Sunday, November 18, 2018

Under the Harrow

Under the Harrow by Flynn Berry
2016
Weight: 5 0z
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


I am not sure where this book came from.  My grandmother loves mysteries.  Maybe it was her?  I picked it up because I wanted to read some fiction, it takes place in England, and the idea of living with the knowledge someone you loved was murdered haunted me in a way that I felt a need to understand/empathize with though, hopefully, never experience. 

I read it quickly and when I put it down I thought it was an alright book, but there were things I liked more and more the more I thought about it.  The end wraps up quickly, but getting there we watch a woman trying to get control of a situation far beyond her control.  She grows increasingly obsessed and her own life unravels as we read.  Her obsession becomes ours, and it can be challenging to outside of or around it.  Overall, I recommend it!

Dog Medicine

Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself by Julie Barton
2016
Weight: 8 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library at Shelter


I struggled to know how to write about this one.  Maybe I should not read books about dogs anymore.  I cringed each time the author's dog's legs went out, he screamed in pain, and she did not take him to the vet.  It was obvious she loved him more than anything and still it was painful to read those moments.  I wondered about the dog that went back to the shelter in NY and the rabbit that lived in the apartment. 

I appreciated the author's honesty and that she wrote about her depression in a way that felt authentic.  It was challenging to get through.  I had trouble hearing about her parent's struggle to help her save herself.  I wished there was a book by her mom, her dad, and even her brother. 

I do not know why I was so resistant to her story.  Clearly. so many people love it and relate to it.  Maybe it was our differences in how we approach dogs or maybe I really struggle to read about someone else dealing with depression.  I don't know why.  I fight with it too, and I know that there are a lot of people out there dealing with depression silently who need to know that other people are dealing with it too and that it happens to all sorts of people for a variety of reasons, some of them unknown.  Still, there is a part of me that rears up when I see someone lashing out at people trying to care for them, turning their back on the responsibilities of work, and of pets.  I cannot explain it.  I should be more understanding.  I guess that might be how people close to me look at me.  I don't know.

Monday, November 12, 2018

Love, Death, and the Changing Seasons

Love, Death, and the Changing Seasons by Marilyn Hacker
1995
Weight: 7 ounces
Method of Disposal: Donation



This book would have been even better if I had discovered it in the 90s when there were so few books written by and for lesbians, but it was great now too.  Hacker writes passionately about a woman she meets, falls in love with, and loses.  Many of the poems are erotic and charged with the excitement of finding someone completely irresistible.  The overwhelming and strong feelings behind desire, lust, and loss are feelings I am sure almost all of us can relate to at some point in our lives.  As a married person, it makes me not miss the heartbreak of loss at all, though that magnetism you feel with someone when you first start falling for them is delightful.  The security and depth of lasting love is the best, but I hope I never find out what the loss of that does to a person like me!

Other things I wish:  That I could work from home and write about my life, lesbianism, love, grief, despair, and everything else.  Le sigh.

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Dog Sense

Dog Sense: 99 Relationship Tips From Your Canine Companion by Carla Genender
2006
Weight: 10 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library



Working in animal rescue has led me to collect, receive, and trade all sorts of dog books.  This one was given to me by a volunteer and contains cute little snippets from the perspective of owned dogs and little information blips about rescued pups.  I will take it to the lending library at the shelter so another volunteer or staff member can enjoy it.

Working in animal rescue has also led me to take home and foster a large number of dogs--all incredibly unique and different than each other.  My wife and I are currently fostering a beautiful, large dog named Kurt Vonnegut.  He is 80 lbs and at least 20 of those pounds must be in his head, which he throws around constantly.  He manages to bash that little pea brain in to all sorts of things in the course of a single day.  He is lanky and goofy and always seems to have a limp, which he has been to the doctor to have checked many times.  We are currently on a lot of pain medication but still have no real idea what is causing it.  The words "bone cancer" have been thrown around a lot. 

We tend to take in animals who need a lot of care, care that others may find scary, or pets who have serious behavioral problems.  The main reason we do this is because we often cannot find anyone else at that time for those particular pets and they have an immediate need.  The other reason is that we have a pack of our own dogs, and we can only justify changing their lives for the ones that might not make it otherwise.  We have seen a lot of happy endings--more than we have seen sad ones, but we have definitely had our share of sad endings.  Sometimes, we just don't know the ending.  The dog or cat disappears with their new owner never to be heard from again.

Kurt Vonnegut will have the saddest of endings, and it is unbearable to think about.  We initially heard about Kurt Vonnegut when we received a call for help that he was lost in a snow storm.  We went to help, but we could not find him.  We would ultimately track him down at a nearby animal control, and we would struggle with them a lot and for several weeks to get them to turn him over to us.  They seemed to think the owner would come for him and pay his fees, but we knew from the owner that he would not.  We also found out before that home he had been found by another man who had rehomed him.  He ended up with a young man who had people in and out of the house all day.  His roommate let us know that there was a stick he would discipline Kurt with.  We were relieved when we finally got the go ahead to meet Kurt for the first time and take him back to our rescue.

The day I picked Kurt up he rode quite happily resting his head on me and smiling all the way home.  I brought him to my house and played ball with him in the backyard and gave him a bath before taking him to our shelter.  He was vocal but a real cutie.  We stopped at a gas station and a guy came up to the car and told me that you could tell just by looking at him that he had loved me for a long time and would do anything for me.  I told the man I had just met him for the first time.  I probably shouldn't have, but he assured me that the dog loved me just the same and that he could always tell when someone had a close bond with their dog. 

It was hard to leave him at the shelter, and it was even more challenging to watch him grow stir crazy.  It broke my heart.  He would tear holes in metal bowls with his teeth if you left them in his cage too long!  We tried to find him a foster, and we were so happy when we did find one.  She seemed to love him, and she said he was wonderful.  Then, at 5:30 in the morning, I received a phone call saying that one of our dogs had been found, and I needed to come pick him up from the finder's house.  Harriet and I were stunned to see Kurt when we arrived.  The woman explained she had seen him running around the neighborhood for awhile.  Hours later the fosters would report him missing and tell us they let him out off leash the night before because there was a snake outside they did not want to go near.  They did not have a fenced in yard so when they opened the door to let him back in he was gone, and he never came back.  We opted not to return him to them and moved him to a quiet area of the shelter where he could free-roam.  Over time, he grew protective of his area and tired of the people who did not respect his space, like the volunteer we caught "training" him by giving him extended hugs.  She thought you could embrace the fear/bad manners/pain out of a dog. We moved him back to kennels.  Soon after that he bit a volunteer and sent her to the hospital.  The bite was reported to the county and the management team had to discuss euthanasia.  The county official told us that the bite was severe and recommended euthanasia.  The trainer stated it was a Level 5 bite and also suggested euthanasia. 

The staff was so attached to Kurt, and my wife and I were too.  We struggled to understand what had happened.  We knew he had been trough a great deal, and that he was bounced around far more than a dog should be.  We dissected the event to the nth degree.  Kurt was meeting the volunteer for the first time, there was food in his kennel, she reached over his head to unclip his harness, and later we would realize he was sore right where the clip was.  It was the perfect storm of mistakes.  We love the volunteer dearly, and we were devastated she got hurt.  She has been volunteering longer than anyone else has been working there.  She too was concerned about what would happen to Kurt.  We presented everything we knew to the trainer, and she said a staff member could take him home and then we could re-evaluate in 2 months.

Next thing we knew, Kurt Vonnegut was coming home with us.  We were not sure what to expect.  Would he hurt us?  Could he be dangerous?  Could we take things from him?  Discipline him?  Bathe him?  We suspected that there was nothing he or we could do to change the trainer and director's minds that he was a dangerous dog that needed to be euthanized and, 6 months later, I know that to be the truth.  We needed to know ourselves though, and we held onto that sliver of hope that he would transform so dramatically that everyone would recognize it.  In the meantime, it was amusing to tell people that Kurt Vonnegut was not housebroken or Kurt Vonnegut was cranky or Kurt Vonnegut was throwing a temper tantrum.  I think the author would have appreciated it.

Kurt has grown to be our bratty, cantankerous baby, and we love him dearly. It sometimes seems like most other people have forgotten he exists, and we live in this planet apart from everyone else where we get to know him in a way no one else does.  When he gets frustrated or upset, he barks louder than anything and causes us anxiety, worrying about our neighbors, .  He is frequently frustrated since he has no impulse control and has a whole list of desires.  He loves to get and destroy new toys.  If you give him a plush toy it will muffle his barking because he cannot bring himself to drop it just to vocalize.  He is like Marley and Me, but with some really REALLY heavy baggage.  He is always bounding around, throwing that big old head about, and taking out everything resting on table tops, knocking over furniture, and causing chaos in his wake.  He has persistent skin allergies and sporadic lameness.  We have had him on medication the entire time we have had him.  I am not saying he is easy.  I am saying that he is wonderful and imperfect in the most perfect way.  We often say that it is not the aggression that will be the issue in another home.  It is his storm phobia, his destructiveness, his peeing in his crate, his medical bills.  It is daunting.

It should not be, I suppose, because the decision has been made that he is not safe to have in the community and that we must say goodbye to our dear friend.  You see, the problem with "monsters" is that when you know them they are not always so scary and sometimes they can be downright lovable.  I am not angry with the people who have decided he cannot live safely in the world.  I know where they are coming from.  The bite was severe, and someone was hurt badly.  I am only angry with myself.  For letting him down and for allowing him to trust me when I have not been trustworthy.  I should have got him out of the shelter before he got so frustrated that he hurt someone.  I should have worked harder to train him in these 6 months.  I do not know what they would have needed to see that would change his future, but I should have tried harder to get him to be a model citizen and to show it.  I have adopted dogs in the same predicament as him in the past, though they had never hurt someone to the severity he had.  We still live together, and they are my family, but I cannot adopt every dog that needs a home and has no one right there to offer it or they will all be unhappy. My only comfort is that it is clear he is not healthy and that his problems are getting worse.  Once we say goodbye, he will not have to suffer another day.  He will believe he was in his "forever home" and will never see a shelter again or have to move to another home.

We will be left in the silence of his wake, and we will be left to examine the "monster" inside of us that gives us the power to make decisions that impact the animals we care for so dearly.  I know I will live with his memory for the rest of my life, and that I will always wonder if I should have done more.  Rescue work is hard.  We are told to look at the "big picture" and that dogs without aggression who are perfectly healthy are put down every day while we waste resources on dogs like Kurt, but the thing about living creatures is that they are all unique and deserving of respect.  Life and death is never something that can be taken lightly, and it is never a waste to show an animal love and to give them some happiness, especially in their darkest moments.  No matter how agonizing it is and how much of your heart it takes and turns black. It is better to show compassion.  Kurt, I will miss you for always, and I will always love you.  I am so sorry we all let you down.  At one point, you were a small puppy.  I did not know you then, but I know you deserved love, security, and a steady home.  What happened to you was not right.  I hope you had more moments of happiness than moments of sadness or frustration.                   


Thursday, November 1, 2018

The Law of Attraction Plain and Simpl

The Law of Attraction Plain and Simple: Create the Extraordinary Life That You Deserve by Sonia Ricotti
2008
Weight: 7 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


I worked at Barnes and Noble when The Secret came out, and all sorts of people were coming in and buying it.  I am always curious when books sell that fast, but the whole premise seemed kitsch.  It is many years later, and I found this little book in a lending library.  I decided to take it and some other self-help style books home just to see.  Well, color me unimpressed.  I just cannot get into it.  I hear that if I really want to know how to use the Law of Attraction in my life there are several other books I should check out, including reading the full The Secret, but I think I will just pass.

Monday, October 8, 2018

Rocket Girl

Rocket Girl: The Story of Mary Sherman Morgan by George D. Morgan
2013
Weight: 13 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


I am so glad Mary Sherman Morgan had a son named George.  She may not have been the most affectionate or "regular" mother but, it is because of him, that Mary's story is being told, and it is a pretty incredible story.  I would be very interested in seeing his screenplay about her as well.  I bet that is really good.

Mary was an incredible woman and responsible for creating hydyne, which would be the fuel America would use to launch its first satellite into space.  She was the only woman working as an "analyst" with all the engineers after the war was over.  She was an "analyst" because she had not been able to complete college once she had gone to work for the war effort and so did not have a degree.  She was a poor young woman from North Dakota.  She was trusted by her peers to take on one of the most important and impressive projects despite all of this, and she did not let her boss or the people above him down.  Then, one day, she leaves it all behind to go be a mom full-time.  Apparently, a chain-smoking, card-shuffling, disconnected mom, but a mom after all that.

That being said, I think some people will like this book for the same reason I sometimes had trouble with it.  The author took a lot of artistic license to make the book more readable and more like a story than a heavy, non-fiction read.  The dialogue is imagined by George but based on information he has collected from people who knew his mom and other research.  There were moments you so badly wanted to be true but could tell by the lack of other people there to witness those moments that you would never really know if the details were spot on.  Moments when his mom was alone and making massive, important changes in her life.  We read her as being someone who is not very loving or doting with her children.  She does not brag about herself or her work.  She seems to live a very compartmentalized life and so it is hard to know if these moments were things she shared with her family or if they were fabricated. 

Overall,  I say read it.  It is a great book and an even more great story.


Clown Girl

Clown Girl by Monica Drake
2007
Weight: 14 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


I bought this book back when I thought Chuck Palahnuik was where it was at.  I had bought and read everything he put out, and there was nothing else.  Then, I found this book where he stated that Monica Drake was a better writer than him and bought it.  As time has gone on, I have realized that I am not nearly as much of a fan of Chuck now as I was 15 years ago.  I still like unusual/bleak/shocking/dark fiction, but I think I require more from it now.  I want to know and believe in the characters, and I want to feel empathy for them even when they are down and out, dingy and gross.  The largest trouble I have is believing in the characters and, I'm sorry, but Chuck does not do his women characters much justice.

Monica is someone different entirely, but I still struggled to connect in any real way to anyone in this book.  I could hardly even imagine them or see them.  I could not get lost in Baloneytown.  I really really wanted to, but I just could not.  A full-time clown, some sadistic roommates, a dishonest and vicious clown boyfriend, and a morally astute police officer--all making a life in Baloneytown.  The clown was our main character.  She was hiding behind her costume and make-up.  She took too many herbal supplements and was slowly killing herself, but a police officer was watching and waiting to rescue her.  Eventually, she would learn how to rescue herself by slowly taking accountability for her own actions and taking off her mask.

I just could not get into it, but maybe I would have liked it in a different time, at a different point in my life.  It was definitely weird enough.  That part was not lacking!

Friday, August 31, 2018

Geography of the Heart

Geography of the Heart by Fenton Johnson
1997
Weight: 13 oz
Method of Disposal: Gave to a friend


I picked this one up at a used bookstore recently on a whim, and I am so glad I did.  It was a very moving and meaningful book about a young couple, one who was HIV positive and one that was negative, during a time when we were still lacking the information we now have now on the virus.  The author gave us what felt like a very honest and intimate look into his and his partner's lives together and, honestly, taught me something about love and mortality.  I would absolutely recommend it if you have not read it.

Monday, August 13, 2018

What Happened

What Happened by Hillary Clinton
2017
Weight: 3.4 lbs
Method of Disposal: Gave to a Friend


This book was a hard one.  It was painful to relive the 2016 election and everything that led up to it and after it, but that is what reading this book asks you to do ultimately.  I wish I had read it when I first got it instead of waiting.  Reading it just reminded me constantly of how much better the world might be today if more people voted, if Russia had not got involved, if the electoral college did not over rule the popular vote, if Comey had not ambushed Clinton, if there had not been a massive anti-Hillary campaign spanning back to the 1990's.  This woman has been drug through the mud, the shit, the vomit.  She's been wrung out and hung out, and yet she never stops fighting.  All that fight and all that experience could have led us in a very different direction that the course we are on now.  Please, God, let us make it to the next presidential election.  Don't let it be too late and please oh please don't let it be rigged.  I cannot cry or worry anymore, and I know I am not the only one. It must be impossibly hard to go from thinking you will be the first woman president of the United States to watching a sexually assaulting, exploitative, sociopath move into the White House instead.  I cannot imagine a dream dying that hard.  I am just so relieved she is doing what she does best--fighting through the shit and holding herself up as an example to all women.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Giselle's Bucket List

Giselle's Bucket List by Lauren Fern Watt
2017
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Lending library at a shelter


This ended up being my beach read in Sanibel because I had absolutely no time for reading, and this is something you can fall in and out of easily.  It reads quickly and is full of pictures of an incredible and sweet mastiff, Gizelle.  The author is a young, confused woman who is trying to figure out her place and meaning in the world--I can still relate to that, and I am just under ten years older than her!

 I am only slightly kidding.  I remember being 25 years old and being desperate for meaning and answers.  It was very frightening and it all felt so urgent.  I only made it through because of my dogs (and ultimately meeting my wife).  It is a scary age to own a pet because a lot of 25 year olds cannot afford the medical bills or know what it takes to truly commit to a dog for life, but I believe it is a time when many people would benefit from having a pet.  Lauren clearly did.

I, of course, cried when Lauren had to say goodbye to Gizelle and could absolutely empathize with her.  My heart broke.  6 years is definitely not long enough.  I am glad Gizelle had Lauren and her family and friends though.

I don't know that this book had a real trajectory.  The author tried to use the bucket list as the glue that bound it all together, but the bucket list did not really seem to be the big, powerful thing.  It seemed like she tried to fit the list into the book instead of the list driving the book.  I think, like in life, she was confused about what to do with herself, her feelings, and her grief and so she wrote a book.  I think she did a good job for where she is at in life, though it did not speak to me as much as it might have when I was younger.  I can still remember and relate. 

I also appreciated her sharing the difficulties she faces loving an addict/her mom.  That was heavy and sad and something else the author was trying to make sense of.  Her honesty in and of itself was helpful, and you could see the love shine through the sadness and frustration in her acknowledgements at the end of the book.  This book is not going to teach most people anything, including the author, but it is a sweet love letter to the dog Lauren adored so deeply and a good peek into what it feels like to be twenty something and not know what you are doing with your life, relationships, and career.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Protecting Marie

Protecting Marie by Kevin Henkes
2007
Weight: 6 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library at animal shelter


I do love good young adult books, and anyone who knows me knows that I adore dogs.  This one was okay.  It is about a young girl whose dad gives her a puppy and later he cannot handle the dog, and he gives the puppy away.  Later, he brings her home a well-trained adult dog who she promptly falls in love with but constantly worries about losing. The father is an artist with a complicated and moody personality, and the mother seems like a very caring and patient woman.  The young girl is growing up and confused by the world around her.  She is a sweet kid who is eager to please and to understand.  I appreciated that the book felt honest and that it did not shy away from difficult occurrences that happen in life just because I kid might read it and realize the world is hard and not always fair.  That very important people in our lives can be selfish and disappoint us a lot, but we can still love them.  I do not have to forgive him though.  Her dad is a jerk!  ;)  The most valuable lesson of all, of course, is that adopting older dogs is the way to go.  They are awesome!

Right Stuff, Wrong Sex

Right Stuff, Wrong Sex: America's First Women in Space Program by Margaret A. Weitekamp
2005
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


This book was great.  The writing style was straight forward and factual so if you are not into history books this one will likely be a challenge for you, but the information inside of it is so important and so interesting.  How has NASA managed to exist my whole lifetime without me ever hearing about so many amazing women?  I keep having this moment.  Watching Hidden Figures, reading this book, reading Rocket Girl.  I had no idea.  I was enthralled with each woman described within this book.  I would get excited and try to remember every name and new detail so that I could share it later, but there was so much that I did not know, and I struggled to keep it all in my mind and accessible.  I think this is a great starting point to a lot more reading!

In other news, the old NASA joke that if women are ever allowed in space it will be because men have been approved to have 120 lbs of recreational equipment....not cool.  In another book I am reading currently (What Happened), Hillary Clinton talks about writing to NASA as a little girl.  She wrote to them to say that she wanted to be an astronaut.  They wrote her back that they do not have girl astronauts.  Who does that?  Even if it was true.  Crushes a kid's dreams like that.  I guess they were just trying to be honest, but come on NASA.  You have disappointed me in so many ways, but I am determined to love you.  The good news is that I bought this book in a NASA store at Cape Canaveral so I give them that.  They were not trying to hide this discouraging history.  Times truly have changed.

I have been reading about amazing and intelligent women who work so hard and are incredibly brilliant.  They have dedicated their whole lives to what they find inspiring and important and never end up achieving their ultimate goals.  I cannot help but think about how overwhelming the disappointment must have been when Jerrie Cobb realized she would never go to space.  The moment when Hillary realized she lost the chance to be the first woman President of the United States of America...and to a heartless buffoon that sexually assaults women.  I cannot think of anything more unfair, really.  To work so hard and watch the bull in a china shop trample his way through and to the top.  I think of Jill Tarter looking for extraterrestrial life and retiring with no proof that there is life out there.  It is so frustrating and, at first look, makes me sad.  Then, I think about all the amazing achievements these women did reach in their lifetimes and all of the people they influenced and touched--including someone who will become president, women astronauts that have been or are on their way to space, and the person that finally discovers and proves the existence of extraterrestrial life.  I think of all the people who are inspired by these women and make their way in other arenas with them in their thoughts.  I guess the cliche is true.  It is much more about the journey than the destination.  I hope that at some point I am able to look back on my life and feel that I used my passion to achieve something.  Of course, if I were really really lucky, I might look back and see that I achieved THE life goal.  I could be a Valentina Tereshkova and make it to space.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

A Dog's Purpose

A Dog's Purpose: A Novel for Humans by W. Bruce Cameron
2011
Weight: 10.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library at animal shelter


I read this late at night when my wife was asleep, and I bawled my eyes out, heaving, and whimpering without waking her up at least two, possibly three, times.  The book was much like a Hallmark movie with a story line guaranteed to be an emotional roller coaster for anyone with a heart, but there is no particular depth and the story is not really a surprise.  Everything is expected.  I read it while also going through vet visits with our older dog who we lost the night after I finished this book.  That really upped the ante for me and made it to where I could not blog about this book for a minute afterwards.

This is not a book I am likely to recommend because it was kind of like television for me.  I enjoyed it, and it captured my interest, but it is not something that will change my life or that made me connect on any deep, human level.  It was not outstanding as a work of art.  All that being said, I would not discourage anyone from reading it either.  It WAS entertaining, and it did make me feel things.  If you want to read a story about a loyal and "good" dog and his relationship to people from his own perspective then why not?  Pick it up.  See what you think.

Monday, May 28, 2018

A Colony in a Nation

A Colony in a Nation by Chris Hayes
2018
Weight: 8 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


This book was accessible and could likely be read and understood by a variety of people.  The author is willing to turn the camera on himself at times to examine his own privilege, but he does not focus in on himself to the extent that it becomes superficial and nauseating.  He ties in his experiences growing up in New York in the 80's, his reporting from Ferguson after the shooting of Michael Brown, American colonialism, and information and insight about race relations in America spanning at least 3 decades.

He posits that there are two Americas that exist at the same time--one America experienced by "The Nation" and one America experienced by "The Colony."

He writes, "If you live in the Nation, the criminal justice system functions like your laptop’s operating system, quietly humming in the background, doing what it needs to do to allow you to be your most efficient, functional self. In the Colony, the system functions like a computer virus: it intrudes constantly, interrupts your life at the most inconvenient times, and it does this as a matter of course. The disruption itself is normal.

In the Nation, there is law; in the Colony, there is only a concern with order. In the Nation, you have rights;in the Colony, you have commands.  In the Nation, you are innocent until proven guilty; in the Colony, you are born guilty" (pp. 37 and 38)


Later, he writes, " So what would it mean if the Nation and the Colony were joined, if the borders erased, and the humanity--the full, outrageous, maddening humanity--of every single human citizen were recognized and embodied in our society? Or even just to start, our policing?

I want to think it would be nothing but a net benefit for us all.  For so long one of the great tools of white supremacy has been telling white people that there's a fixed pie, and whatever black people get, they lose.  As a matter of first principles, I reject that" (p.213).

He brings up the Brock Turner case from Stanford University and how the rapist was given a small sentence due to his background and potential.  He discusses our instinct to "level down" rather than to"level up."  We want Brock Turner to be treated like those in the Colony.  We want revenge.  Instead of wanting those in the Colony to be treated as well as Brock Turner was.  He was right for me in that the name Brock Turner fills me with such rage, and I would love to see the wealthy, white, sociopath suffer in jail for far longer than 6 months.  I understand Hayes point though.  Getting revenge on Turner will not change anything in our criminal justice system with its systematic racism and tough on crime mentality.  

Overall, the book was thought-provoking and told in a way that I hope many people will be able to hear.  I would recommend it to others, especially others who have not read many or any books on race relations in America or on racism within our justice system.

Don't Erase Me

Don't Erase Me by Carolyn Ferrell
1997
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving in a Lending Library


This book was heavy with pain and suffering.  Getting through it was like slogging through a giant mud pit at times.  It was exhausting.  The author forced your eyes open and onward each step of the way.  You would see these teenagers where they were at, whether you wanted to or not.  AIDS, rape, incest, poverty, pregnancy, identity all curled together and also standing on their own and separate.  Being young black and gay, being young poor black and female, being hopeful, trying to see a way out--even in a 14 year old boy who you will call "husband" or "father." The lives of these characters were difficult to imagine and, yet, the author keeps on, brazen and unfaltering.  This book was not bad or poorly written, but I was glad when it was over.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Silent Night

Silent Night: The Story of the World War I Christmas Truce by Stanley Weintraub
2002
Weight: 6.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


This was an interesting and unbelievable story from World War I that I've heard about a handful of times, but I never really understood.  This book definitely cleared up any questions I had, but I did feel like there came a point where I wondered when the book would end and how it was possible the author had so much to say about one single day.  It might have been a better magazine article--at least for me as a reader--though I appreciated all the research and hard work the author put into it.  I loved the pictures, cartoons, and first-hand accounts.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Genie

Genie: A Scientific Tragedy by Russ Rymer
1994
Weight: 7 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


This book was depressing on so many different levels.  This poor girl (now woman) seems to have spent her whole life being used for someone else's greater good.  At some point the scientists in this book were no longer able to be in contact with Genie, and the author was not, so maybe things started to improve for her, but it did not sound like it.  It seemed like her future would be very bleak indeed. 

How this poor child could be pulled from one of the worst abusive situations the world had seen and then end up abused in her foster placements is beyond me.  There was so much media attention and, even with the world watching, they could not keep her safe.  It is devastating and just shows the world for what it is.  Somewhere there is some person who has experienced such little joy in their lives.  They have been to hell and back and hell and back and hell again.  Their life is unrelenting, and it has nothing to do with who they are or the choices they made.  At that same time there are countless other people growing up at the same time with all the opportunities and all the joy and also not always based on their choices--though they have likely been lucky enough to make a ton more decisions and have been faced with many more choices than Genie ever got the chance to.

If you are looking for hope, redemption, someone beating the odds, people doing the right things for the right reasons, then do not look here.  This book is not that.  This is not to say that there weren't people who loved Genie or helped her.  There were but, ultimately, as a whole, it would seem that she was failed terribly.

Monday, May 7, 2018

The Body Parts Shop: Stories

The Body Parts Shop: Stories by Lynda Schor
2005
Weight: 6.6 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating



So...holy shit...I do not think I can put this is the tiny neighborhood lending library with the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Henke's young adult books about dogs, and every day housewive's mystery/romance novels.  I read the first two stories, and I thought, "this person is a genius."  I loved how the stories were arranged.  Fictional facts, real facts, blurbs, one story streaming through it all.  She was blunt, direct, and had some seriously beautiful sentences.  The third story, "Coming of Age," I thought, "what is this all about?  She's losing me, but I still appreciate how different she is from everyone else I have read recently."

As the stories went on the overt obsession with sex, penises, cum, rape, force, and violence actually started to wear on me a lot.  This is highly unusual because I like sex more than the average bear, and I like to be disturbed when reading fiction.  I also find myself writing stories with their own assortment of shocking scenes, but in this collection it just got to be too much.  It started to feel like the art was too reliant on the shock value.  It started to drag on and on. 

There were still moments where I was almost re-captivated, but the stories would always lose me before they ended.  There were stories I thought would be fantastic with a little more editing.  I think Lynda has what it takes, but I think she needs a little more polish.  Or, it was just not my cup of tea and it might be yours.  The title is perfect.  I love the drawings and diagrams.  It was risky.  It was fun.  It was also gross.  It was also sticky, thick, awkward, and sickening like a man ejaculating in your hair when you thought he was aiming for your mouth because he has an obsession with hair--yeah, that is one of the scenes you will find in this book, but the woman finds it exciting.  I am not that woman.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Timequake

Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut
1998
Weight: 8.8 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


Okay.  After my previous post ranting and raving about how truly awesome and amazing and easy to read Kurt Vonnegut is and has always been, I read Timequake.  Soooooo.....not so great.  There were still many witty Vonnegut moments, snippets that made me laugh out loud, and, yes, even things I might consider tattooing on my body but, overall, not so great. 

Also, after recently talking about some of the delightful feminism I found in a couple of his other books, I was not feeling it so much in this one.  Not that he was overwhelmingly kind to men or women.  I was about done with all the penis jokes and imagery about halfway through the book.  While he is known for being blunt and fun and, so I do not fault him for this or think he does not have every right to do so, I was going to vomit if I had to hear anymore about anyone ejaculating in someone's birth canal--particularly in the instance of rape, which was clearly described as such but never called rape. 

I guess my advice to you is that you should read this if you love Vonnegut and are not too squeamish or "square" as they say, but it is absolutely not the first Vonnegut book I would recommend you pick up.

Sunday, April 29, 2018

The Sirens of Titan

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut
1998
Weight: 9.6 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library



Did I mention I love Kurt Vonnegut?  He nailed it every single time.  I love the way he thought and makes us think.  Timeless can sound trite but, in his case, it is just the truth.  I am grateful,all the time, that he was so prolific.  This book includes a large mastiff, space travel, and a drum roll that sounds like,

"Rented a tent, a tent, a tent;
Rented a tent, a tent
Rented a tent!
Rented a tent!
Rented a , rented a tent!"

I suggest you read it and everything else Vonnegut wrote.


Sunday, April 22, 2018

Rosa Lee

Rosa Lee: A Mother and Her Family in Urban America by Leon Dash
1996
Weight: 8.8 oz
Method of Disposal: Give back to mom or lending library


This book was brutal.  It was a window into a world I can clearly see I have no known experience with, and it was hard to face.  The very idea that a mother would feel like she had to sell her own child and that she felt the child had been able to consent in any way is truly shocking to me and what is more shocking is that you cannot just villainize that mother and neatly put her away in a box labeled "terrible."  There is so much more to Rosa's story--good and bad. Rosa Lee's family is so influenced by institutionalized racism that is impossible to even imagine what would have happened to them in a different society or place.

I understand the fear that some people have that this book makes black people look bad, but I definitely disagree.  It is very clear that it does not represent all black people or all poor black people and, if you were ignorant enough to think it truly did, the author clearly writes that it is a thorough case study on just one family and explains why he thinks it is important.  Still, I know that there are many people who would read this story as evidence for whatever they already believe and that is always scary. 

The author writes, "I recognize that there are many ways to look at Rosa Lee.  There is something of her life to confirm any political viewpoint--liberal, moderate, or conservative.  Some may see her as a victim of hopeless circumstances, a woman born to a life of deprivation because of America's long history of discrimination and racism.  Others may give her the benefit of the doubt in some cases but hold her personally accountable for much of what she did to herself, her children, and her grandchildren.  A third group might say that Rosa Lee is a thief, a drug addict, a failed parent, a broken woman paying for her sins, and a woman who seemingly was so set on placing her children on the path to failure that it is amazing that even two of them manage to live conventional lives" (p. 251).

No matter how the reader feels about whether it should have been written or not, there is one thing we should all be able to agree on.  It is heartbreaking from beginning to end.  The destruction the drugs wreaked on this family and this community is unbelievable and frightening.  The individual understanding, accountability, and expectations each hiv-infected person had about their illness, their future, and the future of others around them was eye-opening. 

I could not help but think about myself now aged 32 and Patty Cunningham, Rosa Lee's daughter, being in her thirties in the book and completely addicted to heroine.  Unable to get through a single day without the drug, despite the danger she was in, without jail time.  The sexual abuse she suffered again and again.  We know what happens to Bobby and to Rosa.  I don't know if I want to know, but I cannot help but wonder what happens to Patty and Junior.  I also wonder about the others, of course, about Alvin, Eric, Ducky,Richard, Ronnie, hell, even Mr. Dash.  This appears to be Patty: http://www.tributes.com/obituary/show/Donna-D.-Wright-86154465.  What did she do until 2009?  I suppose it is none of my business, but I am grateful to the author for taking the time and for Rosa and participating family members for sharing their secrets and their lives.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Cherry

Cherry by Mary Karr
2000
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


Coming of Age stories, like the previously written about coming out story, are hard because they are done by so many people in so many different ways.  It can feel like you have read them over and over again.  The time this is written is also important for context.  18 years ago. 

I was enjoying it but not overly blown away by it.  I totally appreciated the young narrator reveling in her sexual power, but I felt like I was watching her fall into low self-esteem, drugs, bad situations with little consequence and not a lot of insight into the reasons she was spiraling out.  We did get the impression that it was due to her parents not being overly concerned with her life, though they were there for her in very important and big ways when it counted.  Her dad is painted as having some anger issues, and her mom does at one point attempt to kill herself with both daughters begging her not to.

 It was not until the author, or maybe it was the letter at the front, someone anyway, pointed out that it was a sexual coming of age story written from a girl's perspective that I felt that old familiar rallying cry of pro-sex feminism rise up within me.  I had forgotten that we have for so long not been able to read young girl characters as sexual agents in their own story.  That we've had coming of ages stories for boys out the wazoo but not for girls.  So, I can respect it for that.  I don't know when life started ti improve enough that I forgot that, but I remember being a young girl now and hating Holden Caulfield and feeling like I could not relate to any coming of age story ever written.  Given, as a super lesbian teen, I probably would not have related so much to this one either, but I can appreciate it's importance.  I was busting with sexuality back then, but it was in a very different way, I think.

One complaint I did have was that I did not feel like there was a real ending, and I felt like the writing there was kind of rushed.  I wished for something more, but I am not sure what it was.  There was just this hippie, drug-induced, whatever whatever that ended in jail and then Mary's mom came to the rescue in a way that still made Mary feel angry and isolated.  I guess with it being a memoir, maybe that is just real life?  I don't know.

Prayer Warriors

Prayer Warriors: The True Story of a Gay Son, his Fundamentalist Christian Family, and their Battle for his Soul by Stuart Howell Miller
2000
Weight: 8.8 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


This book was an easy and quick read though, of course, it is never "easy" to stomach the homophobia and cruelty put forth by someone's family to their own son.  It was easy only in that it was very conversational, was made up of basic language, was fairly short.  The author would randomly throw out a joke with his audience that would pull me out of the story very suddenly, and I would actually say out loud, "what?" and then reread the sentence to be sure it was there.  These little snippets were usually overtly "gay" and felt unnecessary. Of course, Stuart's family often came out with the more seriously off the wall shit.  Here is an exchange where both of them do from page 144:

"Troy retold the story of how an electric fence nearly killed my sister when she was a child and then said, "The lifestyle you have chosen is more dangerous than death by electric shocking.  God loves you Stuart.  Please do not spit in his face with this homosexual lifestyle you have chosen for yourself.' 

I immediately ran outside and searched for a pretty girl to marry, but the closest I could find in West Hollywood was a drunken, gravel-voiced drag queen. 'I don't want to marry,' she said, 'I like my freedom.'"

What?

The author was clearly very involved in the L.A. Community and has a very impressive resume.  I had hoped that would make it easier to find out how he was doing 18 years later.  I do not really need another book, though this one was a basically good read, but I would love an article about if his family ever came around, and/or if he managed to hold up okay. 

I also think this book would have been more powerful to me had I read it when it was first published.  So much has changed since then--not to say these things still do not happen--because they do, but I had less access to information and community then.  A lot of us did.  I was more isolated, though I was not completely alone like some folks in generations before me, and I would have held this account more closely.  At 32, I have read many many stories about white, gay men struggling with conservative christian families.  I have also, of course, read many more violent coming out stories.  Maybe that is the larger thing here, I have read and heard thousands of coming out stories and, while I know they are important, I am not as keen on seeking them out and reading them as I use to be.  Any who, I wish the best for Stuart, and I appreciate him sharing his story.  I think that, in the right hands, it could be a much more powerful book. 


The Moon

The Moon by Maryam Sachs
1998
Weight: 1.4 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


No matter how badly I want to go, I will never go to space and so I dream of the moon.  I am sure that, if it was a more serious possibility, I might choose somewhere else in the solar system to travel to or maybe I would just orbit around earth and view everything I know from a distance.  It   will never happen.  I am not on track to be rich, but I am on track to be an overweight 33 year old woman who dreams. 

I guess the moon makes logical sense as a place many people dream to go when they dream of space.  We have all the imagery from NASA of the first man walking on the moon and the excitement the country felt watching him.  We have yet to put a person on Mars or any other planet and so the moon is, at least somewhat, attainable.  It will be for the wealthy soon enough anyway. 

If you can put down an $80,000 deposit and ultimately pay $9.5 million for a vacation, you may be able to be one of the first guests in the Aurora Station Space Hotel in 2022.  Your vacation will be 12 days and the hotel will orbit the Earth (not land on the moon).  That is so unattainable to me it might as well not exist. and I jealously dread seeing the guest list when it is announced.  I already feel the unfairness of it all weighing down on me (thank you gravity!).

This book includes various photos of the moon, poems about the moon, facts, thoughts throughout history, etc.  It is fun, though if there could have been an even larger budget (I assume), it would have been even better to have it be a larger book with more high definition photos.  This book has some fairly grainy small ones.  It feels like a moon smorgasbord.  Nothing flows.  It is just all there on the pages.  It is fun, but it is simple.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Flush

Flush by Virginia Woolf
1976
Weight: 10.4 oz
Method of Disposal: Leave in Lending Library


I love Virginia Woolf, and I love dogs so imagine my delight when I found this book after having read almost all the other Woolf books.  It felt like an impossibly wonderful discovery.  How had I never heard of it?  I got so excited that I bought it, took it home, put it on the book shelf, and then did not read it for years.  Why?  I have no idea.

I finally read it, and I found it to be sad, realistic, enjoyable.  It is not the best Woolf, but it brings to light some more of her quirk and point of view.  I wish all the classic authors had written a book from a dog's point of view so we could compare and contrast them all and explore the author's personalities through the text.  What fun would that be?  Anyway, this was fun, and I am passing it on in hopes someone else is delighted by its very existence.

Affairs of the Heart

Affairs of the Heart: Men and Women Reveal the Truth about Extramarital Affairs
Interviews by Virginia Lee
1993
Weight:8.8 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving in a lending library


I got this book for the "special value" of $1.00--the sale sticker seems to say it was in Spring of 2005.  At that time I was very pro-polyamory and distrusted marriage, despite being a serial monogamist most of the time.  I still feel strongly that polyamory can be a great thing for many people, but I am obviously not at all anti-marriage.  I am quite happily married and, if I ever think of the end of my marriage, it is to worry about the horror of one of us passing away before the other.  This happens when I talk to my neighbor whose wife died 18 months ago or if I watch a sad movie.

This book really just feels like an anthology of people proclaiming that polyamory is better or more natural than monogamy, with just a few exceptions, and less like a genuine look at a random sample of people who had affairs.  The interviewer asks some very leading questions.  On page 153, "So many women do not feel whole unless they are with a man and will tolerate incredible abuse just for that security.  Them if they fail in such a relationship, they think there is something wrong with them.  Would you say that this is why you meet so many unhappy women?"On page 85, "When did you begin to feel that marriage was not the fairy tale you had been raised to believe in?"  On page 151, "It all comes down to forgiveness, which often reduces the 'unfaithful' one to the status of a whimpering puppy.  Don't you think that it creates more anger, resentment, and humiliation--especially if the person who had the affair doesn't feel that there was anything wrong with what he or she did?" pg 150, "Some people believe that having an affair can be a healthy thing, it can revive a relationship that has gotten stuck in its patterns, or it can fulfill one partner whose needs haven't been met.  Often loving a new person can open the door and let the light in.  An affair can rekindle some joy, spontaneity, and passion in life.  An often, there's more energy to take home to the other partner, if he or she can be open enough to accept it.  Do you think such a scenario is possible?"

I guess I was hoping that this would just be a random sample of people who all had different or unique stories or just different thoughts about their stories.  I felt like this was promotional material for affairs at worst and just annoying at best.  The interviewees took little to no responsibility for their own actions, frequently whining about and blaming their spouses.  I found most of them to be obnoxious and unpleasant.  Consent.  Consent makes all the difference always.  Polyamory is good when all parties have respect for each other, have open communication, and consent.  An affair by default has none of those things.

Don't get me wrong.  I think there are good people that have affairs for a variety of complicated reasons.  I just do not think this book really gave voice to that or helped anyone have a more clear understanding of that.  I just think there was too much bias.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void

Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void  by Mary Roach
2011
Weight: 9 oz
Method of Disposal: Returning to rightful owner (borrowed 4-5 years ago or so....I know...I am terrible)


I love all things space and thought this book was a lot of fun.  I have often dreamed about what it would be like to have the opportunity to board a space shuttle and leave Earth behind.  I have thought that I would do it even if I knew I would not make it back.  I have thought about how I would be pleased for my ashes after death to be shot up there, which is only a little weird because, otherwise, I do not care at all what happens to my dead body.  I've dreamed many many dreams about it and none of them included the oddities in this little book.

It was fun and disturbing to think about all the tiny details of astronaut life.  Roach covers bodily fluids, eating, human nature, fungal growth, relationships, sickness, and all the little things you likely do not want to experience in space, but you endure for the ultimate exploration experience.  There were times where she had me laughing out loud and times where she was just flat out uncouth, but the overall book was insightful and fun. 

I did not love hearing about animals in space, as it breaks my heart every time, but I am always glad to know all I can know about the history of space travel and that includes the poor dogs and chimps that were sent without their consent into the unknown. 

I know that not everyone is impressed with Mary Roach and her popular science books, but I think they are a great way to dip into worlds a lot of us do not know much about.  I like her upbeat writing and chipper personality.  I may not laugh at all her jokes, but she always gets me with a few of them.  Also, space is exciting whether you like the author or not so why not?  I think it is worth the read!

Sunday, March 4, 2018

The Real Thing

The Real Thing by Tom Stoppard
1982
Weight: 3 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating


I was delighted to find another play by Stoppard while unpacking.  I am not as impressed with it as I am with his others, though I know I would have loved it in college and, from reading other reviews, I am the only one who isn't.  At that time I was fascinated by infidelity, love or the lack thereof, the other woman, sexual prowess, and divorce statistics.  I would have been underlining everything and making notes--like the reader before me.  This time, I just left feeling a little sad, a little unimpressed, and wondering if there are many male author's that can write about women in a way that feels honest to me.  I remember my creative writing teacher telling us not to piss on our own characters but, so often, when I read some of the "best" books ever written it feels like all the women are drenched in a non-consensual golden shower.  Stoppard's women are,at least, smart.  At moments, it just seems like they are only there so that men can bounce words off them and pontificate about their own life.

Monday, February 26, 2018

Max and Helen

Max and Helen: A Remarkable True Love Story
1982
Weight: 12.8 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating



I guess it will be no surprise that this is a challenging and painful telling of the experiences of a couple and those around them in the concentration camps of WWII, as well as a glimpse of their lives before the war and even more of their lives after the war ended.  You can never know what you or would or would not do in situations like these without having lived them, but it absolutely broke my heart into a thousand pieces to hear that Max could not ever see Helen again after he found her, miraculously alive, twenty years after the WWII ended.  He went to her once and realized she had a son whose father was the SS guard that tormented them throughout their time in the camp.  She had been repeatedly raped, and she had somehow showed the courage, strength, and love to raise her son alone to be a kind, compassionate, and passionate young man.  Max, on the other hand, could not look at the boy and so decided to leave them both.  He loved her quietly, from afar, and was never willing to see her again.  I could not imagine her pain.  She carried so much alone and the one man that loved her for her entire life was not able and willing to accept her son and live out the remainder of their lives together.  It just seemed an unnecessary blow after all the terrible cruelty she had experienced in this life. 

Then, there was the agony of the author and "nazi-hunter," Simon Wiesenthal, not being able to pursue and seek justice with the SS guard because it would expose Helen's son to an unthinkable truth and Helen to public scrutiny.  On top of that was the mental prison that Max lived in long after he escaped the confines of the Nazis.  It would seem all unbearable, except that somehow Helen and Max and so many others found a way to bear it, heavily.

Small Sacrifices

Small Sacrifices by Ann Rule
1988
Weight: 8 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating


I was working at Waldenbooks in early 2000 when a woman came in to the store proclaiming desperately that this book was her life and that I had to read it to understand her.  I had never met her before, but she pressed a copy of the book into my hands and then bought a copy for her attorney.  She was incredibly emotional and high-strung. 

I bought the book without paying much attention to it.  I was curious, but I was uncomfortable because I knew that Ann Rule was THE true crime author of the time.  I got home and saw the book was about a woman who tried to murder her children, successfully killing one.  I was a teenager.  I was not so sure I should have bought the book.  I hoped that the woman was just a little insane and mostly just a liar.  I put the book away and every time I picked it up I would just put it right back away.  I wondered who the woman thought she was.  The murderer, the child, the prosecution--couldn't be--she said she had an attorney.  Was she just attention-seeking?  I will never know. 

I finally read it this year.  We just moved into a new house, and we have less space even though we like this house better than the last.  We are purging a lot.  I am, of course, still trying to read and let go of all of these books.  There are still SO many.  I knew I wanted to let this one go because of my feelings about true crime and because of all the thoughts it brought up every time I came across it.


Saturday, January 27, 2018

Bipolar #1

Bipolar #1 by Tomar Hanuka, Asaf Hanuka, Etgar Keret
2000
Weight: 5 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating


Three very short comics.  They were interesting and sad.  This is the second book I have re-read today that somehow included Kurt Cobain, quite by coincidence.  I would be interested in experiencing books 2, 3, and 4.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

The Story of Jane

The Story of Jane: The Legendary Underground Feminist Abortion Service by Laura Kaplan
1996
Weight: 1.4 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


This was a great book.  I want everyone to read it.  This group was started in 1969, and the brave and passionate women who organized and ran it are true heroines.  I remember reading this as a teenager and feeling tremendously inspired.  I took it with me to college, and I have told the story of Jane to many many people since.  I thought about them at every March For Women's Lives, every time we stood outside the abortion clinic trying to block the pro-life protesters from harassing the women walking in, every time I turned on the news and heard some new twist or turn in the great abortion debate.

They set up an underground abortion referral group without the internet or computers.  News of Jane was spread by word of mouth, and it was in the phone book under Jane.  They performed over 11, 000 abortions in the 4 years they operated until Roe V. Wade.  They provided counseling and would do the abortions for around $100, though they would work with women who could not afford the fee.  They attempted to check in on the women after they returned home and the women's mental and physical health were of utmost importance.  No patient was ever arrested, but 7 of the women working within the organization were.

This book is written by one of the members in the group and offers a lot of insight into the illegal activities of a very important and life-changing organization that saved the lives of countless women in Illinois.  Did I mention it is amazing?   It is not only the story, though that would be enough.  The writing keeps you turning pages too.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Pet Food Nation

Pet Food Nation: The Smart, Easy, and Healthy Way to Feed Your Pet Now by Joan Weiskopf
2007
Weight: 8 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating


This is an accessible, easy-to-read book exposing the truth about the pet food industry, and there is a lot to be ashamed of.  It is not the Bible of animal health, but it will get someone started thinking about what their pets are eating.  It is written so that you do not have to be a dog enthusiast to read it, though it would be a challenge to get someone else to pick it up.  The author sure tries, and I appreciate that.  I have seen other reviewers state that some of the information is inaccurate but, overall, I think it is a useful and good book to have a look through.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything

The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything by Linda Williams
1986
Weight: 6 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library


I remember reading this book as a child with my then best friend.  We would read it over and over during Halloween, and we enjoyed it.  It seems a little scary to me now as an adult thinking about a child, but I clearly handled it well as an actual child and isn't that what the book is really all about?  Taking your fear and transforming it?

The Camera My Mother Gave Me

The Camera My Mother Gave Me by Susanna Kaysen
2001
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating


I was a big Angelina Jolie fan when I was a teenager, and I had been battling my fair share of depression, so when Girl, Interrupted came out as a movie I was excited.  I also loved Winona Ryder.  From the movie, I went to the book and read it.  I was reading a lot of Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, and Elizabeth Wurtzel then.  I was also reading The Vagina Monologues, The Clitoral Truth, Clit Notes, The V Book,  and Cunt.  From there, I stumbled upon this book which seemed to be about Susanna Kaysen and Vaginas! I purchased it, and I read it, but I did not like it as a teenager.  

I was going to pass it on without reading it again, but I vaguely remembered being introduced to some kind of new disease or disorder.  I decided to give it another go, and I thought it was much better this time around, though I can see why I was frustrated back then.  I did not think it was genius even now.  It echoed Girl, Interrupted in its self-obsessed way, though how do you write a book like this without sounding that way?  I guess I am not sure.  

It seems like people who have vulvadynia are the biggest fans.  I have many a review thanking Susanna for making them feel less alone and that, alone, makes it a worthwhile book for reading.  I thought it was good for medical professionals to see what it might feel like to be a patient in that situations.  Though, it seems like the woman who was kindest to her and might have had something to offer at the biofeedback center was one of the "hated" medical professionals.  I thought she seemed great, but Susanna did not.  Of course, after all the sexual assault offered up by her boyfriend over the year she was trying to figure out her vagina, the resemblance of the building to the mental institution she spent 2 years of her life in, and the pain she experienced daily, I suppose she was allowed to be a little cranky.  

The boyfriend.  I hope he read this and wept.  He was terrible and all the times he pressured her into having sex, did not go to the doctor with her, tried to force her to use things like the Novocaine that she kept telling him hurt her worse than if she had sex without it made me so angry.  Susanna still seemed to be grappling with why it felt like rape, though she was scared to label it anything like that.  She likely knew what all women know--that the public would tear her to shreds.  I won't label anything for her, but what he did to her was wrong and it was painful.  He needs to know that.  Any man or woman in a similar position needs to know that.  If it not consent if she does not want to say yes.


Monday, January 22, 2018

, said the shotgun to the head.

, said the shotgun to the head. by Saul Williams
2003
Weight: 8.5 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating


The look and design of this book is great.  I love that the poem has become an art form in looks and in words.  I loved this book for a long time, wooed by its good lucks.

Re-reading it now, I am less impressed.  In so many words, the book is about God being a woman and about a man being intimate with God.  I bet it makes a lot of Christians angry, which is no skin off my neck.  I just find it to be so particularly man-centric despite all the talk about SHE.  One reveiwer calls it feminsit babble.  I cannot imagine anything further from it.  As there always has been and seemingly always will be, woman is something to be ejaculated on and in even as a deity.  The penis is a gun, a weapon, a spreader of destruction.



Only a man would think of so many ways to fuck, fill up, and wallow around in God if there were one.  At once God is a woman and then later he is fucking God's wife.  I get it.  You have a powerful penis, an obsessive personality, a tendency to dream and ramble, and you feel important and disappointing all at once.  Women are better than you and pissing on them is the only way you feel like you can get close to their holiness. 

All in all, I still think it is a good poem, and the books design is great.  His subject matter is not my cup of tea, but it may be yours.  

Madonna Nudes 1979

Madonna Nudes 1979 by Martin Hugo Maximilian Screiber
1990
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Giving Away


Another adult book!  What do I do with them all?  It is easier to love them and keep them, but I am committed to this, and I know there must be other folks out there that would love these books.  There are also people out there who would see these pictures and likely not make the connection to the fact that they are off Madonna.  The world is a-changing.

I want to make a lending library for adult books with a combination lock so the little kids cannot get in.  How would I go about this I wonder?  People will likely get mad if they find out about it and don't love it.


The Clitoral Truth

The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips by Rebecca Chalker
2000
Weight: 1.2 lbs
Method of Disposal: Giving Away


It was the time of vagina books and clitoral love, and it was wonderful.  I was a sex-obsessed teenager, which seems gross now, but was SO awesome then.  I soaked it all up, and I think that it is because of books like these, lesbianism, and good parenting on my mother's part that I grew up with a healthy, adventurous, and fairly safe outlook about sex.

This book taught me that, not only does female ejaculation exist, but it is fun and exciting.  Nothing to worry about and many people really relish the possibilities.  I learned that men and women were not born all that different, and later it was not at all challenging to understand that not just gender but sex could be fluid.


I found out about On Our Backs and was able to enjoy it for several years before it stopped being made.  I learned about how important the clitoris is.  I was having sex before I got my hands on all these vagina books, but I truly believe the sex must have improved dramatically with the more I learned. 

It is hard to know what to do with these wonderful books.  I want them to go to good use, but I am not always sure how to get them into the right hands.