Smoothies

Little Books for Cooks: Smoothies by Jane Stacey
2000
Weight: .8oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

I began working, illegally, at the age of 12.  I worked at a smoothie shop.  I will withhold the name of the company, as my boss was a pedophile with a theft problem and no one knew.  He was a bad egg but it was not the company's fault.  Luckily, the worst he ever did to us was to rub my best friend's ears, and his wife frequently propositioned me and tried to get me to go home with them.  I always said no and never felt bad about it.  It was not violent and not even why I call him a pedophile.  I call him that because, after leaving that job for the bookstore, someone found the police record.  I guess we were lucky.

Despite all of that, we loved working there and had a lot of fun and a lot of freedom--because, as I said, our manager was awful.  We ran that place.  He was almost never there.  We closed the store down at night, we opened it, and we were there for all inspections.  We have so many stories.  We were also able to barter smoothies for Arby's fries, cookies, and free piercings from the attractive woman at Claire's I would write poetry to, and she would blush. 

My friend purchased me this book after I left to my new job selling books. When you pressed the button a man would exclaim, "Deeelicious!"  We found this hysterical for some reason.  I am fairly certain that, if I make it to 80 or 90 years old, I will be able to hear that voice clear as day.  It is burned into my memory.

Christmas Blessings

Christmas Blessings: A Celebration of the Festive Spirit by Sian Keogh
2008
Weight: 10.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating



Did I seriously just find another one?!

Don't Stop Dreaming

The Blue Day Book: A Lesson in Cheering Yourself Up by Bradley Trevor Greive (2000)
Christmas Wishes: Inspiring Sentiments for the Festive Season (2004)
Weight: 1.5 lbs
Method of Disposal: Donating to AKF thrift store with some other items, unless you want them



These are those little square books that can be found by the registers at most major bookstores. They are up-sale items. They are last-minute gift ideas, attention grabbers, and coffee table phenomena. They are, essentially, like a really long chain e-mail. There are adorable and sometimes amusing pictures of animals juxtaposed with a simple sentiments. For example, a line of penguins stands at the edge of an ice cliff and one is jumping off. Underneath this image you find the following words, “Never hang back. Get out there and go for it.” Kind of annoying, right? The cover of The Blue Day Book brags that Grieve is a New York Times best-selling author.

These books are popular amongst certain people or when seen at the right time by someone desperate to find something for that someone or for someone who just wants to add something small to the gift they already purchased. Maybe you were guilted into buying it by the poor soul trying to keep their job—the one that already offers low pay and few hours? These books have been around for awhile so might have lost some of their luster, but I still think if they are donated someone who likes them will find them and will probably give it to someone else who doesn’t but will appreciate the thought.

I love cute pictures of animals as much as the next person, but thanks to the World Wide Web I see them every day. Often, I see the same ones over and over again. Often, I see them and couldn’t care less. I never understood these books. They do not make me feel better. They do not make me feel anything. The Blue Day Book was a hand-me-down from my manager, and the best part about it is the note in the front someone wrote to her. It was a gift, and probably a good one for the occasion. I have since flipped through it, and I am ready to pass it on. With a quickness.

I hope I do not offend anyone here. Christmas Wishes was a gift from a family member, and I can totally see what drew them to it. Adorable pictures of animals and most of them are penguins—my favorite. I was really pleased with this gift and appreciated the thought. I loved all the penguins. I have held onto it for a couple years, but I am going to relinquish it with the other one. It can only be flipped through so many times, and the words are absurd. A flock of geese are featured and beside them are the words, “What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. All together now…quack,quack!” And that is one of the better excerpts.

No, these predictable and trite little square books are not my thing. I am sure I will receive them again in the future though. I love animals and someone will think of that and think of me, and I will be thankful.