Autobiography of a Fat Bride

Autobiography of a Fat Bride
2003
Weight: 7.2 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving Somewhere

My wait is almost over, but it could not end soon enough.  The closer I get the more anxious I am for it to get here.  Our visa has been approved, but it is like I cannot believe it until I see it.  Hopefully, she will be here by the end of February!  Is there a better Valentine's gift than that?

I guess it is pretty obvious why I chose this book.  It is going to be me soon!  And I have 6 hours and 8 minutes of songs on my Wedding Mix to help us get through the long ass drive to DC and back that we will be making twice.  

I bought this book, originally, because I had read Notaro's others.  It is a rare thing that comedy/humor makes me laugh, but when she did I would be in tears and sometimes, no matter how embarassed I was, I could really relate.  

Here is Notaro on a visit to the gynecologist:

"Dont worry about children now," my doctor said as she laughed mockingly at me.  "You're not even married."

"I'm getting married...soon," I explained hesitantly. "And I don't want to have a newborn when I'm so old we can sleep in cribs next to each other."

She laughed harder.

"Let's wait and see if your marriage works out first," she scolded me. "It's no fun being a single parent."

Her comment felt like the slap of my mom's flip-flop to the side of my head.  What?  I thought as I looked at her.  What did you just say?  My mother is the only one who has the right to pop my self esteem with a harpoon like that.  You don't have that right!  You've only seen me naked! (34)

The Idiot Girls' Action Adventure Club

The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life  by Laurie Notaro

2002

Weight:  6.4 oz

Method of Disposal: Donating

A phenomenal person was born on this day years ago.  We celebrated and not in the style of Laurie Notaro, whose stories are more likely to resemble random moments in my life than in Tracy’s (the phenomaenal person).  Regardless of that disparity, I decided to get rid of this book today in the interest of parties, partying, and the overall good times.

I met T four years ago, and I have been amazed ever since then.  There are few people who understand me better than her and there are even fewer people that I could spend so much time with and still enjoy life.  She encourages, inspires, and teaches me.  She is hilarious, redunkulous, and essential.  This is my shout out.  Happy Birthday, Tracy!  Love you!

As for Notaro, if you are interested in reading about drunken adventures and the times when life goes awry—the things most people do not admit—you may be interested in reading this book.  Let me know.  You have until this upcoming Friday to claim this book as your own.  Otherwise, it is off to the donation bin.