The Camera My Mother Gave Me

The Camera My Mother Gave Me by Susanna Kaysen
2001
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

I was a big Angelina Jolie fan when I was a teenager, and I had been battling my fair share of depression, so when Girl, Interrupted came out as a movie I was excited.  I also loved Winona Ryder.  From the movie, I went to the book and read it.  I was reading a lot of Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, and Elizabeth Wurtzel then.  I was also reading The Vagina Monologues, The Clitoral Truth, Clit Notes, The V Book,  and Cunt.  From there, I stumbled upon this book which seemed to be about Susanna Kaysen and Vaginas! I purchased it, and I read it, but I did not like it as a teenager.  

I was going to pass it on without reading it again, but I vaguely remembered being introduced to some kind of new disease or disorder.  I decided to give it another go, and I thought it was much better this time around, though I can see why I was frustrated back then.  I did not think it was genius even now.  It echoed Girl, Interrupted in its self-obsessed way, though how do you write a book like this without sounding that way?  I guess I am not sure.  

It seems like people who have vulvadynia are the biggest fans.  I have many a review thanking Susanna for making them feel less alone and that, alone, makes it a worthwhile book for reading.  I thought it was good for medical professionals to see what it might feel like to be a patient in that situations.  Though, it seems like the woman who was kindest to her and might have had something to offer at the biofeedback center was one of the "hated" medical professionals.  I thought she seemed great, but Susanna did not.  Of course, after all the sexual assault offered up by her boyfriend over the year she was trying to figure out her vagina, the resemblance of the building to the mental institution she spent 2 years of her life in, and the pain she experienced daily, I suppose she was allowed to be a little cranky.  

The boyfriend.  I hope he read this and wept.  He was terrible and all the times he pressured her into having sex, did not go to the doctor with her, tried to force her to use things like the Novocaine that she kept telling him hurt her worse than if she had sex without it made me so angry.  Susanna still seemed to be grappling with why it felt like rape, though she was scared to label it anything like that.  She likely knew what all women know--that the public would tear her to shreds.  I won't label anything for her, but what he did to her was wrong and it was painful.  He needs to know that.  Any man or woman in a similar position needs to know that.  If it not consent if she does not want to say yes.