A Vision of Fire: Book 1 of The EarthEnd Saga

 A Vision of Fire: Book 1 of The EarthEnd Saga by Gillian Anderson
2014
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Donating

I have been mostly keeping to myself that I was able to video chat with Gillian Anderson for just a couple minutes some months ago, but I have held onto and held up the memory in my mind when I needed some extra cheering up.  It has worked.  I think, potentially, one of the best things to come of it is that, now that "meeting" Gillian has been crossed off my bucket list, surely I can do any of the other items on there.  That was the only thing on my life list that was truly unattainable and now I have obtained it.  I should be doing all sorts.  So, 2020 was not all bad and, with the way 2021 started, it was not bad at all for me as an individual (though, it was truly terrible for countless other people).

I am going to be sending my Gillian Anderson book out into the world to be stumbled upon by another fan today.  I will be sad to see it go, but I know someone else out there will enjoy it and maybe even come to be a new fan.  Also, it will be one less book we will carry with us when we find our new home in the unknowing future.

The X Factor

The X Factor: The Unauthorized Biography of X-Files Superstar David Duchovny
1996
Weight: 3.2 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

I am so excited that the X-Files is back on.  I haven't been at all excited or giddy about television since the 90's but now I find myself rushing home from work on Wednesdays and cursing the universe when anything gets in my way.  Living the shelter life, everything will get in your way.

I love Mulder, but I am most excited about Dana Scully, as always.  As a youngin', I bought everything with an X on it and anything with even a thumbnail image of Gillian.  I found myself making an irresponsible purchase just the other day when I bought TV Guide in the grocery store checkout.  I guess some things never  change.

The one thing that has is that I would not purchase anything unauthorized now and maybe another thing is that, as much as I like Mulder, I would not feel the need to read a biography of David Duchovny when there are so many other wonderful books out there! Gillian on the other hand...

DragonCon and Ed Kramer

Antibodies by kevin J. Anderson,1998

Ruins by Kevin j. Anderson, 1996

Weight: 7.1 oz

Method of Disposal: Leaving somewhere. I found these two books today. I keep thinking I am getting rid of all my X-Files books and then more appear.

 

Anyone that knows me well is aware of my love of Gillian Anderson and is also, unfortunately, aware of my nerdy decade-long dream that I would one day get to meet her or even see her speak in person. The opportunity finally came to Atlanta this year. I was excited, which is the understatement of the year. I was babbling on about it to all of my long-term friends and some of them were even excited about it themselves, though they were less excited about her and more excited about seeing me make an ass of myself/be super happy/act goofy/fall all over myself/gush/faint/whatever. I was going to DragonCon. Nothing could hold me back.

Then a week or two before the glorious day I took my Atlanta Magazine out of my backpack to read a little on a break from work. I read the following article:

http://www.atlantamagazine.com/features/2012/09/01/dragoncon-ed-kramer-child-molestation

I was horrified to learn that Ed Kramer, a DragonCon Cofounder, had been accused of child molestation on more than one occasion. I know about “innocent until proven guilty,” but there was so much that just did not add up to anything good. Why would a man who knows he is facing molestation charges live in an apartment with a teenage boy? Wouldn't you just avoid that situation? Why would you have boys come to your house for sleepovers when you are clearly too old for that shit?

Kramer lives in my hometown.

There was something that could hold me back. I wrote DragonCon to let them know I would not be attending. I understood that the other founders/owners of DragonCon were trying to rectify the situation to no avail and my e-mail was not accusatory. I wrote Gillian Anderson's PR people to see if she was speaking somewhere else and to explain why I could not go. I wrote Atlanta Magazine to thank them for their courage. Only Gillian Anderson's people wrote back with a curt message saying she would not be speaking anywhere else and would head back to London immediately following the event.

My wonderful friends did their own research and came to their own conclusions. The people I was closest to chose not to go, and I was so proud of all of them and so happy to know them. To call them my friends.  Another dear friend and her husband took the time to bid on an autographed Scully action figure.  The money went to charity, and the doll was delivered to me, as a suprise, for no other reason than they were just being loving and wonderful.

 I know that many people cannot resist DragonCon, no matter what. I understand the desire to rationalize and enjoy something you have looked forward to for a long long time. However, some things are just not important enough. Some things are so terrible that they cannot be overlooked.  Then, there are some people who are so amazing and the little stands they take and the incredibly kind things they do cannot be overlooked either.

Unaccustomed Earth

Unaccustomed Earth  by Jhumpa Lahiri

2009

Weight: 8.8 oz

Method of Disposal: Donating or giving away

October was not a shining moment for me when it comes to reading, writing letters, or typing on this blog.  I have fallen behind, but it is because I was busy celebrating Halloween all month long.  It is such a great holiday because you do not have to believe in anything, you get to be whatever you want (for real this time—not like when you are a kid and they tell you lies about how you can be anything when you grow up), and there are no imaginary characters used to fool kids into believing ridiculous fantasies.  At least not long –term.  The scares are always very brief and exciting.  Belief is only temporarily suspended, not held up like Santa Claus, a lesson in good behavior.  I could be anything or anyone.  What did I choose?  I was Agent Dana Scully, of course.  

Anywho, that is neither here nor there.  The only book I finished reading in October was Unaccustomed Earth.  I am ashamed.  I had never read Jhumpa Lahiri, and I heard so much about her.    I could tell right away that I would enjoy the writing style.  It was beautiful.  It was like receiving a massage, very pleasant and soothing.  The shocking moments were delivered through the use of mundane or simple details that stood out, screaming, in the context of the story.  I get the feeling that she will be an incredible novel writer so that is what I will read next when I pick her up again.  If I starred this book, I would give it 3-3.5 stars out of 5.  It did not blow me away, but I felt like the author could with the right story.

Lesbianism, Masturbation, Rape, and Gillian Anderson (Agent Dana Scully)

ALL of my X-Files books

Method of Disposal: Donate. I know. I know. Should I really donate all my old, over-used X-Files books? Is there anyone out there who would want them or am I just wasting some person’s time who has to unpack them all? I cannot help it. I cannot throw them away, and I am convinced a nerd like me will meander into the thrift store, find them, and proclaim that day as the luckiest in their life. I am. I told you, I cannot help it!

Weight: 21 lbs and possibly some tears. Please note that when stacked up they are almost the same height as my pit bull.



I am donating my entire X-Files book collection--at least I hope I found them all. I have been collecting them since mid-1990, and they have lived with me in a variety of different places. They have been hidden away in condos, pushed aside in apartments, and—surprisingly—put on the main display bookshelf at my current house. They are episode guides, Gillian Anderson biographies, a complete set of young adult books, and so and so forth. They are fiction and non-fiction. They are mostly awful and some are, secretly, really good. Or they were ten years ago.

I feel a special affection for the X-Files still. I believe it to be my first full-blown obsession. It is strange since I rarely watch tv, hate almost all television series, and struggle to overcome my disdain for most science fiction. Except when something catches me off-guard, as it does from time to time, like the X-Files. I am into the X-files because I find it entertaining, but I also have key points in my life that are tied to my fascination. I will tell you just a few.

Gillian Anderson not only helped me realize I am a lesbian, but she also helped me discover the joys of masturbation—through no fault of her own, of course. I was in the bath one day when I was a “pre-teenager”, and I thought about something I had done as a young child that felt really good. I tried to remember exactly what it was and, as I was figuring it out, here comes Agent Dana Scully waltzing into my brain. I had a fantastic orgasm. Got out of the bath tub, put some puzzle pieces together, compared those pieces to other pieces of my life at the time, and made two of the largest and most important realizations I had ever made and possibly ever will make. I love that woman to this day, and I will love her when she is much older, wrinkled, and beautifully-aged. I am loyal to her for always, despite the fact that I do not know her at all.

I also learned that while I have no desire to turn on the television I have in my living room I can watch The X-Files for days on end, weeks even, without a moment of boredom. I have the complete set of DVDS, which I do not plan to give away. I had surgery on my nose the summer in between graduating from high school and going to college. It had been shattered by a stranger at the neighborhood pool several years before. He did not like that I was a lesbian and, though he was several years older than me, he took it out on my face. The recovery period was a month with no heavy-lifting and no masturbation/sex. It was awful. My only saving grace was the pain medication and the constant X-Files marathon I had going.

At the end of my senior year in college I was raped by a stranger and had to go to the emergency room for a rape kit. As the doctor performed my pelvic exam and as I waited and waited and waited for a number of tests, words, and questions I was allowed to watch whatever I wanted on television. I did not care, but the friend who brought me turned it on anyway and there she was. Agent Dana Scully. I laughed. I watched it until we were done, and I was allowed to go home. I remember being so happy that life was like that or at least tv was—with all its reruns. I felt transported.

What is even sadder is that I can think of a couple other moments where The X-Files played some role in my life, but I have listed the important ones. I have embarrassed myself enough. Except I am not that embarrassed, not really, just loyal. Loyal, amused, and sometimes in love.

These books weigh 21 lbs when set on a scale. Before this entry, all of the books I had let go of only added up to around 30 lbs. I have almost doubled my number. I am sad to see them go, but I am trying really hard not to think about it anymore. I can feel myself starting to change my mind, but I won’t. I am determined.