by: Susan McBride
2006
Weight: Gifting it to someone
Depression is draining. How can one be so empty and yet so heavy all at once? Waking up and living each day feels like a massive burden. It is impossible to communicate with all the people I felt like I knew so well just weeks ago. I am ashamed and unable to look them in the eyes. I need help, but I resent it. There is nothing more irritating than being misunderstood, but why? Aren't we all misunderstood to some degree every single day?
I know what it is like to distrust all the strangers. To see them as possible pain points instead of people. It seems it would only take a less stellar background or genetic flaw to make the leap and be someone much more sinister. I can understand that now, but that just makes me feel more hopeless and more unable to "be the change I wish to see in the world." That gives me no hope that any of those raging psychos emulating the president can or will change. That he can or will change. This just makes me more likely to stay in bed.
I am so irritable. I feel like I have no control over myself. I am just watching. When I can put in the energy to do anything, I feel like the puppet master. I made that happen, with my hands, but I am emotionless. I cannot feel what the puppet can. I think of those classic biographies where the author is sent away on doctor's orders to get some sunshine and overcome. Who has that life? Unlike the folks in those books, I think that would help me. This is what depression looks like for the working class. Struggle to get up for work, struggle through work, work overtime unpaid and be disappointed in your work, go home, struggle to stay awake, go to sleep dreading work. Repeat. Maybe throw in the stress of bills here and there.
Move on dark cloud. Life was hard without you, but it is impossible with you.
2006
Weight: Gifting it to someone
Depression is draining. How can one be so empty and yet so heavy all at once? Waking up and living each day feels like a massive burden. It is impossible to communicate with all the people I felt like I knew so well just weeks ago. I am ashamed and unable to look them in the eyes. I need help, but I resent it. There is nothing more irritating than being misunderstood, but why? Aren't we all misunderstood to some degree every single day?
I know what it is like to distrust all the strangers. To see them as possible pain points instead of people. It seems it would only take a less stellar background or genetic flaw to make the leap and be someone much more sinister. I can understand that now, but that just makes me feel more hopeless and more unable to "be the change I wish to see in the world." That gives me no hope that any of those raging psychos emulating the president can or will change. That he can or will change. This just makes me more likely to stay in bed.
I am so irritable. I feel like I have no control over myself. I am just watching. When I can put in the energy to do anything, I feel like the puppet master. I made that happen, with my hands, but I am emotionless. I cannot feel what the puppet can. I think of those classic biographies where the author is sent away on doctor's orders to get some sunshine and overcome. Who has that life? Unlike the folks in those books, I think that would help me. This is what depression looks like for the working class. Struggle to get up for work, struggle through work, work overtime unpaid and be disappointed in your work, go home, struggle to stay awake, go to sleep dreading work. Repeat. Maybe throw in the stress of bills here and there.
Move on dark cloud. Life was hard without you, but it is impossible with you.
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