The Moth Presents Occasional Magic

 The Moth Presents Occasional Magic: True Stories About Defying the Impossible Edited by Catherine Burns
2019
Weight: 1.05 lbs
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

I accidentally picked up the first Moth book while in Santa Rosa, Florida at a wonderful little bookstore called Sundog Books.  I have no idea what drew me to it, but I picked it up last minute while waiting in line for the register.  I was buying an absurd amount of greeting cards, as usual, and a few books.  There were a lot of people in there, and the downtown Square was much more popular and populated than I had ever remembered seeing it.  The small city had really grown in the years I had been away.  It is hard to imagine all the things we did on that trip now.  Covid would have changed everything, as it has done this year.  I am so glad we already had so many of the times we've had.  I know the present and future have so much to offer also, but it is not terrible to reflect on the past.

Moth has these incredible, sometimes unbelievable, personal stories, like the piece by a teenager about her experience saving a shooting victim.  She used skills she learned from Umedics, a black grassroots group that teaches people how to medically respond in emergency situations.  Not only does she save him, as a child, but then she goes on to help get his family trained to also respond in similar situations.  Those kind of stories make you wonder about your own mettle.

There was another story about a young, gay man, growing up in a homophobic landscape, trying to find himself.  Trying to win over and then ultimately deciding to emulate a young man he had been seeing in the bar only to find out much later that the man he had been hyping up was Jeffrey Fucking Dahmer.

There are also stories about what one woman wore to her divorce, what it was like to meet President Obama while working for his team, an adult son finding a relationship with his dad, and so many others.  It is good stuff.  

The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2019

The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2019 Edited and Introduced by Edan Lepucki

2019

Weight: 7.8 oz

Method of Disposal: Sending Away

At some point in each year, I will find myself in a bookstore narrowing down what I should buy or looking for something new to read and there, magically on the anthology shelf, will be The Best American Nonrequired Reading.  I love reading it and purchase it every time.  It was originally my college Creative Writing professor (whom I adored) that introduced me to it, and I have enjoyed it ever since.  I never think to buy it until I am in a store for some other reason but, ultimately, the realization that it exists once again will hit me.

It is usually a fun combination of short fiction, short non-fiction, poetry, and comics.  It sometimes will also include other fun, off-the wall content, like Chuck Norris jokes.  It is just enjoyable to read, and it exposes you to authors that you maybe do not know about.  The selections are made once a year by high school students in California and in Michigan.  I like that for a lot of reasons.  1.  I am fairly certain my brain is so different than it was in high school by now that I could not even dream of knowing what a high schooler might like.  Therefore, I am reading a selection from someone not in the same space as myself and that is insightful.  2.  It gives me hope to see what the high schoolers choose for us to read.  For example, 2019 had an incredibly diverse sample, and it was delightful.  Could the youth really save us?  I am not someone who thinks that.  I am not someone who expects that.  But, could they?  3.  I, generally, feel like I do not like teenagers.  I hated myself when I was a teenager.  This makes me remember that all teenagers are not the same and that in fact they are at a very exciting, challenging, passionate, wild time of their lives and that there is a lot of value in that for them but also for all of us.  Never stereotype a group of people!  When you do you will always end up proven wrong.

The Letter Q

The Letter Q: Queer Writers' Notes to Their Younger Selves Edited by Sarah Moon
2012
Weight: 1.3 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

My most exciting discovery from this book was that Bruce Coville self-identified as bisexual and then queer in his essay.  I remember reading his books growing up.  I remember thinking that there was something very wrong with me and being so ashamed.  I remember realizing that I was attracted to women and thinking I might be the only girl to feel that way.  I was so jealous of my brother every step of the way.  Being a boy.  Staying out late.  Dating girls.  All along, gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, and transgender people were around me, leading the way, making a path, helping me survive, showing me another way, even when hidden behind the words on the pages of books about alien teachers and dragon hatchers in the books I stole from my brother's shelf.

This book is predominantly gay with a capital G.  A few dashes of lesbian.  And maybe a pinch of gender fluidity.  It, ultimately, aims to reassure kids that life will get better for them and that they are not alone.  What would I say to Little Laura?

Dear Laura,

I am proud of you and impressed with you for coming out when you did.  I know it is not always easy, and it will not always be easy.  But you learned to fake confidence when you were not feeling confident, and I think that likely saves you.  You will have your nose shattered, your car keyed, they will put pictures of dead gay people in your locker, say horrible things about you that you still cannot imagine ever saying about another human being, and ultimately they will make your car inoperable.  They will also call you ridiculous names that will make you laugh because they just show you how little they know about sex, pleasure, love, and happiness.  "Leg Licker" will stand out as a particularly ridiculous insult in a stream of insults..  Do not let these things break you.  You will want to let them break you.  You will meet plenty of girls and women that are interested in you.  You will inspire people even when you think no one is paying attention.

People are not at all wrong when they tell you that you will love college.  I know you struggle to believe that because you feel so alone and fit in nowhere, but it is true.  In college, all the things the middle schoolers and high schoolers hated about you will make people respect you and reach out to you.  Some people will want your advice.  You will actually, and I know this is hard to believe, be grateful for all that you went through, at least in some ways, because, while a lot of people are discovering who they are in college and going totally wild, you will feel safe in the security and knowledge that you already know who you are.

The person I most want to speak to is you in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade.  Your mom's friend will tell you that those will be the best years of your life some day and that you will miss them.  You struggle to believe that is true.  Your mom will tell you that she wishes she could tell you that people grow up and are more mature, but it is not true.  The difference, is that you grow up and are more mature.  More able to find your own people and set your own boundaries.  Your mom's friend is 100% wrong (making you 100% right--you are stuck in the worst time of your life), but your mom was right. 

Don't get me wrong, you still have a lot of terrible things to face.  I will warn you now never to drink in that dive bar by the school, or at least to get the fuck out when some random guy you do not know gives you the creeps.  Up until then, there is not much you regret but, if you do not get out of there, you will regret so much for so many years.  Everything else will make you who you are and make you stronger. 

You will never again feel that soul crushing loneliness.  You will never again think that you are so uniquely malformed and maladjusted that you do not deserve to live.  You need to live and you need to meet the woman you will give all of yourself to.  She will not be the woman of your dreams.  It turns out your dreams were extremely limiting and were holding you back.  She is far more amazing than anyone you could have ever thought up, and you spend plenty of wasted time trying to find that imaginary person until the beautiful year you spend finding her.  The good news is that all that trying is what prepares you to be the person she needs when you find her.

Anyway, I do not know what to tell you and what not to tell you that will pull you through those hard years.  I think the most important things are as follows:

1.  One day you will not only be okay with being a lesbian, you will be GRATEFUL for it.  You will not want to change it even if you could!  This part of yourself has sparked in you so much more.  You are caring, empathetic, active, passionate, loving, fighting, worthy, open, interested, intrigued, turned on, compassionate, ever-evolving.

2.  Do not start smoking.  Your mom is so right.  Once you start it IS next to impossible to stop.  And right now, you think you do not have much to live for, but one day you will have so much to live for that, instead of dancing with death, you will start to fear it.  Having been a smoker will not make this any easier.

3.  Get the fuck out of that bar when it starts to feel wrong.  You will be in your senior year of college.

4.  You will one day realize you were and are incredibly lucky.  Your parents are amazing (your dad is not what you think he is), you have friends that love you, and your partner is, as previously stated, incredible.  You have a not so small menagerie of dogs that follow you around and get jealous if you give your attention to anyone else.

5.  Stop with the suicidal whatever whatever.  You will one day realize that you are not just the oppressed but the oppressor.  You've had too much privilege to take it all and throw it away without unpacking it, examining it, and dedicating your life to making change.  You do not get to give up.  There is too much to fight for.

6. Masturbation is normal and wonderful.  I know it does not take you long to realize this, but just in case you need some help.

7.  Dana Scully really is that cool.  You will always think so. 

8.  If you can set your life up to where you and your family can hide away for the year 2020 and have enough food, supplies, money, etc.  Please God, do it.

I need you to be strong for me.  Hold tight.  There is so much more in you and in the world than you know.

Take care of you.

Laura

Love Warrior

Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle
2017
Weight: 9.6 oz
Method of Disposal: Left in a hotel in London

I went to a Leadercast Women Conference where there were a multitude of excellent speakers, but Glennon Doyle had the entire auditorium laughing. She was incredible. She brought honesty, feminism, love, motherhood, lesbianism to the stage and it seemed like almost everyone could relate in some way. I had to buy her book. So, I did. I was hoping to buy the book that I now realize is the ,yet to be released, Untamed.  

I am not going to lie. I was waiting for her to fall in love with her wife, Rapinoe, the whole time, since I knew that would happen from the talk she gave. So, I was disappointed when that didn’t happen! I have still another one of her books to catch up on before Untamed. Love Warrior was not hilarious in the way her talk was, but it was good. I was glad to read it, but it was also a little surreal hearing her trying to figure out her life and knowing how some things would pan out down the way, though in the book she did not.

I leave this by saying that if you ever get the chance to see Glennon Doyle do it. Don’t miss out. She’s so much fun.

Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void

Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void  by Mary Roach
2011
Weight: 9 oz
Method of Disposal: Returning to rightful owner (borrowed 4-5 years ago or so....I know...I am terrible)

I love all things space and thought this book was a lot of fun.  I have often dreamed about what it would be like to have the opportunity to board a space shuttle and leave Earth behind.  I have thought that I would do it even if I knew I would not make it back.  I have thought about how I would be pleased for my ashes after death to be shot up there, which is only a little weird because, otherwise, I do not care at all what happens to my dead body.  I've dreamed many many dreams about it and none of them included the oddities in this little book.

It was fun and disturbing to think about all the tiny details of astronaut life.  Roach covers bodily fluids, eating, human nature, fungal growth, relationships, sickness, and all the little things you likely do not want to experience in space, but you endure for the ultimate exploration experience.  There were times where she had me laughing out loud and times where she was just flat out uncouth, but the overall book was insightful and fun. 

I did not love hearing about animals in space, as it breaks my heart every time, but I am always glad to know all I can know about the history of space travel and that includes the poor dogs and chimps that were sent without their consent into the unknown. 

I know that not everyone is impressed with Mary Roach and her popular science books, but I think they are a great way to dip into worlds a lot of us do not know much about.  I like her upbeat writing and chipper personality.  I may not laugh at all her jokes, but she always gets me with a few of them.  Also, space is exciting whether you like the author or not so why not?  I think it is worth the read!

You Don't Have to Say You Love Me

You Don't Have to Say You Love Me
by Sherman Alexie
2017
Weight:2 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

Sherman Alexie is another one of those authors that I love and trust enough to just buy anything he publishes whenever I come across it.  I was introduced to him by an Agnes Scott professor named Dr. Guthrie, and I have been fascinated by him ever since.  I was out with my mom and Harriet recently when I found this one on the New Arrivals table at Barnes and Noble.  I did not have the $22.40 + tax to spare, but I could not talk myself out of it.  I am not suppose to be getting more books.  I am suppose to be letting go of all the books.  My wife will tell you that I am not doing a good job and that they are still stacked up high all around the basement.

I am glad I did not talk myself out of buying it.  I am almost reluctant to let it go, but I want someone else to enjoy it, and I know I will not have time to re-read it anytime soon.  It is a beautiful book about grieving, identity, parents, family, Sherman, loss, gains, race, genocide, power, weakness...it is about Sherman and his mother and his sisters and his father and his mother's rapist and his sister's rapist and his wife and his friend...Shall I go on?  It is a mix of fiction interwoven with nonfiction.  Poems with stories with powwow chants.

It is well worth a read.  Enjoy it!

Loves Executioner

Loves Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy  by Irvin D. Yalom, M.D.
1990
Weight: 8 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

When I first read the prologue to this book I was horrified by some of the things the author said.  The number one thing that sticks out in my mind was when he wrote about being repulsed by a fat woman who was his patient and was not sure he could offer her therapy.  I immediately closed the book and called my mom, who I assumed had read it and possibly passed it on to me.  She encouraged me to keep reading it and told me it would all be worth it.  I did, and I am glad I did.

I valued the author's insight into death and human reactions to death.  It is something I think about far more often than I would like to.  He mentions that death anxiety is often at its greatest when someone does not feel they are living the life they should be.  Amen to that.  I have noticed it.

He also writes about various patients he had, his hang-ups, and how he learned a lot about himself and his style of psychotherapy through working with them.  Some of the people he had the most difficult times with taught him the most, and often he became very close to them by the time their sessions were up.  I have to say, I would still hate to read about myself in one of his books!  It would be horrifying and embarrassing to me, even if my case was useful to him and to those who might learn from this book.  I go back to that fat woman.  Even reading it myself gave me anxieties about my weight and what professionals may be thinking about my body, much less what they might publish later.  He does come around with her, and she does (thank god) call him out by acknowledging how he treated her in the early sessions before she lost weight.  He does have an attitude adjustment while working with her, and her life does seem greatly improved by the end of the chapter.

There is a lot packed into this book, and it is insightful for a variety of reasons.  It is not without its problems, but I appreciate the author being able to lay himself out there in all of his glory, fuck-ups, strengths, and weaknesses.  I do believe I would recommend it to others, even 23 years after this edition was published.

Ruined by Reading

Ruined by Reading: A Life in Books by Lynne Sharon Schwartz
1997
Weight: 6.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Do you want it? Otherwise, I am putting it in a book donation drop box.

This book got off to a slow start. The author was writing about how she will no longer keep reading a book if she does not like it, and I kept thinking it was a nod in my direction that I could put this one down. I started it on a lunch break from work, and I did not feel like I had relaxed at all when I was done. The only thing I could relate to was on page 4 and I did not feel that the sentiment described in a particularly beautiful way. Schwartz wrote, “Despite all this mental pirouetting, or maybe because of it, I don’t remember much of what I’ve read. My lifelong capacity for forgetting distresses me….while I struggle for the details, all I recall is the excitement of reading.” I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and I was happy to stumble across someone struggling with the same thing.

Then, all of the sudden, I was on page 47, and I started to get into it. Schwartz got me going when she wrote about A Little Princess, a book I also loved as a child. I remember when I parents bought it for me I was furious. I hated princesses. Were they denying my tomboy identity? I was being a brat, but they kept asking me to give it a shot. I did, finally, and it was wonderful. After reading this section of the book, I went straight to my shelves to find my own copy of A Little Princess. I found it, and I am really looking forward to reading it again.

Later, she writes about McCullers, whom I love but also have not read since I was a teenager. Schwartz writes, “I’m afraid I’d feel certain dismay, like coming upon a photo of a great love of one’s youth with the eyes of middle age. Imagine pinning over that! Not that I’d find her books untrustworthy, just so oppressively young, so weighted by youth’s Gothic glooms, manias, and succulent indulgences” (90). How many times have I avoided a book for this reason?
Towards the end, on page 115, she questions, “So what has been the point? Not to amass knowledge, since I forget the contents of books. Certainly not to pass time, or ‘kill’ it, as some say. (Time will kill us).” I have been asking myself this for at least three years.

This book brushes up against interesting topics. How can you not when you are talking about books? I still found it to be mediocre. If you are looking for a good book about reading and books, I recommend looking into Anne Fadiman’s Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader.

Dream of the Tattered Man

A Dream of the Tattered Man: Stories from Georgia’s Death Row by Randolph Loney
2001
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Donate



I really could not appreciate this book. Almost everything about it grated on me, and I felt like I would never get through it. Each page was a little piece of punishment. Last month wasn’t the first time I had picked up the book, but it was the first time I made it through.

I bought it when I was on a local author kick. It was an unfortunate time in my life. I read a lot of shit. I know there are great local authors, but I was having trouble picking them out of the crowd. I thought this book would be right up my alley. At the time, It was a recent discovery for me that I was against the death penalty. Years later, when I finally read this book, I almost had trouble maintaining that stance. It is really too bad since the author is also anti-capital punishment. We were just so disconnected from each other!

Just to assure you (or horrify you), I still do not support the death penalty. I was able to reason with myself and push this book out of it. Just make sure you don’t throw this one at somebody in an attempt to persuade them to stand up and fight.

A quick list of problems I had with the book:
• Too much God, though the author tried not to do this
• Too much personal struggle (mostly guilt), impossible to empathize with
• Too much name-dropping
• Too many useless details/adjectives—descriptions of the rain
• Too many quotes

Just steer clear!

Form 668-B

Confessions of a Tax Collector: One Man’s Tour of Duty Inside the IRS by Richard Yancey (2005)
Waiting: The True Confessions of a Waitress by Debra Ginsberg (2001)
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Donate



This is my 100th entry. I am 170 books in and have lost 153.28 lbs. In all honesty, it is becoming increasingly difficult and painful. I hate watching my shelves shrink, and I hate letting great books go. I have not yet decided if I am making a huge mistake, but I am unwilling to stop.

I feel like I should have something really special for this entry, but they only place that has got me is nowhere. I have just been avoiding the blog since I couldn’t come up with an appropriate way to celebrate 100 entries. What should I give away? How much should I give away? Where should it all go? What makes it special?

I give up. I haven’t written most of the month. I came back to it today because I finished my tax collector book which I had read because of it being April. I had to get rid of it before April was over! It is month-appropriate. It also wasn’t very good, and I don’t want to wait until this time next year to get rid of it. Yancey is a detestable person. The book starts off o.k. You kind of care about him, you are kind of amused, and you are kind of intrigued by the IRS. As it goes on and on and on, you realize that you hate him. He sucks. The book is repetitive, self-important, and over-the-top awful. A day in the life books can be great, but this one failed on so many levels.

In my total disgust with this book, I started thinking about other books that give readers a glimpse into a work force world they may never be a part of. I remembered Waiting. I thought Waiting was enjoyable and important, but I did leave it still wanting something more. We need another book on serving, and I want it to be hilarious. I am a firm believer that everyone should have to serve tables at some point in their life. If they are not going to, they should at least pick up the book.

A friend of mine was just tipped with an expired coupon tonight. She is a great server. People are assholes. That tipper was probably never a server.
So, anyway, farewell career books and farewell to the month of April and farewell to tax season….

"You are so gracefully insane." -Sexton

Gracefully Insane: The Rise and Fall of America’s Premier Mental Institution
By Alex Beam
2001
Weight: 1.3 lbs
Method of Disposal: Donating, unless you want it



I sheepishly admit that I bought this book in 2002 and did not read it until just a few days ago. This is not the first time this has happened here, but who wants to admit how many books they have carried around without reading, while still buying more? Not me. I saw this book while I was working for Waldenbooks, but I purchased it at this amazing place called Kudzu. It was a huge bargain and remainder book store with books for miles. I would buy a whole shopping cart worth. I use to go with my mom quite often, but I also went with a wonderful woman named Kristal, whom I worked with. Gracefully Insane cost me $7.99. Most of the books I bought were even less pricey. Not to mention, I had a job with a lot of hours and no bills—money for miles. Oh, how I wish that part could happen again…so bad.

Gracefully Insane was not what I expected, though I cannot really tell you what that was. The book was full of interesting and potentially trivial snippets that kept me entertained. I read it quickly and happily. I was intrigued with the famous people who had resided at McLeans, all the luxuries that were offered there throughout the years, and the overwhelming wealth of many of the tenants. It was also frustrating to realize just how different it was for rich folks than others. McLean made it a point, early on, to kick out the “paupers.” It would house Ray Charles, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Susanna Kaysen, Ralph Waldo Emerson’s brother, among others.

I do recommend it. It was interesting and easy to read. Let me know if you are willing to try it out.