Easy Crafts for the Insane

 Easy Crafts for the Insane: The Mostly Funny Memoir of Mental Illness and Making Things by Kelly Williams Brown
2021
Weight: 1.6 lbs
Method of Disposal: Giving Away on with a Buy Nothing Group

This book left me with an uneasy feeling for days and was, ultimately, "the straw that broke the camel's back" for me.  I have been battling depression unsuccessfully for quite some time now.  I do not want to ruin the book for you if you have not read it.  So, stop reading here now if you want--how odd to think about "ruining the story" when you are talking about someone's life.

In this book, the author talks about her own struggle with depression and the impacts it had on her relationships with her friends, self, boyfriend, and family.  She also describes her near death experience with suicide.  The way she described it haunted me in that she did not think of herself as someone who would die that way and then found herself just minutes away from death.  Her boyfriend could not recover from it and was deeply wounded.  They ultimately broke up.  I did not think I would go that far either, but there were many times I scared myself with how deeply I was sinking anyway.  Especially right before, during, and after my period.  I could not live like that--feeling like I could not control my own actions for half the month each month.  The author wrote about her brain being unhealthy in the same way other parts of her body could become unhealthy.  She would not think twice about taking medication to help other parts of her body.  She described how it felt after she took medication for her mental health.  

I wanted to be a better wife and partner.  I started looking into psychiatrists and finally decided to talk to one and started to take Prozac.  It was not easy.  Over a decade ago, I had a negative experience with a psychiatrist and therapist that left me unwilling to seek help for my mental health since.   I got desperate enough.  That is where I am at.  The edge has been taken off, and I am trying to figure it all out with a little less drama.  I am grateful to the author for the insight.

Untamed

 Untamed by Glennon Doyle
2020
Weight: 1.05 lbs
Method of Disposal: Giving to a Friend

I have wanted this book since before it was published, though I am quite new to Glennon Doyle, having just over a year ago discovered her at a Leadercast Conference.  It is hard to imagine us all packed into that auditorium now.  She had me laughing so much and, ever since, I have been on the hunt for this book, which finally was published.  Ultimately, a friend gave me a copy AND Harriet bought me a copy for Christmas.  I think Harry might have been trying to imply something when she bought be the LARGE PRINT edition.

I really enjoyed reading this book.  It does not include groundbreaking feminist ideology or tell us more about human sexuality than we previously knew, but it delivers information about both and so many other things in a fun, open, and useful way.  I loved (if love is the right word) when Doyle was talking about asking her kids if they were hungry.  The boys, in unison, immediately said "yes."  The girls looked to each other to determine silently if they themselves were hungry and one girl spoke up with "no."  I like how she describes the strengths of each of her kids and how different they are.  I appreciate her insights into addiction and living post-addiction.

There is a section of the book where a friend of hers says something about how she was "born that way," and she makes the argument of why could I not choose this for myself because it is GOOD.  Every time I hear "who would choose to be born that way," my soul cringes.  There was a time when I would not have chosen this, when I was young and scared, but now I would choose this and choose Harriet fully, knowingly, and 100 times over.

This is a good, fun, meaningful read.  I recommend it!

The Moth Presents Occasional Magic

 The Moth Presents Occasional Magic: True Stories About Defying the Impossible Edited by Catherine Burns
2019
Weight: 1.05 lbs
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

I accidentally picked up the first Moth book while in Santa Rosa, Florida at a wonderful little bookstore called Sundog Books.  I have no idea what drew me to it, but I picked it up last minute while waiting in line for the register.  I was buying an absurd amount of greeting cards, as usual, and a few books.  There were a lot of people in there, and the downtown Square was much more popular and populated than I had ever remembered seeing it.  The small city had really grown in the years I had been away.  It is hard to imagine all the things we did on that trip now.  Covid would have changed everything, as it has done this year.  I am so glad we already had so many of the times we've had.  I know the present and future have so much to offer also, but it is not terrible to reflect on the past.

Moth has these incredible, sometimes unbelievable, personal stories, like the piece by a teenager about her experience saving a shooting victim.  She used skills she learned from Umedics, a black grassroots group that teaches people how to medically respond in emergency situations.  Not only does she save him, as a child, but then she goes on to help get his family trained to also respond in similar situations.  Those kind of stories make you wonder about your own mettle.

There was another story about a young, gay man, growing up in a homophobic landscape, trying to find himself.  Trying to win over and then ultimately deciding to emulate a young man he had been seeing in the bar only to find out much later that the man he had been hyping up was Jeffrey Fucking Dahmer.

There are also stories about what one woman wore to her divorce, what it was like to meet President Obama while working for his team, an adult son finding a relationship with his dad, and so many others.  It is good stuff.  

Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction

 Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction by Judith Grisel
2019
Weight: 16 oz
Method of Disposal: Mailing to a Friend

This book is part memoir and part scientific essay on neuroscience and addiction.  It is an excellent introduction for someone who wants to understand addiction better across a spectrum of drugs.  The author discusses the differences and similarities between stimulants, opiates, alcohol, thc, psychedelics, and other drugs.  Judith briefly mentions how others in the same or similar situation as her died, and that there is no reason she should have necessarily made it out alive and they did not.  She was in enough dangerous situations, but thank goodness she made it out.  Now, look at the work she is doing.  It is really impressive.  Think of all the talent, intelligence, and value we lose to addiction every day, with those that do not make it out.

No Walls and the Recurring Dream

No Walls and the Recurring Dream: A Memoir by Ani Difranco
2019
Weight: 1.9 lbs
Method of Diposal:  I might just have to save this one a little longer...

I received this book because I made a donation to Planned Parenthood at an Amanda Palmer concert May of last year.  It is an Ani Difranco book signed by Amanda Palmer.  The world was a mess and reproductive rights were in turmoil.  Both Alabama and Georgia were introducing extreme anti-abortion bills.  Every day it seemed like Trump was carrying out some new attack on undocumented immigrants.  In the months to follow, Brett Kavanaugh would be nominated to the Surpreme Court despite sexual assault allegations.  All the progress we had made as Americans over the decades seemed to be getting stripped away from us at an alarming pace.

That night, listening to Amanda Palmer, felt like a safe space with people who understood how much it hurt to have no control over your own body.  A feeling women and queer people and people of color and disabled people have had in countless ways for countless centuries.  We carry it in our blood and the marrow of our bones.  It is in our communal and independent histories.

Now, we are in the middle of a worldwide pandemic and everything is even more fragile and unstable than many expected (even with the warnings we had--there's always so much to worry about and so many warnings), and we have the same leaders we had in May 2019.  People are scared, frustrated, confused, and many are hunkering down, looking out only for themselves, but many of us are learning that there is no way to combat this without coming together as a bipartisan community.  Without every single one of us doing our part to stop the spread.  #canceleverything This could be powerful but, right now, there is a neighborhood fair down the road and the children are being lifted in the air and swung around in the parking lot of a mall that is otherwise empty.  We are in a National State of Emergency.  Georgia is in a Medical State of Emergency.  Atlanta's mayor has called a State of Emergency for the city.  There are 181,200 confirmed cases of Covid-19 worldwide, 7,115 deaths, and 78,085 people have recovered.  We have 121 cases in Georgia and rising.  Italy has shut their nation down.  France shuts down tomorrow.  Iranians and the folks in Ohio, USA are releasing prisoners (do you know how hard it is to get people to release prisoners?!).  The English Prime Minister is still at the stage of saying wash your hands and stay home if sick.

The numbers just keep rising everywhere but in China, where the virus first hit, and where they implemented extreme quarantines.  The Italians have sent us a warning saying in 9 days we will be worse than we could ever have imagined but, in America, we want freedom even if it means death.  Always and forever.  We cannot even give it up for a month to help the world population get on top of this and recover.  People are still hitting the bars, parading, and protesting that it is just a bug, just like the flu, and only kills the elderly and physically weak, as if the elderly and physically weak were not people we love and people that we are.  As if the virus does not make exceptions and decides to strike down the young too.

The world is constantly evolving, and I am not the one to predict what people will and won't do.  They surprise me, and it is not at all uncommon for me in my entire life to feel as if I am on the outside and looking in, not a part of the world in the way others are.  I think the first time I ever felt like I could relate in a real way to popular culture/the outside world/someone I did not know--it was when I was at a music store with my grandfather as a teenager.  He said he would buy my a CD.  Somehow, by some magic, I picked up "Not a Pretty Girl" by Ani Difranco and, knowing nothing about her at all, knew I needed it.  When I got home, I listened to it with hope, with love, and with a heart wide open and then I could not turn off the craving for more. 

I am not entirely sure if I would have made it through high school without having Ani Difranco to listen to.  She made me see all those parts of myself that the kids at school tormented me for not as weaknesses but as amazing strengths I needed to wield and walk forward with. As I grew older and Ani did too, her music changed and I changed too.  We evolved and continue to, as does everyone around us.  And yet, I find myself drawn to her book, to her music, to her thoughts still.  In this time of crisis, I crave the thoughts of others and need the passion and strength they offer to know that today we fight, tomorrow we do too, and sometimes we need rest.  What I love most about the evolution of Ani is that once I saw her like a mirror (though we were nothing alike), and I needed that then.  Now, I respect her as someone different and, because I respect her, that difference can intermingle with my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions.  The more my mind contains my own thoughts and includes the thoughts of others, the more I grow as a person.

This book was good and multi-faceted.  I would have enjoyed it as an Ani fan or not.  There was a lot she touched on in a short time frame and there was a lot that was left out, I know, but I am so thankful for what she chose to share and that she could sit with me in this moment when I am afraid and unsure just like I was when I was a teenage girl and though, her words do not speak to what I am going through, I see strength in her that makes me remember my own strength and helps me to flex those muscles I sometimes forget are there.

Meanwhile, the President and the Georgia Governor ask us all to pray.  Dear God, Save Us All.  I am focused on evolving and community.

Becoming

Becoming by Michelle Obama
2018
Weight: 1.8 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

Harriet bought me this book for Christmas along with a stack of other (very politically motivated) books, and I was excited to read it.  It was the first one I picked up.  It took me forever to finish it, not because it was bad, but because I have really struggled to find time to read or write since becoming a manager five or so years ago.  It has been a long time since I have written here!  Once I was halfway through, I kept trying to make the time to read it.  Michele and Barack were falling in love, and it felt like a fairy tale, but between two incredibly intelligent and motivated people. 

I was consistently in awe of the Obama family as a whole. and I did see another side of the story from Michelle's point of view.  It really came across clearly how much they had to sacrifice as a family for Obama to lead us for eight years and the true pressure that was on them to be perfect.  There could not have been a better family for it.

I was really tempted to keep this book, particularly in our current political climate.  It is almost like a safety blanket, something to hold on to.  But, then I realized, that is more the reason to share it so I will send it out into the world.

Giselle's Bucket List

Giselle's Bucket List by Lauren Fern Watt
2017
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Lending library at a shelter

This ended up being my beach read in Sanibel because I had absolutely no time for reading, and this is something you can fall in and out of easily.  It reads quickly and is full of pictures of an incredible and sweet mastiff, Gizelle.  The author is a young, confused woman who is trying to figure out her place and meaning in the world--I can still relate to that, and I am just under ten years older than her!

 I am only slightly kidding.  I remember being 25 years old and being desperate for meaning and answers.  It was very frightening and it all felt so urgent.  I only made it through because of my dogs (and ultimately meeting my wife).  It is a scary age to own a pet because a lot of 25 year olds cannot afford the medical bills or know what it takes to truly commit to a dog for life, but I believe it is a time when many people would benefit from having a pet.  Lauren clearly did.

I, of course, cried when Lauren had to say goodbye to Gizelle and could absolutely empathize with her.  My heart broke.  6 years is definitely not long enough.  I am glad Gizelle had Lauren and her family and friends though.

I don't know that this book had a real trajectory.  The author tried to use the bucket list as the glue that bound it all together, but the bucket list did not really seem to be the big, powerful thing.  It seemed like she tried to fit the list into the book instead of the list driving the book.  I think, like in life, she was confused about what to do with herself, her feelings, and her grief and so she wrote a book.  I think she did a good job for where she is at in life, though it did not speak to me as much as it might have when I was younger.  I can still remember and relate. 

I also appreciated her sharing the difficulties she faces loving an addict/her mom.  That was heavy and sad and something else the author was trying to make sense of.  Her honesty in and of itself was helpful, and you could see the love shine through the sadness and frustration in her acknowledgements at the end of the book.  This book is not going to teach most people anything, including the author, but it is a sweet love letter to the dog Lauren adored so deeply and a good peek into what it feels like to be twenty something and not know what you are doing with your life, relationships, and career.

Cherry

Cherry by Mary Karr
2000
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

Coming of Age stories, like the previously written about coming out story, are hard because they are done by so many people in so many different ways.  It can feel like you have read them over and over again.  The time this is written is also important for context.  18 years ago. 

I was enjoying it but not overly blown away by it.  I totally appreciated the young narrator reveling in her sexual power, but I felt like I was watching her fall into low self-esteem, drugs, bad situations with little consequence and not a lot of insight into the reasons she was spiraling out.  We did get the impression that it was due to her parents not being overly concerned with her life, though they were there for her in very important and big ways when it counted.  Her dad is painted as having some anger issues, and her mom does at one point attempt to kill herself with both daughters begging her not to.

 It was not until the author, or maybe it was the letter at the front, someone anyway, pointed out that it was a sexual coming of age story written from a girl's perspective that I felt that old familiar rallying cry of pro-sex feminism rise up within me.  I had forgotten that we have for so long not been able to read young girl characters as sexual agents in their own story.  That we've had coming of ages stories for boys out the wazoo but not for girls.  So, I can respect it for that.  I don't know when life started ti improve enough that I forgot that, but I remember being a young girl now and hating Holden Caulfield and feeling like I could not relate to any coming of age story ever written.  Given, as a super lesbian teen, I probably would not have related so much to this one either, but I can appreciate it's importance.  I was busting with sexuality back then, but it was in a very different way, I think.

One complaint I did have was that I did not feel like there was a real ending, and I felt like the writing there was kind of rushed.  I wished for something more, but I am not sure what it was.  There was just this hippie, drug-induced, whatever whatever that ended in jail and then Mary's mom came to the rescue in a way that still made Mary feel angry and isolated.  I guess with it being a memoir, maybe that is just real life?  I don't know.

TWEAK

Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines  Nic Sheff
2009
Weight: 10.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

I recently picked this book off my shelf at random.  I did not read it all in one day like many people said they did.  I found it very difficult to get through.  It follows the life of a drug addict and at every turn things get worse and worse and worse and better and worse.  As a reader, you watched things happen and wanted to shout "no" or "stop" or "you know what he just did to you, right?" But the bad things happened anyway.  It made me feel sick and sad.  The desperation, the trying, the messing up.  This book was successful.  It gave you an inkling as to how painful addiction can be and how difficult it can be to overcome.  The relapses and the pain caused along the way.

Nic describes being raised with money and around money.  In many ways, this added to his addiction, as he could still money and housing from people who had it.  It also is what gave him a chance at survival, as his parents/friends/whoever could afford to get him into rehabs repeatedly.  I am afraid to Google his name, but I hope he was able to overcome once and for all this time.  I cannot imagine how difficult it would be coming from any socio-economic situation.

A Queer and Pleasant Danger

A Queer and Pleasant Danger: A Memoir  by Kate Bornstein
2012
Weight: 1.5 lbs
Method of Disposal: Leaving at Joe's in EAV

My dear friend, Harriet, bought me this book for my birthday before she flew back home to the U.K.
It was on my wish list--yeah yeah, I know I should not even have a wish list since I am trying to get rid of all my books.  It is hard though.  I do not want to only ready books from the 80's and 90's.  I need to have access to current information and literature.

I was excited to read it because I read some of Bornstein's other work in college and really enjoyed it and learned from it.  Gender Outlaw was my first and then I had to get The Gender Workbook, neither of which I am prepared to get rid of yet.

This memoir is, amongst other things, a letter to the author's daughter who she has not spoken to in 16 years.  Bornstein's need to communicate with her daughter and the obstacles that prevent it broke my heart from page one.  She tears into her life and exposes herself in every chapter.  We hear about her childhood, her father, and the experiences she had while realizing her transgender identity.  Then we are sucked into the strict, abusive world of Scientology, something I never knew about Bornstein before I read this book.  It exposes things I never knew, and I found it to be so interesting and, again, heartbreaking that it is the largest obstacle between Kate and her daughter.  She writes about BDSM, her eating disorder, her relationships, her sex life, the loss of her mother, the loss of her brother, loneliness, closeness.  It can get raw and some people may even think gritty, but it was so honest and so interesting.  I left with a new level of respect for Bornstein, whom I already respected.  If you are looking for an interesting memoir by someone who has probably led a more exciting life than you then this is the one.

The Idiot Girls' Action Adventure Club

The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life  by Laurie Notaro

2002

Weight:  6.4 oz

Method of Disposal: Donating

A phenomenal person was born on this day years ago.  We celebrated and not in the style of Laurie Notaro, whose stories are more likely to resemble random moments in my life than in Tracy’s (the phenomaenal person).  Regardless of that disparity, I decided to get rid of this book today in the interest of parties, partying, and the overall good times.

I met T four years ago, and I have been amazed ever since then.  There are few people who understand me better than her and there are even fewer people that I could spend so much time with and still enjoy life.  She encourages, inspires, and teaches me.  She is hilarious, redunkulous, and essential.  This is my shout out.  Happy Birthday, Tracy!  Love you!

As for Notaro, if you are interested in reading about drunken adventures and the times when life goes awry—the things most people do not admit—you may be interested in reading this book.  Let me know.  You have until this upcoming Friday to claim this book as your own.  Otherwise, it is off to the donation bin.

Riding in Cars with Boys

Riding in Cars With Boys  by Beverly Donofrio

2001

Weight: 2.4 oz

Method of Disposal: Giving Away or Donating

It was late at night, and I was looking for a movie I could watch online, right away.  I came across Riding in Cars with Boys and, as per usual, I thought I had already seen it but figured I would give myself a quick refresher since I could not remember it.  I don’t know why I always felt like I had seen the movie and read the book.  I know now that I had done neither.  

I enjoyed the movie overall.  I sympathized with Barrymore’s character and with the character of the son.  I did not think the acting was top of the line, but I am not on the Barrymore bashing bandwagon either.  I have always liked her.  I was invested.

I went to bed thinking about Bev and when I woke up I decided to track the book down.  I found it on one of my shelves and started reading.  There were so many glaring differences!  It is obvious that the people who made the movie felt that they needed to make Bev a more likeable and pitiable character.  It was annoying to realize all the changes.  In the movie Bev does not smoke marijuana, but she does get busted for it in a last ditch effort to get her family out of the rut they are stuck in.  In the book it is her saving grace and even helps her relationship temporarily. She enjoys smoking and does it often.   In the movie, she never wanted to be married and was pushed in that direction.  In the book, she does fall for it for awhile.  She loves Ray—the moron.  In the movie, she does not get into college because they are afraid she will not be focused.  In the book, the college she attends on a scholarship understands that she will not be able to handle the course load of the other students.  I knew the romantic relationship between her child and her best friend’s child was bullshit before I read the book.  That would never happen in real life.  It goes on and on and on.  

It is true that in the book she makes a lot of bad and selfish choices.  She is called a bad mother more than once and the reader can see why.  She brings strange men into the home where she lives with her son and with her best friend’s daughter on a regular basis.  She complains about her son’s existence repeatedly.  She leaves him with his junkie father to go out and have fun.  They show that she can be a little selfish in the movie but not like that.  In the end, though, I can still see that she loves her son, that she was young when she had him and ill-prepared, that they are bonded and have a good relationship.  I can see that some of her unusual parenting styles were probably beneficial for her son and some of them were not.  She was a young girl who did not have the option of abortion and it changed her whole life.  She is brutally honest about her experience and does not hide behind shame.  A lot of parents make mistakes and do illegal, risky, problematic things with their children.  They are not all so honest about it.  Many do not do it as often, but if we did not grow up poor, with a baby as a teenager, who we to say how we would have handled it.  I am not convinced I would be better than Bev.  I think when all things are said and done she is a good mother who loves her son and had a rocky road to that realization.  She is possibly also a little hard on herself and does not mention all the sweet things she did as often as all the risky things.  Movie Bev, Book Bev , you both frustrated me, broke my heart, had me fighting for you, had me dreaming with you.  

Now, that last line makes it look like I wanted to write a raving review.  I give both the movie and the book 3 stars.

The Mistress's Daughter

2 X The Mistress’s Daughter  by A.M. Homes

2007

Weight: 11 oz

Method of Disposal: Donating or giving to you if you ask

I have two copies of this book that are in brand new condition.  One was given to me by my dear friend Sarah and the other I kind of inherited.  I can’t let someone just trash an A.M. Homes book so I took it!  As some of you are aware, A.M. Homes is one of my favorite fiction authors.  This book is her memoir.  You can imagine how excited I was when I first saw that it was available.

While I do much prefer her fiction, I was invested in this book.  I came in with bias, but I do not really care.  It is about Homes wrestling with being adopted, trying to find her biological parents, and connecting with her genealogy.  I agree with other reviewers that the book’s strength is in the beginning and the weakness seems to be at the end.  I cannot comment on how accurate of a portrayal this is of what it feels like to be adopted.  I have no idea.  But, I do not know why it has to be that.  It is a portrayal of how it was for A.M. Homes and that is enough.  

She is an excellent author, and I liked this book.  I think I would give it a 3 star rating on a 5 star scale.  If you would like your very own copy or know someone who would, please let me know.

Girl, Interrupted

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen
1994
Weight: 6.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating or giving away

Here is a look into what life was like in McLean in the late 60’s. If you read the blog post about the book Gracefully Insane , you will recognize that this book is about the same hospital. Susanna Kaysen spent almost two years of her life there with other teenage girls. This memoir inspired the major motion picture starring Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie. I would say that the book is better than the movie, as it almost always is. I found both the book and the movie to be okay but not incredible, though this is the best book I have read by Kaysen.

The history of mental institutions is frightening, and it is impossible not become absorbed in some of the stories that come out of them. The doctors and nurses often being described in a way that makes them seem far more “insane” than their patients, though not always. I am currently reading The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein, and that book opens with quite the horror story. She speaks of a young woman who went into the hospital for anxiety in the 60’s and after being tortured in the name of treatment is later labeled schizophrenic.

I am sure it will surprise no one that I bought this book sometime around the age of 16 when I was buying all sorts of Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath books. There is something about this type of memoir that attracts teenage girls. It is not totally fair because these adult women do have a story to tell that is not juvenile and that is important. It just seems to be a common theme involved in teenage angst, despite how talented, how traumatic, how brilliant, how whatever the writing may be. I guess teenage girls can relate to feeling like they do not have control of their bodies or their minds. They are empathetic to disorientation, confusion, and despair. They are growing up in a world with conflicting messages and enormous pressure.

Who knows who this book will find next. What they will be like. I hope they get something out of it.