Saturday, April 27, 2013


Sexscopes: How to Seduce, Stimulate, and Satisfy Any Sign  by Stuart Hazleton
Weight: 9 oz
Method of Disposal: Leaving at Joe's in EAV

This was left behind by my ex-girlfriend (a Leo) long ago.  I (a Leo) thought I had already given it away, but it appears that I have not.  The woman I am with now is a cusp so it makes it less obvious but, according to this, if she leans towards Cancer we are set for bliss, but if she leans towards Leo we are screwed. 

I chose to lean towards bliss.

There is an inconsistency though.  If you read it from her sign it goes like this:

Leo and Cancer: leo's sunny attitude in the sack keeps Cancer guessing, but since Leo sticks by those he or she loves the crab won't need to worry about a Sagittarian-style stray.  Cancer shows Leo love and radiates the possessive nature kitty cats desire.  Meanwhile, Leo presents Cancer with a myriad sexual situations--and positions!  Paradise found.

Leo and Cancer: Once Cancer can get used to Leo's over-the-top attitude, all signals are definitely go in this awesome mix.  Cancer's intuition enables him or her to say all the right things to compliment proud but needy Leo, while Leo will do anything to protect the easily wounded sign of the crab.

Then, if you read it from my angle it goes like this:

Cancer and Leo: Your odds for headboard-banging hedonism are about fifty/fifty when you pair the sign of the crab with the sign of the lion.  Leo likes Cancer's constant attention but Leo's anything-goes attitude and need to be worshipped in the sack grate on Cancer's nerves.  Probably not a good long-term option but an awesome emergency booty call.

Both of you believe in true love but you have varied definitions on what true love means.  For Leo, love is a parade--something to be celebrated in parties and public alike.  For Cancer, romance is far more personal.  The idea of exposing their inner soul to anyone other than their mate is the anathema to the sign of the crab.  Compromise is key to making this perilous passion work.  If Leo takes two steps back while Cancer steps forward, you'll be a totally content couple.

Hmmm, well, I guess only time, not stars, will tell.

According to the front of the book, "Thank your lucky libido Sexscopes has arrived.  More fun than an inflatable doll, more titillating than a pair of tight jeans--open this book and get ready for a good time." --Matthew "Dr. Matt" Abergel, author of Work Your Stars and Gay Stars

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