Women and Aids

 Women and Aids by Jane Richardson
1988
Weight: 7 ounces
Method of Disposal: Donating

This book is extremely dated at this point, but it was interesting to read for so many reasons.  Living through the start of AIDS and the start of COVID would have been wildly different for so many reasons, but, having lived as an adult during the time of a pandemic, there are certain things I feel like I was more attuned to or attentive to now.  Not just the fear and the unknown, but the attempt and the struggle to manage people's reactions and to preserve a sense of humanity.  The constant reassurance that we can all still care for each other and that our fear should not make us react with hatred.  It should not make us ostracize sick people.  

Another thing I found interesting was reading this and knowing the strides we have made sense AIDS blew up on the scene in the 80's.  I could fill in some of the missing gaps in information and answer some questions.  Some things I had to Google, and I learned that way.  In other areas, I was sad to know that there were still so many things happening then that are still happening now.  The author was seemingly a compassionate person who recognized homophobia, racism, ethnocentrism, when possible, and that was much appreciated.

All in all, this was a quality book.  It was clearly more useful when it was written than it is now, but it is an excellent layout for how to write a sensitive, helpful guide on a virus that people do not know much about.

On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex

 On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex edited by Diana Cage
2004
Weight: 1.12 lbs
Method of Disposal: Who knows?  Seriously, who knows what I can do?

I never know how to rehome sex books.  All the guides, erotica, and photography.  There are so many great books I am sure someone out there would devour, but I never know how to get them from Point A to Point B.  I do not want to sell them, and I do not want them to get thrown out if I donate them.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I have recently discovered that in the UK you can recycle your sex toys.  It is a money losing proposition and yet Lovehoney will do it.  Amazing.  

This particular sex guide is good in that it covers a lot of ground.  It takes you from cunnilingus, to fisting, to strap ons, to needles, to fire, to being fat and sexy, to being disabled and enjoying sex, to pornography, to tribadism.  All sorts.  You will get a good basic definition, some first hand accounts, some reminders about consent, and some photos.  For some people, the book seems to be too blunt and outspoken, but that is what Off Your Backs was for.  It pushed the borders of normal and celebrated the erotic without being curbed by the societal pressure to hold back.

That being said, if you are not a beginner and have not shied away from the risqué, there is not much here to learn at this point.  Or maybe, I have just oversaturated myself with sex, bdsm, kink information over the years.  This book is now over a decade old, and it shows in some areas.  The parts about online dating and the pornography recommendations are just two areas I can think of.  I also think, if done now, there would be even more about consent, safe words, gender fluidity, more sexualities represented...just more.

I will always appreciate Off Our Backs and this book still has an audience.  Hopefully, this book will find a new home and not end up in the landfill.  Someone that can handle profanity and diverse sexual desires.  Rest assured, it is your grandparent's, and possibly your parent's, worst nightmare.

The Letter Q

The Letter Q: Queer Writers' Notes to Their Younger Selves Edited by Sarah Moon
2012
Weight: 1.3 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

My most exciting discovery from this book was that Bruce Coville self-identified as bisexual and then queer in his essay.  I remember reading his books growing up.  I remember thinking that there was something very wrong with me and being so ashamed.  I remember realizing that I was attracted to women and thinking I might be the only girl to feel that way.  I was so jealous of my brother every step of the way.  Being a boy.  Staying out late.  Dating girls.  All along, gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, and transgender people were around me, leading the way, making a path, helping me survive, showing me another way, even when hidden behind the words on the pages of books about alien teachers and dragon hatchers in the books I stole from my brother's shelf.

This book is predominantly gay with a capital G.  A few dashes of lesbian.  And maybe a pinch of gender fluidity.  It, ultimately, aims to reassure kids that life will get better for them and that they are not alone.  What would I say to Little Laura?

Dear Laura,

I am proud of you and impressed with you for coming out when you did.  I know it is not always easy, and it will not always be easy.  But you learned to fake confidence when you were not feeling confident, and I think that likely saves you.  You will have your nose shattered, your car keyed, they will put pictures of dead gay people in your locker, say horrible things about you that you still cannot imagine ever saying about another human being, and ultimately they will make your car inoperable.  They will also call you ridiculous names that will make you laugh because they just show you how little they know about sex, pleasure, love, and happiness.  "Leg Licker" will stand out as a particularly ridiculous insult in a stream of insults..  Do not let these things break you.  You will want to let them break you.  You will meet plenty of girls and women that are interested in you.  You will inspire people even when you think no one is paying attention.

People are not at all wrong when they tell you that you will love college.  I know you struggle to believe that because you feel so alone and fit in nowhere, but it is true.  In college, all the things the middle schoolers and high schoolers hated about you will make people respect you and reach out to you.  Some people will want your advice.  You will actually, and I know this is hard to believe, be grateful for all that you went through, at least in some ways, because, while a lot of people are discovering who they are in college and going totally wild, you will feel safe in the security and knowledge that you already know who you are.

The person I most want to speak to is you in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade.  Your mom's friend will tell you that those will be the best years of your life some day and that you will miss them.  You struggle to believe that is true.  Your mom will tell you that she wishes she could tell you that people grow up and are more mature, but it is not true.  The difference, is that you grow up and are more mature.  More able to find your own people and set your own boundaries.  Your mom's friend is 100% wrong (making you 100% right--you are stuck in the worst time of your life), but your mom was right. 

Don't get me wrong, you still have a lot of terrible things to face.  I will warn you now never to drink in that dive bar by the school, or at least to get the fuck out when some random guy you do not know gives you the creeps.  Up until then, there is not much you regret but, if you do not get out of there, you will regret so much for so many years.  Everything else will make you who you are and make you stronger. 

You will never again feel that soul crushing loneliness.  You will never again think that you are so uniquely malformed and maladjusted that you do not deserve to live.  You need to live and you need to meet the woman you will give all of yourself to.  She will not be the woman of your dreams.  It turns out your dreams were extremely limiting and were holding you back.  She is far more amazing than anyone you could have ever thought up, and you spend plenty of wasted time trying to find that imaginary person until the beautiful year you spend finding her.  The good news is that all that trying is what prepares you to be the person she needs when you find her.

Anyway, I do not know what to tell you and what not to tell you that will pull you through those hard years.  I think the most important things are as follows:

1.  One day you will not only be okay with being a lesbian, you will be GRATEFUL for it.  You will not want to change it even if you could!  This part of yourself has sparked in you so much more.  You are caring, empathetic, active, passionate, loving, fighting, worthy, open, interested, intrigued, turned on, compassionate, ever-evolving.

2.  Do not start smoking.  Your mom is so right.  Once you start it IS next to impossible to stop.  And right now, you think you do not have much to live for, but one day you will have so much to live for that, instead of dancing with death, you will start to fear it.  Having been a smoker will not make this any easier.

3.  Get the fuck out of that bar when it starts to feel wrong.  You will be in your senior year of college.

4.  You will one day realize you were and are incredibly lucky.  Your parents are amazing (your dad is not what you think he is), you have friends that love you, and your partner is, as previously stated, incredible.  You have a not so small menagerie of dogs that follow you around and get jealous if you give your attention to anyone else.

5.  Stop with the suicidal whatever whatever.  You will one day realize that you are not just the oppressed but the oppressor.  You've had too much privilege to take it all and throw it away without unpacking it, examining it, and dedicating your life to making change.  You do not get to give up.  There is too much to fight for.

6. Masturbation is normal and wonderful.  I know it does not take you long to realize this, but just in case you need some help.

7.  Dana Scully really is that cool.  You will always think so. 

8.  If you can set your life up to where you and your family can hide away for the year 2020 and have enough food, supplies, money, etc.  Please God, do it.

I need you to be strong for me.  Hold tight.  There is so much more in you and in the world than you know.

Take care of you.

Laura

When I Knew

When I Knew Edited By Robert Trachtenberg
2005
Weight: 1.3 lbs
Method of Disposal: Leaving in a Lending Library

This book was more fun than I expected, particularly when it came to gay men, who were featured more than anyone.  The lesbian snippets were good but few.  It does not expand much past those worlds, which is okay.  It is a book about when each person realized they were gay with a capital G, after all. 

I loved the opening one.  "1969: My father was watching the evening news.  The announcer said that Judy Garland had died.  I fainted.  I was nine."  -Andre Freedman

Anyway, a fun book for your coffee table or for a quick read if you are interested!

Love Warrior

Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle
2017
Weight: 9.6 oz
Method of Disposal: Left in a hotel in London

I went to a Leadercast Women Conference where there were a multitude of excellent speakers, but Glennon Doyle had the entire auditorium laughing. She was incredible. She brought honesty, feminism, love, motherhood, lesbianism to the stage and it seemed like almost everyone could relate in some way. I had to buy her book. So, I did. I was hoping to buy the book that I now realize is the ,yet to be released, Untamed.  

I am not going to lie. I was waiting for her to fall in love with her wife, Rapinoe, the whole time, since I knew that would happen from the talk she gave. So, I was disappointed when that didn’t happen! I have still another one of her books to catch up on before Untamed. Love Warrior was not hilarious in the way her talk was, but it was good. I was glad to read it, but it was also a little surreal hearing her trying to figure out her life and knowing how some things would pan out down the way, though in the book she did not.

I leave this by saying that if you ever get the chance to see Glennon Doyle do it. Don’t miss out. She’s so much fun.

Love, Death, and the Changing Seasons

Love, Death, and the Changing Seasons by Marilyn Hacker
1995
Weight: 7 ounces
Method of Disposal: Donation

This book would have been even better if I had discovered it in the 90s when there were so few books written by and for lesbians, but it was great now too.  Hacker writes passionately about a woman she meets, falls in love with, and loses.  Many of the poems are erotic and charged with the excitement of finding someone completely irresistible.  The overwhelming and strong feelings behind desire, lust, and loss are feelings I am sure almost all of us can relate to at some point in our lives.  As a married person, it makes me not miss the heartbreak of loss at all, though that magnetism you feel with someone when you first start falling for them is delightful.  The security and depth of lasting love is the best, but I hope I never find out what the loss of that does to a person like me!

Other things I wish:  That I could work from home and write about my life, lesbianism, love, grief, despair, and everything else.  Le sigh.

Yearbooks 1997-2006

Assorted Yearbooks
Weight: 20.2 lbs
Method of Disposal: recycling

I am not lugging these yearbooks around again.  I have looked through them again briefly as a 32 year old, and I have learned some things.  Here they are:

• My first grade yearbook is adorable.  We hardly knew how to write and so it wasn't quite the popularity contest it became later.  My teachers loved me.
• My middle school yearbook is sad.  I clearly hated myself and everyone else.  I was constantly battling off bullies and couldn't see who my real friends were and, while I was nice to them most of the time. I would sometimes blow them off and frequently slam them in my yearbook for being almost as unpopular as me.

• In high school everyone thought I was weird and a lot of people hated it, but it turns out a lot more people admired that I had come out and was so open than I realized.  At the end of the years I may not have had 600 signatures, but I had letters in my yearbook and it was a good feeling to know that I was more true to myself and less of an asshole than I was in middle school. Most of my teachers liked me again and the ones that didn't must have been assholes...kidding kidding.
• More people than I realized knew I was having a terrible time in school and was really struggling.  I think a lot of them tried to fix it in ways that should have been obvious to me, but they really weren't.  I would like to thank them.  They may have saved my life.

• A lot of my most important friends and people did not go to school with me.  I met many of them at work.
• People took college yearbooks far less seriously than middle and high school ones.  People like myself would not even show up for the photograph and therefore have almost erased themselves from the school's history and do not have to be ashamed anymore. 

• I apparently went to school with Ron Weasley.
  
  
  

Courting Justice: Gay Men and Lesbians v. the Supreme Court

Courting Justice: Gay Men and Lesbians v. the Supreme Court  by Joyce Murdoch and Deb Price
2002
Weight: 3 lbs
Method of Disposal: Giving to Tracy

I loved this book.  I learned so much, and I gained so much inspiration.  I felt lucky to have so many strong, intelligent, and brave people fighting the good fight before me.  My heart also broke to hear about the crushed dreams and destroyed lives of so many amazing gay and lesbian folks throughout history.  I would really like to get my hands on an updated edition.  I know Tracy will love it and so am passing it on to her. 

In the meantime, I am naming all the cats at work after all the incredible LGBTQI activists I now know about.  While silly, I kinda hope people see the names, Google them, and get inspired too!

Dykes on Dykes: The First Interactive Dyke-Cartoon

Dykes on Dykes: The First Interactive Dyke-Cartoon by Katrin Kremmler and coproduced with Indina Beuche
1998
Weight: 14 oz
Method of Disposal: Recycling

It really pains me to throw this one out.  That is why I have kept it so long despite the fact that it was used as a chew toy by some foster dog and whole mouth fulls have been torn out.  I will never forget that it was sent to me by my brother soon after he was married.  It was so lesbian and so something I would have been drawn to on my own.  I was more stunned than I probably should have been that my brother bought me something lesbian.  That he thought to do that. 

It is not that it would be difficult to know this about me--that I will watch or read all things lesbian/bisexual/queer/trans/etc.  That I crave it.  It is just not one of my fascinations that the family generally pays attention to when they are gift giving.  I cannot do my feelings and thoughts of that day justice.  Just know, that it meant a lot to me and I fully intending on keeping this book until the end of me, had my other passion (pups) not have interfered with that plan.
 

Saints and Strangers

Saints and Strangers by Angela Carter
1987
Weight: 3 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving Somewhere

 

My grandmother gave me this on her 80th birthday in October 2013.  She was surprised that I had not heard of Angela Carter, and almost appalled that Harriet had not, being from England and all.  I just now read it, and I was very impressed.  My mother walked by while we were discussing the book and put in her two cents that it was horrible.  Lovely writing, but the stories would just make you feel terrible.  They were both right, but I loved it.  I was shocked and slightly embarrassed to realize how well-known and respected Angela Carter is.  A quick Google search and you find that Time magazine considered her one of the 50 greatest British writers in 2008.  I am absolutely going to be seeking out her other work.

After finishing her book, I was feeling down and decided to begin working on a realistic long-distance love letter.  Here is the start of it:

I stare at the body under my sheets.  It is blanketed in a thick, dark layer of fur.  A physical reminder of how long you have been gone.  It is dreary and self-important to think of oneself like a tree whose rings announce its age to the world, but I do.  My hair says you have been gone for months, and my general malaise says there is no end in sight. I take the razor slowly and clumsily to my skin.  It does not matter if I get it all or if it looks organized.  I have time.  I secretly hope it will speed things along, but then I realize that you left me at the coldest time of the year, and I have removed my coat for you but you are not here to accept it, and I am cold.

The water is cold.  I dry myself off with a towel, check the fire and miss you.  I get into bed and slide towards the middle.  My dogs’ weight and the age of the mattress creating a rut that is just big enough to be uncomfortable.  I lay on 15 years of dead skin cells collected from ex-lovers, old pets, and dear friends.  If you cut my mattress in half could you map out my life until now?  We could take little tacks and tiny scraps of paper.  Organize it by number.  The single digits being the deepest and driest, and the double digits being more recent and fragrant.

All of this makes me want a cigachantichocolate.  I want chocolate.  Or do I want a cigarette? 21 long days for a 22 year old woman that makes my heart as pretty as my matching shower curtain and the candles that are “just for decoration.”  I never knew that I was supposed to choose them for color over scent.  The things you learn when you trail behind the world’s most beautiful woman with your legs shaved, your panties wet, and your mind focused on reorganizing your life philosophy developed over 28 years.

All this paints a fairly unattractive portrait of what it feels like to love 4,033 miles away from you.

My incredibly sweet grandfather on my father's side always asks if I have written anything lately and wants to read it.  Should I show him this?  And, just to clear things up, I ordered a new mattress immediately after writing this.  I shouldn't even show you this...

I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see it being toted away in a giant plastic bag this afternoon.

The Nightwatch

The Night Watch  by Sarah Waters

2006

Weight: 13.6 oz

Method of Disposal: Leaving somewhere

It looks like I am going to be moving!  I have so much to do this month, and I have no idea how I am going to get it done.  It is all very exciting though.  I am piling up books to get rid of so, if you are looking for something to read, let me know if you want any of them!  I would be glad to hand them over.

I am going through and finding duplicates so I do not move two of any one title.  That seems foolish.  Somehow or another, I got two copies of The Night Watch.  I loved reading Waters when I was younger.  It was fast-paced lesbian fiction where being a lesbian wasn't the central focus.  Sometimes I crave that like I crave water.  I never could get into this one, but I never read more than a chapter or two and am determined to give it one more shot...once I am settled into my new home.

In Her Day

In Her Day  by Rita Mae Brown
1988
Weight: 4 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving Somewhere

The quality of writing was clearly not the strong point of this book.  The dialogues between characters was absurd and not believable at all.  It felt like the author wanted you to know a lot about the characters without actually wanting to do the work of showing you who they were.  Despite this, I found that, while I begrudged the book in the beginning, I started to actually enjoy reading it.  It was refreshing to read a fiction book that included lesbianism, women's liberation, racism (though limited), cross-generational relationships, class.  I liked that the main characters cared about things I care about.  I realized that I do not frequently get that in a book.  So, all in all, I can respect that this was a unique gem for its time, and I can still find pleasure in it all these years later.  It shows that there is still a lot of work to be done that there does not seem to be a book quite like it that is also well written.  Does anyone else know of one?  I would love to get my hands on it.

A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples

A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples  by Attorneys Denis Clifford, Frederick Hertz, and Emily Doskow (NOLO)
2007
Weight: 1.2 lbs
Method of Disposal:  I am not sure...should I recycle or donate it?

I am excited to say that this book is dated now.  I think there is still some helpful information so I am still thinking I might donate, but the laws around gay marriage have forever been changed in the United States and so many couples now have access to benefits they could never even dream of.  I love these books though, and I will absolutely buy a 2013 edition if and when it comes out.  They are very well done so that the laws and your options are easy to understand.  Seriously, I really cannot wait to buy an updated edition...even though I know I am not suppose to be purchasing any books...

I could actually really use a NOLO guide for the process I am going through right now or enough money to afford a lawyer!
 

How The Grinch Stole Christmas!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas!  Dr. Suess
Year: Unknown
Weight: 1 1b
Method of Disposal: Left at Joe's Coffee Shop in EAV

 

I am a huge fan of Dr. Suess.  I hate to get rid of any of his books, but I have most of them memorized so, at this point in my life, I suppose I should let them go.  This one is amusing because I bought it for a girl I dated in high school.  We were together for maybe a month--if that.  We actually broke up before I could give her the book.  Despite our super brief relationship, we packed in the drama.  Her parents found out and, in fury, called my mother to inform her at 2am one morning.  My mom was pissed!  At them.  She already knew about my sexuality, of course.  Things spiraled out of control from there.  We had a lot of obstacles in our path, and we did not actually care a lot about each other.  I remember telling her that I was not over my ex, Heather, and was unsure is I would be a good girlfriend.  She said she understood and then two days later said to me on the phone, "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"  I said, "I would say no."
P.S. She was NOT an adult.  She was a child.  As was I. 

The Homo Handbook

The Homo Handbook: Getting in Touch with Your Inner Homo: A Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men  by Judy Carter
1996
Weight: 1 lb

This is a humor book that I am completely, and I am completely unsure how I came to be the owner of it.  A lot of it makes more sense in the 90's when it was published, but there are still some things that are so applicable it will make you laugh out loud.  Those moments are unexpected but nice.

 I read this book in the perfect way though.  I really do not think there is a better way than my way.  I had just started dating the woman I love, and she was in her first lesbian relationship.  She picked the book off the shelf and got into bed with me.  She might have shown more interest in this book than any other one I have seen her encounter before or sense.  We read it together and laughed and talked about stereotypes and truths and relationships and lesbians.  We actually were able to have a lot of serious conversations while flipping through this decidedly not serious little book, and we had a lot of fun doing it.  Who knew it would be so helpful?
 

Unexpected Pleasures

Unexpected Pleasures: Leaving Heterosexuality for a Lesbian Life  by Tamsin Wilton
2002
Weight: 1.2 lbs
Method of Disposal: Leaving in Decatur, GA

This book was given to me by a woman who chose to leave heterosexuality behind while in college.  She was very vocal about it being her choice, which I thought/think was/is great.  There is some discussion about sexuality as choice in this book, which makes me happy.  It is not just nature vs nurture.  In case you were wondering, I think it is nature, nurture, and/or choice that makes someone's sexuality.  I think everyone has their unique mix up.  I believe I have always felt more intimate and bonded with women and that there is, possibly, a biological, hormonal, genetic cause.  I also know that if given the choice to be heterosexual I would say hell no.  I love loving women.  And, as I got older, I realized that if I felt compelled to I could choose to have sex with men, but I also knew I would never want a relationship with one.  I have never felt a strong bond with a man, with the exception of my high school best friend, Chris, and I was never sexually attracted to him.  I also just don't think I could deal with the outcome of male socialization.  I have no interest in a power struggle or a lack of communication/emotion.  I am aware that there are millions of sensitive, caring, feminist men out there that would probably make wonderful partners, but I do not want to sift through them all when I know I prefer women up front.  I would rather try to find a wonderfully sensitive, feminist woman.  And, while I was a lesbian long before my sexual assault, I do think that being raped will forever inhibit and decrease any interest I might have in being intimate with a man. 

That being said, I am frequently attracted to women whose sexuality is less defined and more fluid.  It is an incredibly sexy quality to have.  There is a certain courage and acceptance that seems to go along with it but, more importantly, I feel like these women have less rigid rules and unfortunate judgements/stereotypes about other women (and men),as a whole.  It is unfortunate that the lesbian community can be so naively dismissive and unaccepting of women with what might seem to them to be a less clear cut, defined sexuality.  I feel like it is getting better with the younger generation, but I still see it affecting women's lives in strong ways.  I was glad that this was discussed in this book.

Unexpected Pleasures is kind of like an intro too and a self-help book for women coming out as lesbians later in life.  I wish it had been slightly more fluid, but the woman who wrote it was a researcher and so I understand she had to narrow her focus.  I would like to read a similar book that included lesbian women who have come out as heterosexual later in life and lot more women who did not identify as one way or another.  There were some components like lesbian sex being better than heterosexual sex as a whole that rubbed me the wrong way, and I had so much I wanted to put forth to argue my points.  We do not have to tear down one to enjoy another.

Overall, though, it was a good introductory, supportive, positive book, and it relied heavily on actual interviews with women, which I appreciated.  I also liked the sources offered in the back of the book. The book was written based on British women's experiences and so the sources were geared to them too, though the author had a few US sources as well.

I Do/I Don't

I Do I Don't: Queers on Marriage  Edited by Greg Wharton and Ian Philips
2004
Weight: 1.1 lbs
Method of Disposal: Leaving at Hodge Podge

I picked up this book after the two cases about same-sex marriage were heard by the Supreme Court this year.  I bought it when it first came out, and I was anti-same-sex marriage, but I did not read it because it talked SO MUCH about, ugh/bleck/groan, marriage.  This time, when I picked it up, I was not even feeling just pro-okay-gay-people-should-have-the-right-even-though-it-is-a-dumb-idea thoughts but even thoughts that, MAYBE, I would like to be married one day.

I read boring essays, great ones, semi-amusing ones, ambivalent ones, and even one highly offensive one comparing gays wanting to be married to "Jews praying for Zyklon B," among other truly fucked up, non-comparable things.  A couple hundred pages in I never wanted to hear the words "same-sex" "gay marriage" or "civil union" ever again.  I was glad I stuck it out though because I read a unique and unexpectedly insightful piece by Sarah Silverman that made me respect her a lot more than I had previously, and it helped me look at some things differently.

In the end, I still recognize that the history of "marriage" is fraught with problematic and oppressive issues, that it is frequently a union that people get into for all the wrong reasons, and that it should not be the number one issue of the gay rights movement.  I also think that, MAYBE, I might like the option of making the decision for myself one day.

Geography Club

Geography Club by Brent Hartinger
2004
Weight: 6.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving at Joe's in EAV

I love young adult fiction, as you may know by now if you have read some of my other posts.  There is something that gets me even more wound up within the genre than your average story.  I get SO EXCITED to see new LGBTQI young adult fiction!  When I worked at the bookstore, I use to LOVE going through and scanning the young adult section to see what should be sent back to the publisher and what should stay.  I would be in a bad mood all week if someone got to it before me.  I liked being in control because I would, shamelessly, leave the gay/lesbian titles on the shelves longer than they were suppose to be and I could see all the new ones that came out.  I was allowed to "check out" the newer titles and would buy the cheap paperbacks.

Today has been a particularly emotional and important day to me and to many of my friends.  It has also been difficult because we know that, while the Supreme Court is finally dealing with same-sex marriage, we will not hear any decisions for some time, and we have no idea what will be decided.  The wait, hearing the anti-gay folks speak out so publically, watching our support groups grow more tight knit---it leaves one with a lot of emotions.  Here's to finding strength in each other!


 

Loving Someone Gay

Loving Someone Gay Revised and Updated  by Don Clark, Ph. D
1997
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Donating

Apparently, around 300,000 people are protesting gay marriage and adoption in France.  As the demonstration was winding down a number of youths started to amp up the energy and the riot police took action with tear gas.  People of the clergy, teenagers, anti-gay opponents, and CHILDREN (super responsible parents here) were all present. 

From the NBC website:

Polls indicate a shrinking majority of French voters back gay marriage, which is legal in about a dozen mostly European nations and some U.S. states. But polls show French voters are less enthusiastic about adoption by same-sex couples.
Frigide Barjot, the stage name of an activist who has led protests against the bill, insisted the anti-gay marriage movement wasn't a lost cause. "It's the second round, sir. It's not the last battle."

http://worldnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/03/24/17444093-clashes-riot-police-at-french-anti-gay-marriage-protest?lite

It hurts that in this day and age people are still filled with such passionate disdain and even hatred.  It is hard to think of that many people demonstrating against me and people like me--particularly french people like me, haha.  I really don't know what else to say.  It is painful.  We will win this fight, slowly, and all over the world, but it still hurts to see all those who would hold us back and even some of those who would hurt us.

Am I Blue?

2 X   Am I Blue?: Coming Out From the Silence Edited by Marion Dane Bauer

1994

Weight: 1.8 lbs

Method of Disposal: Donating the one with a cover, leaving the one without somewhere someone can find it

This is an anthology of gay/lesbian young adult fiction that I loved when I was in the right age bracket for it.  I remember reading it and trying to get my father to read it too, though he was nervous about carrying it on a plane.  He traveled a lot for work.  

The author opens the book with these words:

         Ten years ago, an anthology of short stories dealing with gay and lesbian themes

         probably would not be considered by any major young adult publisher.  It is my dream

         that ten years from now an anthology will not be needed, that gay and lesbian

         characters will be as integrated into juvenile literature as they are in life….

         one out of ten teenagers attempts suicide.  One out of three of those does so

         because of concern about being homosexual.  That means that in every

         statistical classroom across the country there is a young person in danger of dying for lack                    of information and support concerning his or her sexuality.

I probably bought this book about 4 years after it was published, and I was thankful for it.  It has now been 17 years since it was published.  I worked in the children’s/young adult department of a bookstore for years, and I remember what it felt like—long after I quit reading exclusively young adult fiction, as I was an adult—and finding all the new gay/lesbian books.  There was a handful, maybe two or three, of fiction books.  I think there were two books about being transgendered.  I was stunned.  It was not that many , but it was a huge increase.  They kept coming.  I read them all, one after the other.  I love YA fiction anyway, but this was huge to me.  It was unexpected.  As booksellers, we would have to scan the books and send the ones that weren’t selling back to the publisher.  I always made sure to keep a couple books on the shelf no matter what the scanner said.  I fought to get that section, instead of one of my coworkers.  I knew that teenagers would still read them, but might be too ashamed to bring them home to their parents or might need their parents financial support to buy them.  There are many good reasons, including a child’s safety, that they may not want their family or friends to figure out about their questions and/or sexuality.  The big chain bookstore might not have cared about that, but I did.  

So, in a way, her dream has partially come true a decade later.  There are not quite as many books as I believe there should be, but they are coming.  There are more and more every year.  Tides are changing.  She did not mention transgendered literature, and YA fiction is truly lacking in that department--hell all fiction is.  The books I do find are good, but they are very basic and do not support a real continuum of gender.  There are still a lot of traps and simplicities.  I feel the young adults and teenagers are ready for some more complicated themes.  Not only can they handle it, but they need it.

Almost two decades later, we have the “It Gets Better” Campaign.  Queer youth is still struggling and suicide is still of huge importance to the sexual minority population.  The more information we can get out there the better.  We all need safe places and access to information and support. 

 In some ways, I am sad to see that the editor’s wishes have not been completely fulfilled to their fullest extent in almost twice as long as she had hoped.  But then I think about what I expected when I was at the age when I found this book, and I am so pleasantly surprised by how far we have come.  How different life is for me now than it was then.  How different it seems to be for the younger generations I have been lucky enough to talk to and interact with.  At least, when it comes to gay and lesbian progression.   

We still need a lot more information on bisexuality and queerness.  We need more information on transgenderism.  We also need information about being intersexed and, please, rush it on to the youth.  Most adults I know have no concept of what that word even means.  And, let me clarify here, that being transgender is not a sexuality.  Being intersex is not a sexuality and it is not directly linked to being transgender.  I include these groups because we are all dealing with problems that are created and exacerbated by a gender, sex, and sexuality binary system, and we are considered a minority because of it.

Thank you, Marion Dane Bauer, for your work and let us all continue doing this work together.  I hope these books fall into hands that need them.