Zami: A New Spelling of My Name

 Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde
1982
Weight: 14 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

I am currently on a little bit of an Audre Lorde kick and have just re-read Zami: A New Spelling of my name.  One thing I absolutely love about Audre Lorde is that she is so seemingly honest and raw.  She is open about things that many people would keep private.  I think about her walking the streets with a knife in her coat, not knowing what she is doing or why, but disgruntled with upset about a recent breakup and her girlfriend finding a new partner.  This is not okay, and she knows this is not okay.  She does nothing with that knife, and she admits to having done it in her biography.  She writes about being a woman loving woman and a black woman in a time when that was even more shunned, ostracized, and legislated against than it is now.  She talks about trying to form a triatic relationship when no one around her was doing that and how it, ultimately, failed because no one in the relationship really knew themselves all that well.  We read about heterosexual feminists who cannot accept lesbianism or queerness of any sort.  They have no room in the movement.  Lorde writes about the anguish of losing her childhood bestfriend.  A friend that came to her for help and who she was unable to help at that time due to her fear of her parents anger.  She had no idea that meant her friend would end up dying by suicide, but it haunts her into adulthood.  She did not realize the abuse that friend was enduring at the hands of an adult man.  And yet, she also shows us beauty, determination, strength, and a will to fight and live.  

There is so much packed into this biography about race, class, coming of age, being a woman, loving women and people hating it, loving sex.  It ends with Lorde still in her twenties, and she still had so much life left to live.  She would pass away at 58, battling cancer, but she packed so much in to the next thirty or so years, and she left the world a more beautiful, empowered place.

I am now re-reading Sister Outsider.  I always appreciate the context Zami gives me for the rest of Lorde's work.

Premarital Counseling for Gays and Lesbians

 Premarital Counseling for Gays and Lesbians: Case Studies and Helpful Questions by Pamela Milam, LPC
2012
Weight: 5 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

This seems like a great place to start for anyone in a serious relationship if they are looking to get married, be together for a long time unmarried, move in together.  It is small, easy to read, and just simple good, advice.  It is inclusive of polyamorous relationships.  Unfortunately, it no longer seems to be readily available many places.  I would love to get this book to someone that needs it or wants it.  If you have any suggestions in the near future or would like me to mail it to you, let me know!

Timequake

Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut
1998
Weight: 8.8 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

Okay.  After my previous post ranting and raving about how truly awesome and amazing and easy to read Kurt Vonnegut is and has always been, I read Timequake.  Soooooo.....not so great.  There were still many witty Vonnegut moments, snippets that made me laugh out loud, and, yes, even things I might consider tattooing on my body but, overall, not so great. 

Also, after recently talking about some of the delightful feminism I found in a couple of his other books, I was not feeling it so much in this one.  Not that he was overwhelmingly kind to men or women.  I was about done with all the penis jokes and imagery about halfway through the book.  While he is known for being blunt and fun and, so I do not fault him for this or think he does not have every right to do so, I was going to vomit if I had to hear anymore about anyone ejaculating in someone's birth canal--particularly in the instance of rape, which was clearly described as such but never called rape. 

I guess my advice to you is that you should read this if you love Vonnegut and are not too squeamish or "square" as they say, but it is absolutely not the first Vonnegut book I would recommend you pick up.

, said the shotgun to the head.

, said the shotgun to the head. by Saul Williams
2003
Weight: 8.5 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

The look and design of this book is great.  I love that the poem has become an art form in looks and in words.  I loved this book for a long time, wooed by its good lucks.

Re-reading it now, I am less impressed.  In so many words, the book is about God being a woman and about a man being intimate with God.  I bet it makes a lot of Christians angry, which is no skin off my neck.  I just find it to be so particularly man-centric despite all the talk about SHE.  One reveiwer calls it feminsit babble.  I cannot imagine anything further from it.  As there always has been and seemingly always will be, woman is something to be ejaculated on and in even as a deity.  The penis is a gun, a weapon, a spreader of destruction.

Only a man would think of so many ways to fuck, fill up, and wallow around in God if there were one.  At once God is a woman and then later he is fucking God's wife.  I get it.  You have a powerful penis, an obsessive personality, a tendency to dream and ramble, and you feel important and disappointing all at once.  Women are better than you and pissing on them is the only way you feel like you can get close to their holiness. 

All in all, I still think it is a good poem, and the books design is great.  His subject matter is not my cup of tea, but it may be yours.  

Unexpected Pleasures

Unexpected Pleasures: Leaving Heterosexuality for a Lesbian Life  by Tamsin Wilton
2002
Weight: 1.2 lbs
Method of Disposal: Leaving in Decatur, GA

This book was given to me by a woman who chose to leave heterosexuality behind while in college.  She was very vocal about it being her choice, which I thought/think was/is great.  There is some discussion about sexuality as choice in this book, which makes me happy.  It is not just nature vs nurture.  In case you were wondering, I think it is nature, nurture, and/or choice that makes someone's sexuality.  I think everyone has their unique mix up.  I believe I have always felt more intimate and bonded with women and that there is, possibly, a biological, hormonal, genetic cause.  I also know that if given the choice to be heterosexual I would say hell no.  I love loving women.  And, as I got older, I realized that if I felt compelled to I could choose to have sex with men, but I also knew I would never want a relationship with one.  I have never felt a strong bond with a man, with the exception of my high school best friend, Chris, and I was never sexually attracted to him.  I also just don't think I could deal with the outcome of male socialization.  I have no interest in a power struggle or a lack of communication/emotion.  I am aware that there are millions of sensitive, caring, feminist men out there that would probably make wonderful partners, but I do not want to sift through them all when I know I prefer women up front.  I would rather try to find a wonderfully sensitive, feminist woman.  And, while I was a lesbian long before my sexual assault, I do think that being raped will forever inhibit and decrease any interest I might have in being intimate with a man. 

That being said, I am frequently attracted to women whose sexuality is less defined and more fluid.  It is an incredibly sexy quality to have.  There is a certain courage and acceptance that seems to go along with it but, more importantly, I feel like these women have less rigid rules and unfortunate judgements/stereotypes about other women (and men),as a whole.  It is unfortunate that the lesbian community can be so naively dismissive and unaccepting of women with what might seem to them to be a less clear cut, defined sexuality.  I feel like it is getting better with the younger generation, but I still see it affecting women's lives in strong ways.  I was glad that this was discussed in this book.

Unexpected Pleasures is kind of like an intro too and a self-help book for women coming out as lesbians later in life.  I wish it had been slightly more fluid, but the woman who wrote it was a researcher and so I understand she had to narrow her focus.  I would like to read a similar book that included lesbian women who have come out as heterosexual later in life and lot more women who did not identify as one way or another.  There were some components like lesbian sex being better than heterosexual sex as a whole that rubbed me the wrong way, and I had so much I wanted to put forth to argue my points.  We do not have to tear down one to enjoy another.

Overall, though, it was a good introductory, supportive, positive book, and it relied heavily on actual interviews with women, which I appreciated.  I also liked the sources offered in the back of the book. The book was written based on British women's experiences and so the sources were geared to them too, though the author had a few US sources as well.

Journal of Material Culture

Journal of Material Culture Vol 1, No 2 and 3  Sage Publicationss
1996
Weight: 1.5 lbs
Method of Disposal: Leaving at Joe's in EAV

These are strange things for someone like me to own.  Clearly a remnant of college, I am STILL reluctant to get rid of them.  It is not everyday you stumble across an article like , "Commodifying Affection, Authority and Gender in the Everyday Objects of Japan."  I am not even sure you could find it, as a non-academic, if you were looking.  What about "Don't Tell Dear': The Material od Tampons and Napkins?" Okay, that one might be easier.  Well, if you ARE looking right now then head to Joe's.  They are on the book cart.
 

The Apartheid of Sex

The Apartheid of Sex: A Manifesto on the Freedom of Gender

1995

Weight: 8 oz

Method of Disposal: Left at a Mexican Restaurant in Oakhurst GA

I am lucky to have the experiences I have.  This book would have really impressed me so much more if I had not already read so many other books putting forth similar arguments and, in many cases, the same arguments.  I am completely on board with the notion that there are a multitude of sexes and sexualities.  I do believe that both sex and gender are on a continuum and are not actually binary systems, despite what we are socialized to believe.  I am lucky because nothing in this book was new to me.  I have had the privilege of accessing this information at home, being exposed to it in school, experiencing it in real life.  It is for this reason that I found myself bored so often while reading the book.  I wanted to get wrapped up in the revolutionary tone and the strength of the author’s voice.  I wanted to feel what the reviewers felt.  I have a lot of interest in the work of Anne Fausto-Sterling and was hopeful after seeing her comments on the back of the book.  I am going to leave this book somewhere in Decatur and hope that it finds a home with an open-minded individual who has never thought about questioning the sex, gender, sexuality binaries.  Good luck little ManifestO!

A Little Princess

A Little Princess  by Frances Hodgson Burnett

1989

Weight: 1 lb

Method of Disposal:   Leaving in Downtown Decatur

My rebellion against my assigned gender began when I was very young.  The limitations and the rules about what I could and could not do as a girl where excessively frustrating to me.  I called bullshit, and I was usually right to do so, but there were some times where I might have overcompensated.  I was right in kindergarten to tear off my shirt despite my teachers’ protests and annoyance.  We were changing our shirts, and the line for the girl’s restroom was ridiculous.  The boys were just changing in the classroom and so would I, damn it.  My temper tantrum over wanting to be a boy scout and not a brownie was semi-reasonable, but I probably would have had more fun if I had just rolled with it.  Or if someone had explained to me that Brownies do more than bake desserts.  That was information I needed.  I might have been too busy bitching to hear that explanation from my mom.

It was no different when my parents handed my A Little Princess.  I was aggravated.  I hated princesses.  I hated the girl’s bonnet and fur trimmed coat on the cover.  I hated the doll the girl held in some of the pictures.  Did my parents know me at all?  Turns out, as per usual, they knew (know) me better than I knew (know) myself.  I fell in love with the book.  It was magical.  And the girl was not a feeble-minded, weak, girl-child.  She had some tomboy in her, like myself.

This is the exact copy I was given all those years ago.  It still has an old bookmark, a $3.00 bill I made for my imaginary town, Snow Town, where I lived as a penguin with my wife who was also a penguin.  My name was Tux and hers was Peppy.  Magical.  It will be hard to let this one go.

"The Lesbians Will Define Who is Lesbian."

POMOSEXUALS: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality
Edited by Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel
1997
Weight: 9.3 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving to Tracy



I hate to be giving Tracy yet another book about gender and sexuality that I did not enjoy all that much, but here I am doing it again. The good news is that a book about pomosexuals, no matter how much it disappoints, is still better than just any kind of reading. I am also, apparently, the only one who got bored while reading this book. It seems as if it received 12 five star reviews on Amazon and on Urban Dictionary the first definition for “pomosexual” that comes up is the exact subtitle of this book.

I guess I am starting to feel the same way about people’s sexual escapades as I do about coming out stories. I use to find them enthralling, empowering, and rejuvenating. Now, I just get bored. I love sex, filth, and fucking. I love bliss, passion, and safe words. I like sex in bathrooms, on buses, and in bedrooms. BDSM, role playing, polyamory, kissing, cuddling, sex toys, serial monogamy, and pornography. Throw it at me. I will probably like it. But a book needs to be more than that unless I am just trying to masturbate for awhile. I want to learn something! I don’t want to deal with everyone’s egos and bragging rights. I have seen enough dirt brushed off other people’s shoulders. It has a place in the world, and it is important, this book, but it has no place in my hands. I am over it.

There were a few interesting essays, and I love several of the writers. Their other books are great. I am glad to hear about so many people busting out of the rigid gay/lesbian binary and even the bisexual trianary. I like the gender fucking and the fun. I JUST WANT MORE. Is that so much to ask?! I am starting to think that it is.

I hope that I am wrong about this book, and that it will find a more compatible companion in Tracy who will hopefully be able to dig out the components I missed in my irritation. We shall see…

Queer (not so?) Fabulous

From the Inside Out: Radical Gender Transformation, FTM and Beyond edited by Morty Diamond
2004
Weight: 6.4 oz.
Method of Disposal: Giving away to my friend, Tracy H.



I recently had a conversation about the use of the word queer (amongst other things) with a good friend over cold beer. We had different experiences and feelings surrounding the word. This book does not really define, explain, or defend the word though almost everyone in the book self-identifies as “queer.” It is a book about and by transgendered people, monster trans people, genderqueer people, and so many others. I have re-read it and am passing it on in hopes that it will help in the quest for understanding, community, and revolution that is so desperately sought by so many people struggling with what identity may or may not mean to THE movement.

It is not my favorite book about “radical gender transformation”, but it has its moments. It is one in a list of many that I will be re-reading and then passing on.

In this collection, I particularly like “Father and Son” by Mykkah Herner and was happy that I was inheriting some of my father’s shorts while I was reading about his father-son bonding moment, receiving hand-me-downs in the form of suits, shirts, and pants. I was also a big fan of “Dear Breasts” by Storm Florez and “If I Should Die Before I wake…Don’t Let Me 9/26-11/4/02 For Brotha Bear” by Imani Henry.

If you have read this book or when you read this book—let me know what you think.