Frommer's The Carolina's and Georgia

 Frommer's The Carolina's and Georgia
2007
Weight: 1.1 lbs
Method of Disposal: Recycling

This is being recycled because it is a now dated travel guide to two beautiful states, one of which I have lived in my whole life and the other one a place I have visited often.  There is still so much I am eager to see, but I have so many other (lighter and more current) sources of information when I want to venture out into the world.  

As of now, some of my recommendations of things to see/do in Georgia are:

Black Rock Mountain

Panther's Creek

Amicalola Falls

Tallulah Gorge

Gibbs Garden

6 Feet Under

Kimball House

Garden Lights, Holiday Nights at the Botanical Garden

Center for Civil and Human Rights

Krog Street Tunnel

Find the Tiny Doors!

Charis: Feminist Bookstore

Videodrome

Regal Tara Cinemas

The Cartersville Abandoned Plane

Sister Louisa's Church of the Living Room and Ping Pong Emporium

Joystick Gamebar

PAWS Atlanta

Columbus, GA Riverwalk

Classics Donation

 The Awakening by Kate Chopin
Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
2 x Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard
Weight: 1.5 lb
Method of Disposal: Donated

The time has come for another big push to release books.  This always means giving up some classics I have multiples of.  The only shocking thing is that there are any left after the last couple moves.  I love all of these books, and I hope they are rehomed with people who find them equally important and meaningful.

We will soon be buying a home and, while it may be far too early to be packing up this home, that is not something that would stop us.  Also, who knows what the future might bring and when?  Clearly.

The Testaments

 The Testaments by Margaret Atwood
2019
Weight: 1.7 lbs
Method of Disposal: Donating

It would be a real challenge to write a book that would always be held up next to The Handmaid's Tale, an unexpected sequel to a book that was so powerful on its on.  So, I understand those that are disappointed or expected something else, but I also understand those that loved it.  I thought it stood well on its own, which was a relief after having read the book several times but many years ago and having recently watched the tv series.  I was afraid I would be utterly confused if I did not re-read the first book, but I was fine.  

It was interesting to switch perspectives.  It is not that I did not miss Offred.  I really did.  It was still a unique experience to be in the mind of an Aunt, amongst others.  The only thing I was not keen on was the ending, but I cannot really talk about that here, can I?

The Moth Presents Occasional Magic

 The Moth Presents Occasional Magic: True Stories About Defying the Impossible Edited by Catherine Burns
2019
Weight: 1.05 lbs
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

I accidentally picked up the first Moth book while in Santa Rosa, Florida at a wonderful little bookstore called Sundog Books.  I have no idea what drew me to it, but I picked it up last minute while waiting in line for the register.  I was buying an absurd amount of greeting cards, as usual, and a few books.  There were a lot of people in there, and the downtown Square was much more popular and populated than I had ever remembered seeing it.  The small city had really grown in the years I had been away.  It is hard to imagine all the things we did on that trip now.  Covid would have changed everything, as it has done this year.  I am so glad we already had so many of the times we've had.  I know the present and future have so much to offer also, but it is not terrible to reflect on the past.

Moth has these incredible, sometimes unbelievable, personal stories, like the piece by a teenager about her experience saving a shooting victim.  She used skills she learned from Umedics, a black grassroots group that teaches people how to medically respond in emergency situations.  Not only does she save him, as a child, but then she goes on to help get his family trained to also respond in similar situations.  Those kind of stories make you wonder about your own mettle.

There was another story about a young, gay man, growing up in a homophobic landscape, trying to find himself.  Trying to win over and then ultimately deciding to emulate a young man he had been seeing in the bar only to find out much later that the man he had been hyping up was Jeffrey Fucking Dahmer.

There are also stories about what one woman wore to her divorce, what it was like to meet President Obama while working for his team, an adult son finding a relationship with his dad, and so many others.  It is good stuff.  

Black Light

 Black Light: Stories by Kimberly King Parsons
2019
Weight: 14 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

I always love a good, seedy, short story, and it was nice to read something published in the last couple years.  The stories in this collection exist well together.  There is a sort of continuum even as every story is a different.  They are dark and often sad in a not-beating-you-over-the-head-with-tragedy sort of way.  They fit my current malaise and general outlook on life, which is nothing but unfortunate for me. 

How to Live With a Neurotic Dog

 How to Live With a Neurotic Dog by Stephen Baker
1994
Weight: 16 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library               

                                                                                      

I spend an overwhelming amount of time with neurotic dogs, and I adopted the most neurotic dog I ever met.  I have met thousands of dogs during the most stressful times of their lives so that is no small statement.  The dog I adopted is on Prozac, Gabapentin, and Trazadone for his anxieties.  It is not surprising that someone saw this book and thought of me.  I enjoyed the simple jokes and light heartedness of it--much of my work with pets is far too heavy--but the pictures were the best part for sure.  

Chicago Ghosts

Chicago Ghosts by Rachel Brooks

2007

Weight: 16 oz

Method of Disposal: Lending Library

Halloween 2020 seems like a good time to give away any ghost books I can find.  A pandemic may keep some people inside, looking for things to do that are frightening and fun.  The up or downside to these Chicago books is that they take place in another state and so, as you read them, it does not always feel like the ghosts are hanging out right behind you, watching you, while you read about them.

This book was much more what I am looking for in a collection of ghost stories that the children's book I gave away the other day.  The stories were eerie and had just enough details that would wrench your gut.  I think I realized that, for me, a good ghost story needs to be tied enough to something real and tragic that is tangible.  I am not as into the mysterious ones where no one knows who or what is haunting a place.  I am scared when they are tied to a real history.  That being said, they make me sad.  I hate to think of people dying and families missing them.  If there are a lot of details and no real evidence of the person that lived, like an Urban Legend, that is the best for me because I can be creeped out, sad, attached, but not worried about the pain someone is being caused by the story if that makes sense.

It also seems like a lot of these stories came about from deaths in the 1930s.  I am interested to read a book now on what eras had the most ghost stories and why they had them.  Were they more common when the world was less violent and there was no internet for sharing?  Did horrible things stand out for years and years then and get cemented into frightening tales that were told over and over?  Now, we here so much horror that we just move on and forget.  Or, do we have more ghost stories now because any old person from any old town can go online and share a tale about their poltergeist or ghoul?

All in all, I am not actually someone who is typically into ghost stories.  Sometimes, I just buy these little local books when I am traveling because you can learn unique tidbits about the city, it is something a little different to look at while you are there, and it is always fun to learn a little about a local author.  They are generally easy to find, and I can usually convince someone I am traveling with to listen to one or two ghost stories, but I can never convince them to want to hear a short story, a historical essay, or a full fledged book on the city.  They will listen to a ghost story or a short magazine article, and I like to share what I read.

Find Me

 Find Me by Rosie O'Donnell
2002
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

I do not know what I was expecting when I picked up this book, but it was not this.  Not even a little.  Generally, with famous folks writing books, you get a memoir, but not always.  I guess, in some ways, this was part memoir, though mostly focused on one part of one year of Rosie's life where she gets overly involved with a pregnant child and rape survivor who ends up not being that at all.  I feel like you get a real insight into Rosie's mind, at least in that year, and she tries to let you see the good, bad, and the ugly.  She seems like she is being vulnerable.

I am healing from surgery and am about to go to work, light duty.  I have been working from home, on pain medication, feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and mentally unsound myself.  I have been reading book after book, when I can squeeze them in, and I feel like I have been existing on some third dimension where there is no safety net, and you just keep falling.  All of this is, who am I to make commentary on anyone's mental state or book right now?  I am just glad to have so many books from so many years to read when I cannot be in my own mind anymore.

The Total Money Makeover

 The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness
2009
Weight: 1. 74 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

This was a gift from my brother back, I'm guessing, in 2009.  He said it was a little cheesy, but that there was some good information in there.  I loved thinking about him as I read it and finding a sweet little note from him in it all these years later.  He definitely does a great job of putting himself on a budget and sticking to it.  I feel less good at that, but it is dawning on me more and more every day that I really need to plan better than I have been. I have reread the book before passing it on, and I have pulled out a lot that I have found useful.  I do struggle with the repetitive nature of the book and the tagline, "If you live like no one else, later you can live like no one else."  As you may know by now, if it feels like self-help, my body seems to recoil from it, but it does not mean someone else might not get even more from it.  I hope the right person finds it and does!

Horses With a Mission

 Horses With a Mission: Extraordinary True Stories of Equine Service by Allen and Linda Anderson
2009
Weight: 10 oz
Method of Disposal: Mailing to my niece 

Animal rescue has ruined me for books like these.  I get judgmental when people make stupid mistakes or see what they want to see with an animal, while missing what is clearly, actually happening.  I cannot suspend my rescue brain long enough to just enjoy the read!  Apparently, even with horses.

That being said, I enjoyed hearing about so many horses being rescued, loved, and cared for, especially for the length of their natural lives.  I hate how so many horses are given up or euthanized once they are no longer seen as useful.  

I am hoping my niece will enjoy this book.  I know she is not all that keen on reading yet, but she loves all things horse.  I love all things rescue.  It seemed like a perfect combination and so I have mailed it to her.   

Premarital Counseling for Gays and Lesbians

 Premarital Counseling for Gays and Lesbians: Case Studies and Helpful Questions by Pamela Milam, LPC
2012
Weight: 5 oz
Method of Disposal: Donating

This seems like a great place to start for anyone in a serious relationship if they are looking to get married, be together for a long time unmarried, move in together.  It is small, easy to read, and just simple good, advice.  It is inclusive of polyamorous relationships.  Unfortunately, it no longer seems to be readily available many places.  I would love to get this book to someone that needs it or wants it.  If you have any suggestions in the near future or would like me to mail it to you, let me know!

Caste

 Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson
2020
Weight: 1. 7 lbs
Method of Disposal: Mailing to my Mom

I am grateful this heavy, painful, difficult, and powerful book was passed on to me by a friend.  Books like these,  I always think that I want everyone to read them, but then I think, do I?  I want those with the appropriate mental strength and fortitude to read them.  But who should be excused if they do not have that?  Who should read it?  Will this book find the people that will get the most from it?  Or is it more about doing the most with it?  I could see that for some it would be so painful to live treated as a bottom caste member, surrounded by others in the dominant caste, and then to pick up a book like this and read horror upon horror.  I briefly read some of the reviews of this book on Amazon, written by people who seem to be the people I most think would benefit from reading this book, people I want to read it the most, and I am horrified by how quickly they dismiss this book as liberal trash.  Did they really read it?  All the way through?  Or is it best to focus on the MUCH larger number of people who rated it 5 stars?

Here are some snippets from this book that I hope are enough to make you want to read more.  I am still processing and, really, I would rather you read Isabel Wilkerson than read my words trying to express hers anyway.

"None of us chose the circumstances of our birth.  We had nothing to do with having been born into privilege or under stigma.  We have everything to do with what we do with our God-given talents and how we treat others in our species from this day forward.  

We are not personally responsible for what people who look like us did centuries ago.  But we are responsible for what good or ill we do to people alive with us today.  We are each of us responsible for every decision we make that hurts or harms another human being."

I guess the above is not so surprising, but I believe I pulled it out because I am so tired of hearing that argument from white people.  I was not there.  I did not own slaves.  I have no responsibility.  Just stop trying to defend yourself and start trying to be the best person you can possibly be.  We all owe that to each other.

"The fact is that the bottom caste, though it bears much of the burden of the hierarchy, did not create the caste system, and the bottom caste alone cannot fix it.  The challenge had long been that many in the dominant caste, who are in a better position to fix caste inquality, have often been the least likely to want to.

Caste is a disease, and none of us is immune.  It is as if alcoholism is encoded in the country's DNA, and can never be declared fully cured.  It is like a cancer that goes into remission only to return when the immune system of the body politic is weakened.

Thus, regardless of who prevails in any given election, the country still labors under the divisions that a caste system creates, and the fears and resentments of the dominant caste that is too often in opposition to the yearnings of those deemed beneath them."

I think what speaks to me here is that there was Obama and then there was Trump, and it is is easy to want to shout WHAT? HOW? WHO LET THIS HAPPEN?  It is more difficult to know in your heart that Trump did not just happen and is not an anomaly.  That one man or administration is not THE problem.  None of us, no matter our caste, can ignore the caste system.  It is sickening our individual mental and physical health, it is sickening our communities, it is sickening our nations.

"Germany bears witness to an uncomfortable truth--that evil is not one person but can be easily activated in more people than we would like to believe when the right conditions congeal.  It is easy to say, If we could just root out the despots before they took power or intercept their rise.  If we could just wait until the bigots die away...It is much harder to look into the darkness in the hearts of ordinary people with unquiet minds, needing someone to feel better than, whose cheers and votes allow despots anywhere in the world to rise to power in the first place.  It is harder to focus on the danger of the common will, the weaknesses of the human immune system, the ease with which toxins can infect succeeding generations.  Because it means the enemy, the threat, is not one man, it is us, all of us, lurking in humanity itself."

There is so much that I want to pull out and share, like the above quote, but you should just read the book because these beautiful, thoughtful snippets do not have the same power when they stand alone as they do when they are encapsulated with the author's personal experiences, stories from other individuals, people you read about in the news.  Just remember, if it starts to feel like it is too much or that it is overwhelming it is because what you are reading about is too much and is overwhelming.  We cannot fix what we refuse to see and recognize.  If it feels too painful that is because it is too painful, and it has been for a long time.  Ignoring the pain not only does not make it go away, but it makes more pain. If comparing slavery to Nazi Germany rubs you the wrong way, can you at least ask yourself why? Can you, at least, keep reading?  I do not want to be wiping the ash of human beings off a child's jacket and pretending not to see the cruelty around me.  I do not want to hold the burden of having been that person in my lifetime and beyond.  I do not want to be the ash on that child's jacket.  I do not want to miss out on all the great things humanity can achieve if we all take care of each other and allow each other to live and thrive.  

Read this book.  Tell me what you think.  Let's start there.

The Templeton Plan

 The Templeton Plan: 21 Steps to Personal Success and Real Happiness by Sir John Templeton with James Ellison
2013
Weight: 10 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

I just cannot get into these small, easy to read, life guides.  I keep trying to like them or feel inspired to change even the smallest part of my life because of them, but I cannot be moved.  I think they would be most helpful to someone without a moral compass, but would someone without a moral compass be changed by them at all?  Maybe someone with a moral compass but someone whose compass is not the most important part of who they are to themselves?

That cannot be the answer because the people that give them to me tend to be good-hearted people.  What is it that speaks to them?  How does it impact them?  What does that feel like?  Well, either way, I am passing it on.  If someone can improve their life even a little by reading a little guide then who am I to stop that or judge that?

Wringer

 Wringer by Jerry Spinelli
2018
Weight: 6 oz
Method of Disposal: Mailing to Mom

I loved this book.  I read it in a day and then just laid there thinking, "wow."  Jerry Spinelli really has an incredible talent, and his children's literature is top notch.  This book dealt with layers of concerns that have an impact on children without you, as the reader, feeling like you were dealing with anything.  I was fully immersed in the world of a young boy named Palmer and learning about gender role expectations, peer pressure, animal welfare, fitting in, growing up, bullying.  What I was learning was valuable and non-partisan.  This book added to my knowledge and understanding.  It did not feel like the author sought to answer the questions that came up so much as he just lived in them and let us live in them.  Both the children and the parents were the real deal.  I felt the problems of a child just as they felt them.  They were huge and important, just like they would have been to me when I was10 years old.  Sometimes, I struggle to relate to children as an adult, despite having been one, like everyone else.  It can be hard to remember what it was like to think when what seems small now felt so big.  When you truly believed your friends turning on you would be the end of the world, that they might actually kill you.  Holding Spinelli's hand, I did not struggle at all. I was full of feeling and it moved me from page to page.  I could not put this book down.  I was full of passion and hope and anxiety and curiosity.  It was a beautiful feeling.  It was an incredible experience.  It is why I read, for moments like last night.

Creepy Chicago

 Creepy Chicago: A Ghosthunter's Tales of the City's Scariest Sites by Ursula Bielski
2003
Weight: 7 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

This book did not have much creative flair.  It was written in the form of one brief report after another.  A whirlwind tour of Chicago's paranormal.  I would have loved more, but I am not sure what more to expect from a young adult's collection of ghost stories.  Ursuala seems to dominate the market on writing about ghosts in Chicago, for better or worse.  I think I have another book by her that is directed at adults that I may look into.  

The Wall Street Journal Guide to Understanding Money and Investing

 The Wall Street Journal Guide to Understanding Money and Investing 
1999
Weight: 16 oz
Method of Disposal: Throw Away (not sure it can be recycled)

This was an easy to read and helpful little book in the 90s when my father gave it to me in hopes he could help me figure out how to be a more responsible adult.  Unfortunately for me and him, I had no interest in learning about stocks, bonds, mutual funds, money markets.  I wanted to help people, create art, be involved in the community.  This book was perfect for a teenager.  Pictures, definitions, easy explanations.    I picked it up as an adult and thought, why not?  I read it, but it was so dated.  It is interesting to read about the way things used to be done before the internet changed the world and to see the origin of things we do now.  It is interesting to see how much the world is the same and different after 21 years.  I cannot believe how much I am the same but different 21 years later.

My wife was 8 years old.  I was 14.  It is so hard to imagine two life trajectories, even when they have been lived.

The Sweet Smell of Psychosis

 The Sweet Smell of Psychosis: A Novella by Will Self
1999
Weight: 4 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

This short novella was not an easy read!  I think I have picked it up and not been able to get into it several times over the years.  This time, I was on post-surgery drugs and so think I was better able to suspend reality and try to delve into it.  It was a real struggle though.  I think there was a certain timeframe where men could write anything they wanted about sex, aggression, force, drugs, alcohol and the more "disgusting" or "disturbing" they could be the better.  I went through that stage in college too, but it does not work for women.  It is much more desirable for men to be forceful, ejaculate, fuck, and blur the lines of reality.  Women exist to conquer and to cum all over.  I am not turned off by dirty sex or risque behavior.  I love good, consensual fun, but I do not think being graphic for no reason makes you an artist.  Obviously, a lot of other people feel quite different, so to each their own!  I did appreciate the drawings dotted throughout the books.  They really added to the dreamlike, alternate and fluid reality that I was suspended in as the reader.  Also, excellent title!

Extreme Encounters

 Extreme Encounters: How it Feels to be Drowned in Quicksand, Shredded by Piranhas, Swept up in a Tornado, and Dozens of Other Unpleasant Experiences... by Greg Emmanuel
2002
Weight: 16 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

There was some interesting information in this book, but overall it is not my cup of tea.  It is a collection of short, firsthand accounts of what it feels like to die in a variety of ways.  Sometimes, every once in a blue moon, the person lives, which is nice.  The jokes are terrible, and the author clearly intends them to be.  I think it is just a matter of taste.  I am sure the younger you are and the further away from death you think you are, the more you are likely to enjoy this book.

Yolanda's Genius

 Yolanda's Genius by Carol Fenner
1997
Weight: 6 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

This was a surprising book.  I did not expect anything in particular going in, but I have not read a young adult book quite like it before.  The lead character is a large girl whose body takes up space, provides security, and glides through crowds.  She admires her Aunt in many ways but often describes her big, beautiful body too.  She is always eating and enjoying food, even as her mom periodically tells her she needs to eat less.  We, as readers, do not see her fatness as a negative but as a source of strength.  

She also wraps a self-protective attitude around herself and her brother and can, sometimes, come across as a bully but, what is most obvious, is that her and her brother are real children, with positives and negatives and strengths and weaknesses.  Only Yolanda can see that her brother is a musical genius and not just a tiny boy with a learning disability.  Only her little brother seems to be able to see his sister as a Queen, warrior, and protector and not just as a tough girl, always looking for a fight.  She looks like trouble, but she has learned how to construct and control life.  They have both grown up in the shadow of the grief of losing their father.

There is a strong mother, a magical aunt, a scrawny young girl with the potential to be a true friend, a teacher with a stutter.  There is so much going on in this book because of how it is written.  It just sort of whisks you away, and you just have to give in and follow its current.  If you don't, you may not appreciate it, but I just let it take me away and enjoyed it.

Day of the Dead

 Day of the Dead by Gina Hyams
2001
Weight: 12 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

We are fast approaching Dia de los Muertos, which I love learning about, even as I worry about cultural appropriation, the more and more you find skulls and skeletons lining the big box stores.  This book was given to me as part of a Day of the Dead box with an altar and skeleton back when I was in high school...so, exactly what I am talking about, potentially.  

The way I was raised to think of death was as an eternal goodbye, a devastating blow, an open casket, people sharing stories of the dead at a funeral, whether they knew them or not.  There are spreads of Southern Comfort food--potato salad, mashed potatoes, macaroni, cakes--once the funeral is over.  After that day of mourning, we do not do much more as a family.  In private, you can grieve.  I think, maybe once, as a family, we visited the grave of a loved one some years after their funeral, briefly, on the way to some other family event.  People are separated by heaven and hell or there is nothing after death, depending on who you are with.  Since I came out at 13, I have been assured that hell is where my soul will be by some and others have given no thought to it at all.

What I do know for sure is that death makes me worried, upset, confused, overwhelmed easily and fast.  I guess we celebrate lives and living in our own ways, but I love the idea of this holiday.  A day when the lives of those who have died are celebrated and the distance between the living and the dead is not so far away.  The strong family ties and the history all spun up into a colorful, fun, rich, sugary celebration.  From the outside, it looks so beautiful and seems so healthy.  

The more Dia de los Muertos becomes more common place in the US, the more I keep my distance and observe.  Uncomfortable with the conflation of it with Halloween, and the mass production of products made to sell for profit.  Costumes, barbies, action figures, movies, on and on.  I do feel like, from afar, it still has much to teach me though, and I appreciate it.

The Stranger in the Woods

 The Stranger in the Woods:  The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit by Michael Finkel
2017
Weight:15 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

This is a hard one.  The story itself is very interesting, a young man goes off into the woods to survive by way of minor theft, staying hidden, and building a rudimentary encampment in Maine.  He spoke one word to one hiker in 25 years and survived some brutal winters.  He claims he did this without even lighting a fire.  Some people consider him a simple thief, others a convicted felon who made them feel unsafe for years, and others think of him as a wise man who has done the unthinkable and potentially knows some great truths that the rest of us may struggle to obtain or may never obtain.

I am of the train of thought that he is not just a simple thief or felon, and that there is no reason to resent him for being "lazy," as many have, and also that he is not a magical, wise man with all sorts of insight. I do feel for the families that lived in fear and were scared someone would break in with their children in the home, though I do agree with those who think prison time and a life sentence would make no sense in this case. To me, he is just a man with mental health concerns that are unlike most of the population and, because of how his mind works and who he is, he managed to do something extraordinary that many of us could not even begin to conceive of doing.

As for the author, I struggle.  I am excited with him when Mr. Knight (the "hermit") writes him back after he sends him a letter, but things get uncomfortable towards the end when Mr. Knight and his family plead with the author to leave him alone.  On the one hand, I do think he found a special connection with Mr. Knight and that there was something about him that Mr. Knight was somewhat drawn to and, on the other hand, CONSENT.  It is hard though.  Things are not black and white when Mr. Knight says that he will likely kill himself and asks the author to turn away and leave him to it.  Mr. Knight also tells him, at one point, to write whatever he wants and that he is not concerned about it at all.

Some people really think the author is exploiting Mr. Knight, and I really believe the author is genuinely enthralled with him and cares about him.  I think this book was likely a labor of love and enchantment but, when a man tells you to leave him alone enough, you do need to leave him alone, of course, which he ultimately does.  So, I clearly do not know anything and have no answers, but there is no way around the fact that this is a unique and interesting story.

Laughable Loves

 Laughable Loves by Milan Kundera
1999
Weight: 9.1 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving in Lending Library

How is it that Milan Kundara was one of my favorite authors at some point?  I really did not enjoy this book at all.  I do think he is an excellent writer, but he treats women like trash and there is never a believable woman character.  They are all just receptacles for toxic masculinity and potentially ejaculate, depending on how successful the deplorable, inhumane male characters are.  I hated it.

Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man

 Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man
2020
Weight: 18 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving Away

What can I say about this book that has not already been said?  Likely, nothing.  I can tell you that I read it before falling asleep, and I had nightmares all night about the Trump family.  I kept waking up in the night, in a stupor, frustrated with Robert Trump, who was trying to surrender a dog.  I cannot tell you how many times I woke up gritting my teeth saying, "We will take it.  We will take it.  I can't leave that dog with you.  I told you.  Just let me deal with it in the morning."  I was so tired the next day.  I said something in passing to my Dad in a text, and he wrote back, "You made me laugh out loud about a politician's dead brother coming to you in a dream requesting he surrender his dog to you.  I know exactly what that means.  It means you work too much, and you need to see less news."  He might be right about that!

Also, the other thing that is evident is that if Trump is elected again in November, we are in HUGE (YUGE!) trouble.

Superfudge

 Superfudge by Judie Blume
2003
Weight: 6 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

I have been catching up on all of my children's literature I collected from working in the Children's Department at Barnes and Noble many years ago.  I remember reading Fudge and Superfudge even before that and, of course, Judy Blume.  She has made quite a legend of herself.  I was in my car just the other day when Amanda Palmer came on, belting out a song about Judy Blume.  It was fun to read Superfudge again and now I hope to pass this book on to someone it was really intended for, a child.

No is Not Enough

 No is Not Enough: Resisting Trump's Shock Politics and Winning the World We Need by Naomi Klein
2017
Weight: 14 oz
Method of Disposal: Mailing to Someone

Do not let the current climate wear you down.  

It is incredibly hard.  

I do not always know that I can do it.  It is challenging to dedicate your life to your work and family, and then have anything left over to help change the current tide of politics, but we all have a part to play in this community.  This book was written before the Covid-19 pandemic hit, and in it Klein warns about what will happen once it hits.  Only, she did not know what "it" was.  She writes, 

"So far Trump's unending atmosphere of of crisis has been sustained largely through his own over-the-top rhetoric--declaring cities "crime infested" sites of "carnage" when in fact the violent crime rate had been declining nationwide for decades; hammering away at a manufactured narrative about an immigrant crime wave; and generally insisting Obama destroyed the country.  Soon enough, however, Trump could well have some crises to exploit that are distinctly more real, since crisis is the logical conclusion of his politics on every front." 

So here we are, and I am exhausted.  I remember a time when there was not BIG news every. single. day.  Sometimes, multiple times a day.  He is still on the offensive and all over the board, even as Covid-19 rages.  Remember the early days of the pandemic when there were news stories coming out of California saying that ICE was still conducting raids even as there was talk of releasing people from prison due to not being able to keep them safe.  At least it made the news back then, I suppose, so we would know and could be outraged.  We have unmarked security forces patrolling protests.  Do you remember when people dying in a protest in America had become shocking?  Now, it is hard to keep up with who is getting killed and where.  Meanwhile, the "President" chuckles about staying in office past his term.  

Klein writes, "People can develop responses to sequential or gradual change.  But if dozens of changes come from all directions at once, the hope is that populations will rapidly become exhausted and over-whelmed, and will ultimately swallow their bitter medicine."  She had already laid all of this out for us in her powerful book, The Shock Doctrine.  In No is Not Enough she writes about how some populations who have been through a shock previously are less susceptible to fascism.  They see it, and they rise up and refuse it.  She writes about the inverse of the "Shock Doctrine."  A "People's Shock" rising up from below.  She seems to have, somehow, maintained some hope that globally we can rise up and ask for more, save our planet from global warming, implement a culture of caring, do the opposite of what Trump proposes in the Art of the Deal.  My optimism was waning as I read, and I found it hard to envision, but I do not want us to stop trying.

She says it is important to have a Utopia to strive for and work for.  The one she describes seems worth a good fight.

Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction

 Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction by Judith Grisel
2019
Weight: 16 oz
Method of Disposal: Mailing to a Friend

This book is part memoir and part scientific essay on neuroscience and addiction.  It is an excellent introduction for someone who wants to understand addiction better across a spectrum of drugs.  The author discusses the differences and similarities between stimulants, opiates, alcohol, thc, psychedelics, and other drugs.  Judith briefly mentions how others in the same or similar situation as her died, and that there is no reason she should have necessarily made it out alive and they did not.  She was in enough dangerous situations, but thank goodness she made it out.  Now, look at the work she is doing.  It is really impressive.  Think of all the talent, intelligence, and value we lose to addiction every day, with those that do not make it out.

The Last Holiday Concert

 The Last Holiday Concert by Andrew Clements
2006
Weight: 4 oz
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

Andrew Clements is a prolific children's book author who just passed away last year at the age of 70.  I, of course, have several of his books from when I worked in the Children's Department.  He was a popular one.  

Parents ask for recommendations a lot, and I always wanted to know what I was recommending.  I knew what people were buying, but I wanted to know more than that.  I feel like a lot of books try to shape the minds of children, and a lot of parents do not have time to read their children's books.  This can be good for kids raised in closed-minded, rigid households.  I, sometimes, imagined I was handing their child some kind of salvation.  A little wink wink nudge nudge that they were okay.  That they would be okay.  Even if they were gay.  Even if they loved to masturbate.  Even if they questioned God's existence.  Even if they did something terrible and regretted it.  I had books like that, which encouraged me in very subtle ways.  Not always in ways the author intended, I am sure.  Christopher Pike had a bisexual character.  The sex education book my mother gave me, embarrassing me, and which I would never read, but that I snuck peeks at, told me that homosexuality and masturbation were normal even as the sex education I was learning about in school said neither were.  Books can be so important.

This book did not have those kind of lessons or questions, but it did have something to say about being a leader, being a part of a team, recognizing that you do not always know what other people are going through or who they are.  It was not my favorite Clements book, but I thought it was alright.  I definitely was not worried it would hurt anyone.

On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God

 On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God by Louise Rennison
2003
Weight: 4.8 oz
Method of Disposal: Recycling

I got this book while working in the Children's Department of a bookstore.  I saw potential there.  I thought the author might not shy away from teenager's having sexual awareness and that, because of this among other reasons, teenagers might be more likely to enjoy the book/reading in general.  I finally read it, but I was underwhelmed in many ways.  A few of them were unexpected.  The slur "lezzie" gets thrown around a bit.  The main character rushes in the showers at school so the lezzie gym teacher does not ogle her.  The other girls call the main character a lezzie a couple times.  The book is all about her fixation on one guy, and how she lashes out at her family, friends, and even a guy she is dating, trying to get that older guy back even though she is 14 and he is 17.  Spoiler Alert: The whole book she is worried she will be moving away from him to go to New Zealand but, at the last minute, she does not have to.  Her mom and dad call it off.  It would have been one thing to just not like the book,  but it was another to leave it wondering if it would do more harm than good in the world.  I know a lot of people really enjoyed it.  I, clearly, am not one of them.

Poetry Reviews

Lilies and Cannonballs Review: Volume 1, Number 2/Fall/Winter 2004-2005
Columbia Poetry Review No. 15 2002
Weight: 1 lb
Method of Disposal: Donating

I always enjoy reading poetry reviews and literary journals.  You never know what you might find in them.  Generally, there are authors I have never heard of and a chance to discover something or someone new.  I am sure I gained these while I was in college, and I have been carrying them ever since.  I have re-read them and will be sharing them now.

The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2019

The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2019 Edited and Introduced by Edan Lepucki

2019

Weight: 7.8 oz

Method of Disposal: Sending Away

At some point in each year, I will find myself in a bookstore narrowing down what I should buy or looking for something new to read and there, magically on the anthology shelf, will be The Best American Nonrequired Reading.  I love reading it and purchase it every time.  It was originally my college Creative Writing professor (whom I adored) that introduced me to it, and I have enjoyed it ever since.  I never think to buy it until I am in a store for some other reason but, ultimately, the realization that it exists once again will hit me.

It is usually a fun combination of short fiction, short non-fiction, poetry, and comics.  It sometimes will also include other fun, off-the wall content, like Chuck Norris jokes.  It is just enjoyable to read, and it exposes you to authors that you maybe do not know about.  The selections are made once a year by high school students in California and in Michigan.  I like that for a lot of reasons.  1.  I am fairly certain my brain is so different than it was in high school by now that I could not even dream of knowing what a high schooler might like.  Therefore, I am reading a selection from someone not in the same space as myself and that is insightful.  2.  It gives me hope to see what the high schoolers choose for us to read.  For example, 2019 had an incredibly diverse sample, and it was delightful.  Could the youth really save us?  I am not someone who thinks that.  I am not someone who expects that.  But, could they?  3.  I, generally, feel like I do not like teenagers.  I hated myself when I was a teenager.  This makes me remember that all teenagers are not the same and that in fact they are at a very exciting, challenging, passionate, wild time of their lives and that there is a lot of value in that for them but also for all of us.  Never stereotype a group of people!  When you do you will always end up proven wrong.

The Communist Manifesto

The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Frederick Engels

1998

Weight: 12 oz

Method of Disposal: Giving Away

Let me just warn you now,  I am not going to have some valuable or life-changing insight on The Communist Manifesto.  So much has been written and said about it over the last 172 years, and Communism itself existed before it was written.  One thing that does seem to be true to me is that many people speak about it that have absolutely never read it, and they have also never read anything else about Communism since.  Communism is a dirty word to this day.  Communists cannot be trusted, and they are stupid.  On the other side of that, there are people who embrace Communism as the anti-however they were raised.  They embrace it without attempting to understand it or the other options, and there are many of these people who have not tried to learn further than the sound bitess they get on tv either.

This manifesto is important because it is still relevant almost 200 years later.  That says something.  Whatever the solution, there is a problem with a small minority benefiting from the blood and labor of a working class majority, and the dream of the working class coming together as a whole is inspiring even if it is consistently undermined by our other differences. 

"The Communists are distinguished from all the other working-class parties by this only:

1.  In the national struggles of the proletarians of the different countries, they point out and bring to the front the common interest of the entire proletariat, independently of all nationality.

2.  In the various stages of development which the struggle of the working class against the bourgeoisie has to pass through, they always and everywhere represent the interests of the movement as a whole."

"They have no interest separate and apart from the proletariat as a whole."

Abolish the family, women are not just a means of production, workers unite.  This is a manifesto.  In true form and in the style of a rallying call, ideas are made simplistic and passionate so as to inspire large groups of people quickly.  To bring people together for change but, as with anything like this, the world is more complicated than what is in these pages.  These pages are a tool, but they are not THE answer. 

Tiger Eyes

Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume

1982

Weight: 4 oz

Method Disposal: Giving Away

It is no secret that, in general, Americans do not have a healthy connection with death and dying.  I sure do not and have been looking for tools and resources on my own in an attempt to get more comfortable with the most uncomfortable of subjects.  I always think I am preparing myself, but there is no preparation and it is jarring and disorienting in the largest, most earth shaking ways when death touched you, even on the periphery.  I am scared to face the death of my loved ones, but I am also determined to be better at being supportive of those I love who are grieving.  Unfortunately, it is not something that you can learn from reading a handbook, and it is not something you can protect yourself from.

I did not pick up this book to learn about death.  I picked up this book to revisit the work of Judy Blume as an adult, and I had also never read Tiger Eyes.  I recognized the style right away, even though I did not know the story.  Tiger Eyes is about a teenager who loses her father to violence and her struggle to overcome depression, anxiety, and grief afterwards.  She must do this within a family of other people who are also grieving.  She wants and needs her mother, but her mother is lost in despair too.  She is not always her best self and neither are her mom, her aunt, her uncle, but they are also not their worst selves.  They are just hurting people.  

I think young adult books like this, centered heavily on character development, are so helpful and important to our emotional growth.  Young adults do not always feel comfortable asking questions and, if they are like I was, they would not even always know what to ask.  You are learning so much so fast, and what you are learning is not just your school curriculum.  If a young adult will read and wants to read, they can learn without fear of judgement, without having to know what is right and wrong to ask, and you are just led through it without even realizing you are learning.  Learning by experience even if you, personally, are not the one doing the experiencing.  Do not get me wrong, you do not read Tiger Eyes and then become a person who knows what it is like to grieve, but you do develop empathy and concern.  There is a template, if you ever need to see one again or if you needed one to begin with, that shows you that there is still life after the death of a loved one.  Books like this one do not make everything better, but their value is subtle and that value collects in your brain, with all the other information you have gained from life, from other books, from other people.  Thank you, Judy Blume, for tackling the hard stuff, even though it is not easy to face the darkness.

The Green Book

The Green Book by Elizabeth Rogers and Thomas M. Kostigen

2007

Weight: 11.2 oz

Method of Disposal: Giving Away

Things I liked about this book:

• Please God, we need to do something about climate change. This message is clear in the book.
• The authors try to meet you where you are at and often.  They do not say "do not fly in an airplane."  They say limit your flight or, if you do fly, do these things while you travel to limit your damage to the environment.
• The use of famous people to make it more trendy.
• I found there are some things that I know better than to do them, but I had grown lazy about it.  This book helped remind me that even the little things can matter.

Things That Work Less For Me

• It was published in 2007 so there is a lot that is irrelevant now or the conversation has changed.  PDAs, camera film, and beepers are rarely used so are no longer worth mentioning.  Often, while reading, this would give me hope that we had already done things that would help us so much just because certain items had become antiquated.  Then, we would get to the next page, and I would realize e-waste and increased electric usage had likely wiped out many of the improvements we had made in other areas.  It is time for a revised addition! 
• The use of famous people may work for some folks but also felt a little superficial to me.  These people are not living paycheck to paycheck.  They can buy any car they want, multiple cars, and they can buy anything and everything energy efficient.  Sacrificing seems less painful if you have so much.
• On the one hand, I want people to do the easy things and make a difference.  On the other hand, I want to be sure that people know that, just because they brush their teeth in the shower and don't buy farmed fish, there is still so much more that needs to be done and so much of that is systemic.

Gwendolyn Brooks Selected Poems

Selected Poems by Gwendolyn Brooks

1999

Weight: 6.1 oz

Method of Disposal: Giving Away

If you have not read Gwendolyn Brooks' poetry then you should go do that right away.  It is fantastic.  If you read this book, don't stop here.  My guess is that most of you know her or have at least read, "We Real Cool," as she is the first black person to win a Pulitzer and that is the poem I have seen the most.  I do find it shocking (though I know that I should not) that, given the number of awards she won, I did not hear about her before I went to college.  Read her, share her, and ensure that never happens to another student.  Brooks is too good and too important.

The Letter Q

The Letter Q: Queer Writers' Notes to Their Younger Selves Edited by Sarah Moon
2012
Weight: 1.3 lbs
Method of Disposal: Lending Library

My most exciting discovery from this book was that Bruce Coville self-identified as bisexual and then queer in his essay.  I remember reading his books growing up.  I remember thinking that there was something very wrong with me and being so ashamed.  I remember realizing that I was attracted to women and thinking I might be the only girl to feel that way.  I was so jealous of my brother every step of the way.  Being a boy.  Staying out late.  Dating girls.  All along, gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, and transgender people were around me, leading the way, making a path, helping me survive, showing me another way, even when hidden behind the words on the pages of books about alien teachers and dragon hatchers in the books I stole from my brother's shelf.

This book is predominantly gay with a capital G.  A few dashes of lesbian.  And maybe a pinch of gender fluidity.  It, ultimately, aims to reassure kids that life will get better for them and that they are not alone.  What would I say to Little Laura?

Dear Laura,

I am proud of you and impressed with you for coming out when you did.  I know it is not always easy, and it will not always be easy.  But you learned to fake confidence when you were not feeling confident, and I think that likely saves you.  You will have your nose shattered, your car keyed, they will put pictures of dead gay people in your locker, say horrible things about you that you still cannot imagine ever saying about another human being, and ultimately they will make your car inoperable.  They will also call you ridiculous names that will make you laugh because they just show you how little they know about sex, pleasure, love, and happiness.  "Leg Licker" will stand out as a particularly ridiculous insult in a stream of insults..  Do not let these things break you.  You will want to let them break you.  You will meet plenty of girls and women that are interested in you.  You will inspire people even when you think no one is paying attention.

People are not at all wrong when they tell you that you will love college.  I know you struggle to believe that because you feel so alone and fit in nowhere, but it is true.  In college, all the things the middle schoolers and high schoolers hated about you will make people respect you and reach out to you.  Some people will want your advice.  You will actually, and I know this is hard to believe, be grateful for all that you went through, at least in some ways, because, while a lot of people are discovering who they are in college and going totally wild, you will feel safe in the security and knowledge that you already know who you are.

The person I most want to speak to is you in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade.  Your mom's friend will tell you that those will be the best years of your life some day and that you will miss them.  You struggle to believe that is true.  Your mom will tell you that she wishes she could tell you that people grow up and are more mature, but it is not true.  The difference, is that you grow up and are more mature.  More able to find your own people and set your own boundaries.  Your mom's friend is 100% wrong (making you 100% right--you are stuck in the worst time of your life), but your mom was right. 

Don't get me wrong, you still have a lot of terrible things to face.  I will warn you now never to drink in that dive bar by the school, or at least to get the fuck out when some random guy you do not know gives you the creeps.  Up until then, there is not much you regret but, if you do not get out of there, you will regret so much for so many years.  Everything else will make you who you are and make you stronger. 

You will never again feel that soul crushing loneliness.  You will never again think that you are so uniquely malformed and maladjusted that you do not deserve to live.  You need to live and you need to meet the woman you will give all of yourself to.  She will not be the woman of your dreams.  It turns out your dreams were extremely limiting and were holding you back.  She is far more amazing than anyone you could have ever thought up, and you spend plenty of wasted time trying to find that imaginary person until the beautiful year you spend finding her.  The good news is that all that trying is what prepares you to be the person she needs when you find her.

Anyway, I do not know what to tell you and what not to tell you that will pull you through those hard years.  I think the most important things are as follows:

1.  One day you will not only be okay with being a lesbian, you will be GRATEFUL for it.  You will not want to change it even if you could!  This part of yourself has sparked in you so much more.  You are caring, empathetic, active, passionate, loving, fighting, worthy, open, interested, intrigued, turned on, compassionate, ever-evolving.

2.  Do not start smoking.  Your mom is so right.  Once you start it IS next to impossible to stop.  And right now, you think you do not have much to live for, but one day you will have so much to live for that, instead of dancing with death, you will start to fear it.  Having been a smoker will not make this any easier.

3.  Get the fuck out of that bar when it starts to feel wrong.  You will be in your senior year of college.

4.  You will one day realize you were and are incredibly lucky.  Your parents are amazing (your dad is not what you think he is), you have friends that love you, and your partner is, as previously stated, incredible.  You have a not so small menagerie of dogs that follow you around and get jealous if you give your attention to anyone else.

5.  Stop with the suicidal whatever whatever.  You will one day realize that you are not just the oppressed but the oppressor.  You've had too much privilege to take it all and throw it away without unpacking it, examining it, and dedicating your life to making change.  You do not get to give up.  There is too much to fight for.

6. Masturbation is normal and wonderful.  I know it does not take you long to realize this, but just in case you need some help.

7.  Dana Scully really is that cool.  You will always think so. 

8.  If you can set your life up to where you and your family can hide away for the year 2020 and have enough food, supplies, money, etc.  Please God, do it.

I need you to be strong for me.  Hold tight.  There is so much more in you and in the world than you know.

Take care of you.

Laura

Neverhome

Neverhome by Laird Hunt
2015
Weight: 6.7 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving in a Lending Library

The premise of this book is exciting in and of itself and, in some ways, gives the author more leeway to experiment and create because it will be interesting no matter what.  It is about a woman who dresses up as a man and goes to fight in the Civil War.  Apparently, around 400 women disguised themselves and fought on both the Confederacy and Union sides of the War.  Who were these women and what drove them?  Did anyone get away with it through the entirety of the war?

This author had a take that was different than what I was hoping for, but it was their take and I enjoyed reading it.  I struggled to relate in any real way to the primary character, but I was interested in her by default.  This has sparked a real interest in me to learn more.  I am open to suggestions!

When I Knew

When I Knew Edited By Robert Trachtenberg
2005
Weight: 1.3 lbs
Method of Disposal: Leaving in a Lending Library

This book was more fun than I expected, particularly when it came to gay men, who were featured more than anyone.  The lesbian snippets were good but few.  It does not expand much past those worlds, which is okay.  It is a book about when each person realized they were gay with a capital G, after all. 

I loved the opening one.  "1969: My father was watching the evening news.  The announcer said that Judy Garland had died.  I fainted.  I was nine."  -Andre Freedman

Anyway, a fun book for your coffee table or for a quick read if you are interested!

The Moth Presents All These Wonders

The Moth Presents All These Wonders: True Stories About Facing the Unknown Edited by Catharine Burns
2017
Weight: 1.1 lbs
Method of Disposal: Sending to a friend

This book was fantastic!  Some of the essays were definitely stronger than others, but it was all around great.  I cannot wait to share it with others.  One of the pieces that really stands out to me is the woman who had to face the death of her husband and the knowledge she has since used to talk to others about their own experiences of death, including a small child.  I imagine there is at least one essay for every person in here--you will find something to connect to.  The mother whose son had a traumatic brain injury and her battles within the medical and insurance system in the United States.  The son that throws a goodbye party with his mom for his mom who is dying.  There is so much in here, and it does not always feel so heavy and so sad or, even when it does, there is something to learn there.  Honestly, it is really hard to give it away!  If I did not know at least several people that I think will love it, I may not be able to.  If you haven't, you should read it!

All New People

All New People by Anne Lamott
1999
Weight: 8 oz
Method of Disposal: Giving Away After Disinfecting

I do not know how it is possible, but this book felt like growing up even though I did not grow up in the 60's.  There was nothing shocking or life changing that happened in the book, but I loved it in a calm, collected way.  It kind of felt like going home but to a home I have not seen in a long time and that I was not feeling nostalgic for.  I possibly even forgot it existed until I read this or, maybe I did not forget, but I had not thought about it in a long time.  Anne Lamott knows how to write about real people, particularly working or middle class white people.  She writes about them with respect and honesty. Anne Lamott has a real talent, and I always seem to enjoy her books as a whole.

When the title presented itself in the text I felt like my mind was blown, and I was so excited.  It was one of those moments.  I will not ruin it for those of you who might read it though.

The black characters from the church in this book were peripheral but did not feel at all the same way as the other characters. They seemed more like props.  I know they were being described from a child's point of view, but the descriptions of them really took me out of the book and out of the moment.  They are defined Black upon introduction and the other characters are not defined by their race upon introduction.  This is common, particularly in books from 1989 but, reading it in 2020, it was discouraging and disappointing.  Nonetheless, they were liked and appreciated by the other characters in the story.  It just made me wonder why.  Why represent them the way they were?  I think it was to say something about the mom in the book--but what does that really say?  Is it what was intended? It did not feel good or right, despite being such a small part of the overall novel.

Tales from the Clit: A Female Experience of Pornography

Tales from the Clit: A Female Experience of Pornography edited by Cherie Matrix
2001
Weight: 6.4oz
Method of Disposal: Taking Suggestions!

Any suggestions on how to best ensure that books about sex, pornography, sex work make it into the hands of someone who wants them?  Let me know if you would like me to send this one to you! 

I reread this book this year, and it is definitely dated.  It was published in 1996 and is about the UK.  Some things aged really well and some did not.  I am sure there will still be readers who will relate heavily to some of the authors and their fantasies even now.  This book was a good source of personal essays about pornography, S/M, and censorship.  It does not delve into academic arguments for or against censorship.  It is really more based on feeling and personal pleasures, personal stories.  Some of the authors were arrested or had their homes torn up due to censorship. 

If you are exploring sex and sexuality, but are fairly new to the world beyond heteronormativity, this might be a good introduction still.